Friend who is always running late

[Northrick]

We used to do a lot of multiday (rafting, backpacking, skiing, etc.) trips with a group of friends. Our one friend, Randy, was always late to the meet up point. On one trip the meet time was 9am. Knowing Randy would be late the rest of us took our time getting packed and most of us showed up 30-45 minutes late. Guess who was the only one to show up nearly on time - Randy. And, he looked pretty irritated that the rest of us were late. Unfortunately, he didn't take it to heart as I don't think has been on time for anything else.

[NoMoreSnowForMe]

Originally Posted by CarolinaMoon1

It seems like this would work best if you are also meeting others - otherwise you're doing whatever the activity is on your own. Which sometimes is fine - I don't mind doing things on my own - but sometimes I would really like some company.

Yeah, I agree, you need to find other friends who show up on time.

Another option, as a retired person, is to sign up for day bus trips with a group. There are local senior centers where i live that have day bus trips we can sign up for. You can just sign up and show up without having to find a friend to go with. I do these on my own, without knowing anyone else on the trip, and I never have any trouble chatting with others who are on the bus and we always eat together at common dining tables.

So, I can hang out with people and have a great time, without ever having to worry about anyone showing up late or worrying about a friend having a good time, etc.

But, I absolutely refuse to put up with someone affecting my plans by being chronically late. I don't care why they're late.

Just like I wouldn't care why someone had an excuse for behaving badly in any other circumstance. I don't care why you were so drunk that you barfed all over my car, for instance. Or why you ruined the dress I lent you by washing it in hot water without reading the label that it needed to be dry cleaned, on and on.

The bottom line is - you weren't behaving reasonably. Life isn't an excuse contest. I don't care what your excuse is. I expect you to behave in a reasonable, rational, adult manner - and I really don't care what your excuses are for not doing so.

If there's a slight chance that your first excuse might make sense, I might give you another chance. But, I don't even believe in 3 strikes you're out. 2nd chance, maximum now in my book is it for you.

Because I don't have to put up with you. Maybe someone else has to - but I never do.

And by inconveniencing me, you are insulting me in a most egregious way. How dare you? I am just as important as you, and if you don't treat me so, you won't have my company. End of story. if you can find other people who think less of themselves than you think of yourself, have at it. But, I won't be in that group, because I think more highly of myself than someone who is subservient to you.

[profnot]

If someone can be on time for work appointments and fun things with absolute deadlines (like the departure time for the ski club bus) but then late for social events, I have nothing to do with them.

I value my time, even if they don't.


I was close friends with a couple before they moved out of state. I adored both husband and wife. But husband made them chronically late to dinners at my place. I finally sat the husband down when they arrived 30+ minutes late again and told him off. "I really like you. I look forward to seeing you. I time the cooking so the meal is perfect to serve soon after your arrival time. When you don't arrive on time, the food is not as good and I'm left twiddling my thumbs and resenting you. You live on this same street - a few units away. Why are you always seriously late?"

He blushed and apologized profusely. He said he thinks the problem stems from his hating his big law firm job, that ate all his time and required almost all his waking hours. He liked to be sloppy with his after-work life. He didn't realize until I stated my feelings how insulting he had been.

He was never late more than 5 minutes again.

[Kentucky62]

A lot of people are just selfish and this is how they make themselves feel better or important, be it in their personal life or in business. To handle the ones I could not jettison from my life and keep the peace or did not want to as they had other compensating good qualities, I just moved back all times by 15-30 minutes depending on the offenders established patterns.

They felt they were showing up late but it was still at the time I needed. A few of the worse offenders I abandoned at pick up points and they never did it again or stopped using me. These people often were the known freeloaders as well so, my car my rules

Understand anyone can be a few minutes late, it happens, and in the days before cellphones and texting staying in touch was not as easy. Today no one has an excuse except for a mother with an infant or toddler and she can still text.



It's was always the same a**h*les. Especially in business. My best memories are of a plant manager who got so sick of the HR leader showing up late to the morning staff and not being prepared, he removed a chair, put it in the closet. This required the HR mgr to stand until he started showing up on time. He hoped someone else would have to stand but we just pulled the chair out of the closet. We all really enjoyed the look on his face, the useless POS.

[lifeisruff]

Originally Posted by gentlearts

This is about power. She is saying, “I am more important than you.”

If you stop accommodating her she might start being on time. If you’re having dinner at 7:00, have dinner at 7:00 and she can warm up the leftovers. If the car pool is leaving at a certain time, leave without her.

Anyone can have circumstance that make them 5-15 minutes late, but after that, it’s poor planning and disregard for others.

It takes a tremendous amount of planning to always be late. It is not as easy as you would think.

Try it and see. For one week everywhere you go, every person you meet with be 15 minutes late, 30 if you are very brave.
It will be the most fun you have had in a while.

[chessimprov]

One time, I had a friend who was chronically late, sometimes an hour or two. He wouldn't do much or anything to make up for it. Just didn't seem to respect my schedule and energy. One time, we were planning on going to the same convention in Boston, and it was like a 10 hour drive cause I hate tolls that much, lol.

He begged me to take him and I said that based on the schedule, I'd have to leave by 730 AM sharp, He and I are not morning people as it is, and there was not once he showed up on time for something. I told him all this. I also told him he could stay the night with me so that this would not be a problem and he refused to to that. I refused to give him the ride and he ended up finding another person to give him a ride.

We are no longer friends and it finally dawned on me that I was always second to other friends of his. Good riddance!