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Having exes as friends is fine in my opinion. Even if it was serious. The past is the past, and being able to remain friendly with people you've been with is a good sign about a person.
OP, you seem like a caring person and a great partner. No it's not condescending.
What are you doing inviting ex-boy friends to your party,this is insensitive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by frimpter928
Never said they were ex’s. One is a guy who I dated for three weeks, and then we decided to be friends. Out of the three years I have known him and we’ve been friends we only dated for three weeks at the very beginning. It’s just my introvert friend knows about that history, so I know he gets nervous about that particular friend (also because that friend looks like a freaking model). The other guy I went on a few dates, most we did was make out once and we’ve been only friends since.
So technically I “dated” these guys, but they were never anything serious nor did they go far at all. They in the end became friends. My introvert friend was asking about them though prior to the party.
Yeah, this was really insensitive and the kind of thing someone who is into drama would do. Nobody in their right mind would want to date someone who would do this, because it's incredibly insensitive and all about drama and creating a jealous situation.
And, nope, you won't convince me otherwise.
Turn the table on yourself. There is no way you'd be happy with dating a guy who invited his ex-girlfriends to a party. Just take a second to really absorb that. And if you still can't understand that - then you are a hopeless narcissist - in my opinion.
That's just silly. I've been with many guys who had exes as friends and so has everyone else I know. I've befriended and hung out with the exes of guys I've been with, and I've befriended my ex's new girlfriends as well. Often times, relationships end on fairly good terms and people simply realize they are better as friends. That's nothing to be threatened by. Mature adults can get along just fine. And this type of crazed jealousy is a HUGE red flag.
I do think you were being very condescending and obnoxious when you said to your boyfriend the following:
"but then I also texted him letting him know that I know big groups aren't his thing, so if at any point he feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed to just let me know. He responded in a playful manner to give him more credit. I responded saying okay, I would drop it, was only saying because I care."
and babying him in a pedantic, overseer, looking down upon him manner.
Like I said no matter how innocent your intentions.
I know I'll get torched for this but .
They dated you and are still friends, guys stay friends just in case that door opens, or that lonely late night call comes in. Not all guys, but a lot of us.
Yeah, this was really insensitive and the kind of thing someone who is into drama would do. Nobody in their right mind would want to date someone who would do this, because it's incredibly insensitive and all about drama and creating a jealous situation.
And, nope, you won't convince me otherwise.
Turn the table on yourself. There is no way you'd be happy with dating a guy who invited his ex-girlfriends to a party. Just take a second to really absorb that. And if you still can't understand that - then you are a hopeless narcissist - in my opinion.
Tables turned no I wouldn’t care if they are truly friends of his. These guys are my friends, one of them is one of my closest friends too who I hang out with on a weekly basis sometimes. Nothing romantic has happened in three years with him, so not sure how that’s insensitive. And because I made out with the other guy once? They are friends that in the beginning there was a short fling (2-3weeks) we weren’t a match romance wise but as friends yes and that’s what we have been ever since. And our flings were years ago.
It’s called being a mature adult.
Also I’m gay, so it’s extremely common for guys to go on a few dates, and then become friends Witt them. Actually o would say that is what usually happens. My introverted friend? He has three gay friends too. He has had sex with all three of them in the past. So his friends too are people he dared. He was going to a trip with one as well, and that is the thing just as friends.
Last edited by frimpter928; 10-04-2018 at 06:46 AM..
Like I said no matter how innocent your intentions.
I know I'll get torched for this but .
They dated you and are still friends, guys stay friends just in case that door opens, or that lonely late night call comes in. Not all guys, but a lot of us.
Not sure if it matters but I’m gay, and dating and then becoming friends is extremely common in the gay world. Most gay guys I know, their friends started off in a sexual manner and they quickly became friends when it wasn’t a match.
There is a friend who I have had an off and on romance with. We care deeply for each other. All the years throughout our friendship, he has barely met any of my friends due to being shy and introverted. It's always been 1-1 when we hang out. With that being said there are strong romantic feelings on both ends even though we aren't a couple. He is VERY shy and socially anxious.
Lately he has taken the initiative to meet my friends. A year ago, he would have never wanted to. Now though he is willing and able to meet my friends on his own accord, even though he's still a nervous person in social situations. Be it in small groups or large groups.
The first two times I made sure to keep the outings small. On the first outing it was with just one of my best friends. Then the second outing was with just one friend as well. Both went well. With the first outing though he was rather shy and nervous but did okay. Second outing he seemed to handle it much better.
Then after that it was my birthday party. 25 friends and family were gathering, a couple of those being some guys I dated in the past which he knew about. I figured this was going to be a lot for him.
When we hung out a few days before the party, I thanked him for willing to go to my bday party and told him I appreciate it as I know big groups aren't his thing. Then the day of the party when he was asking me what time he should be there at I told him, but then I also texted him letting him know that I know big groups aren't his thing, so if at any point he feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed to just let me know. He responded in a playful manner to give him more credit. I responded saying okay, I would drop it, was only saying because I care.
Do you think that was condescending of me to do? I am so extroverted that I don't know if to someone who is introverted and shy that would be comforting or agitate them?
No, you were not being condescending..you were being thoughtful of how he seems to be.With that being said,I'm an introverted person but he seems to be worse then a normal introvert.If you care for each other..how come you're not in a committed relationship?You're wasting your time with all of this. Do you think that he could be lying about all of this?Have you met any of his friends?Does he have friends?Something seems off here.
Condescending seems too strong a word. I think you were being a bit over solicitous, and your friend gently pointed that out. If his social behavior is evolving a bit, it's natural that your relationship will need to morph also. I believe you are best served by letting him set the pace, reacting to his cues, rather than anticipating his needs.
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