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I'm a bit intrigued by your use of the word, "privileged". You are living with the consequences of your own actions (taking on debt and having a child with someone you consider "unbalanced"). How exactly does "privilege" come into it?
Not trying to attack you here, just curious about how you got into this to begin with. Did you grow up in the place you currently live, or did you move there from elsewhere? Bottom line, is since you have placed constraints on your ability to do what you want to do by giving power to someone you can't control, then your only reasonable choice is to start making the best of your current circumstance. What makes "diversity" such an attraction, anyway? By "diversity", are you talking about food? Race or ethnicity of your neighbors? Political views? Architecture? As you know, via the internet, you can exchange with just about anyone in the U.S., maybe find what you're missing online for your personal needs? Opportunity is something else, you may have to become an entrepreneur.
I was brought to where I am as a minor, and I made some really bad mistakes when I wasn't mature enough to realize how bad the consequences would be, No one ever really cared about me.
Now that I'm old enough to realize that I'd like a different life, I feel like it's too late, it's just unfortunate because I feel like I never got the chance to make any decisions for myself.
If you think your son's mom is unbalanced, your first step would be documenting that, seeing an attorney, and trying to get full custody of your son. Then you can move any place you would like to move (within reason, per the court order).
Do SOMETHING positive to improve your situation, and then report back.
I'm not a parent but I know what you mean about debts and family. I have pretty much the same problem but that's because I'm not good at much being neurodivergent and all. There might be more options for you when it comes to the debt.
Would you be comfortable with teaching? There's a lot of online teaching opportunities and some of them I believe you don't even need a degree for.
Do you drive? There's also Uber and Grubhub/a variant of that (depends on your area there's a few different food delivery companies).
You can also do things like Mturk on the side if you haven't already. There's also some companies where you can do transcription work.
I guess it depends on how much debt you are talking but there are lots of ways to make money online. The more lucrative opportunities generally need skill and you could probably find something you were good at.
Hehe sorry I meant debts. Also I have a son, the mother of whom is not very balanced, and I'm sure she'd take it out on my son and try to make my life hell if I tried to leave.
Your own life seems to be not very balanced either...
Quote:
it's just unfortunate because I feel like I never got the chance to make any decisions for myself.
OP, I assure you the grass is not greener on the other side.
Your current location may be the reason for your frustrations but moving to a new location will also come with its own new problem. There is no place on earth that is perfect.
Your problem is psychological. You must fix whatever is bothering you with something you can actually control.
Then that is the one reason that you have to stay, at least for now....and make the absolute best out of the situation that you can. Do it for your child.
You asked for tips....
Spend your time making things good for your son. spend time with him....Open up the world for him any way that you can. If you have a town library.....you have a world to open for him. If you can walk around with him....you can take him walking....hiking....camping?
If you drive him around......make up adventures....We aren't going to the store....We are going big game hunting.....do not be afraid to be silly and make up fairy tails and adventures.....Make a fort in your living room with old sheets and your furniture.....now...have your p-nut butter sandwiches under there, like you are camping.
Everything can be an adventure with a small child. Everything.....make the ordinary more fun....be silly....playful. What will happen is you will become happier inside, your child will be confident and happier for the playfulness and love that will be shared.
As they got older...sometimes it was time spent with just them individually.
Maybe all we could do was stand at the funny greeting card section for a while when we were getting groceries.....But it kept my teens connected with me, we could stand there sharing the various cards with each other belly laughing, it was priceless....What ever works was my philosophy.
I was a single mom of five....we were very poor....I was a college student trying to make our lives better earning a degree.....We had no money for anything extra, none. We spent every Fri. quick trip to our local library to check out VHS tapes......and many times we would check out tapes about other countries. We ate those 2 for 5.00 cheap frozen pizzas.....and we spent the evening together....every Fri.
My kids are all well into adulthood.....they are well rounded, loving and caring.....the first men to stop to help a stranger change a tire. They have never forgotten those Fri. family evenings together. And, more importantly....neither have I. I was so blessed.
Who cares if the town stinks.....make it the best next years that you can between and for your lil boy. Then when he is old enough.....you can both venture together.....wherever you decide.
The point is.....you have got to reframe your situation....essentially your life, at least for the present....don't give up your dreams...plan and wait for your opportunity...But in the mean time live your life better.
If you are employed, healthy (get a checkup too)....and able to see and be involved in that lil guys life regularly then you are blessed. You can give him a positive mindset.....and you can improve your thinking.....Act happier....and you will be happier....Get it?
Here are just a few links. Research all the many helpful things online.....If I had had the internet of today when my kids were little!!.....Utilize this wonderful tool!!
You can repay your debts anywhere. I promise, they will follow you when you move. That really should not hold you back.
As far as your family goes, you have to weight how much you enjoy being with them, against how much you want to move.
When people think of moving, they almost always think about a move that is hundreds even thousands of miles away.
There could be a place 2 or 3 hours away from where you currently live, that has more to offer you and will be a change of pace. With a mini move, you can probably see your family once or twice per month, without much disruption or expense.
You can repay your debts anywhere. I promise, they will follow you when you move. That really should not hold you back.
As far as your family goes, you have to weight how much you enjoy being with them, against how much you want to move.
When people think of moving, they almost always think about a move that is hundreds even thousands of miles away.
There could be a place 2 or 3 hours away from where you currently live, that has more to offer you and will be a change of pace. With a mini move, you can probably see your family once or twice per month, without much disruption or expense.
There is. He's in San Antonio, Texas. Hardly the back of beyond.
There are also educated people there. He just doesn't know them.
OP, this is not the first time you've complained about your circumstances and especially your location. I understand you have reduced resources. But you're a young, single guy and you're going to have to get busy making an effort to effect change in your life. You're not the first person to not be given a silver spoon.
Only you can take the initiative to improve your situation. That will benefit your son in the long run more than bemoaning your life daily here on c-d.
Days become weeks, then months, then years. Get up. Get up and take your shot.
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