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I am curious to know some of the psychology behind parents or certain people who have very high exceptations of their son or daughter to get prefect grades in school.
Short answer: Narcissism
Long answer: Parents are only human. Everybody wants something (someone?) they can parade around and say: "I/We made that!"---to oneself, to extended relatives, and to society at large. When the kid is a baby, that's easy. Just dress him/her in cuddly clothes, put him/her in a stroller, done and done! Little kids are cute by default, and people "know" that theirs is the cutest (read: best), so no convincing necessary. But when the kid outgrows his/her cute years and reaches school age, it becomes more difficult. That's where grades come in. Everybody wants tell oneself, extended relatives, and society at large: "My/Our kid gets straight A's!" Does the kid want them, other than to stay out of trouble at home? Do straight A's guarantee a good job and a happy life? (No.) It doesn't matter. People's narcissistic greed to have a kid who gets straight A's is just too damn strong. Of course, it's all explained away with: "But, but, but... it's for his/her own good." "Own good", my butt!
P.S.: I'm pretty sure I'll catch more heat for this than planet Mercury. But it needs to be said.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 10-11-2018 at 09:30 PM..
My parents could never have cared about grades as much as I did. I was angry every time I didn’t have a 4.0 in high school which was 6 out of 8 times, so I was angry a lot lol. Always had the one B ruining my otherwise perfect GPA. My parents always told me it was ok, they knew I was always doing my absolute best, but I hate to lose and anything less than an A was a loss and made me angry.
In college, which was a LOT easier than private high school, I didn’t get my first B until the very last term in a subjective writing class with a blatantly unreasonable teacher. He was one of my favorites up until that point in lecture classes but boy he was a tough one with writing. Still finished with a 3.97... and nobody has ever cared once ha ha. I have never had a job for anyone else, went right into my own companies and in my work (film) literally nobody cares about grades or college. But I always cared to do my best no matter what I’m doing. It’s just personal expectation, I can’t live with myself if I don’t give it my best in everything I do.
Education has nothing to do with learning and cultivating intelligence. Education is about memorizing biased and often useless information, being programmed with a thought process, and pleasing teachers, administrators and ultimately bureaucrats in tests and essays. There is no honor in it. Under the current paradigm getting good grades is helpful in advancing to good careers as many employees foolishly require certain degrees but not getting good grades is not a moral shortcoming even in intelligent kids. Some kids (people) just can’t deal with the bs that is education and memorizing useless information and pleasing *******s. If your kids can cope with it good for them. If they can’t look to alternative trajectories for advancement in the future.
That’s true, I couldn’t agree more strongly with you. Despite being a straight A student nearly, I thought the entire thing was kind of a joke and my only solution was to pretend it was a game and I like to win games. That’s why I always joked about my school career and how I was a great student, because it doesn’t mean much once you retire from academia and enter the real world.
I went to a hippy dippy liberal grade school that just wanted kids to write but didn’t care about grammar or anything like that. On my entrance exam (placement, not to decide whether I got in or not but just which class) I was the 29th percentile for English! Horrible. My freshman teacher refused to teach grammar and said we should already know that. My sophomore year teacher said we should have learned in freshman year. Finally I decided during the summer to buy a bunch of books on writing like Elements of Style and Chicago Manual of Style and various writing books to just teach myself. A year later I was a professional writer having been paid well for numerous articles online and I was a staff writer for another online publisher. One year after that I signed with New York’s top literary agency while still in high school for my first manuscript, becoming the youngest writer ever signed to the agency. So I had to teach myself how to write well and give basically no credit to formal education for it. My junior teacher was fantastic and taught a lot of writing skills, which also helped but by that point I had already taken it on myself to learn.
Then in college I majored in philosophy yet not one of our many great professors (they were great overall) knew anything about existentialism so one summer I read every single book Nietzsche wrote and he became my favorite philosopher. My film professors taught a lot too but I did 10x more studying on my own than we learned in class.
If you’re not intellectually curious school won’t help much with that and I’d argue it sometimes takes all of the fun out of learning whatsoever.
I am curious to know some of the psychology behind parents or certain people who have very high exceptations of their son or daughter to get prefect grades in school
While I don’t believe it’s a wrong expectation I do believe it’s still fine to get a Grade of C or B if you are technically still passing your classes in Elementary , Middle, or High school
My parents actually got pretty upset a few times when I was little because I received a C in Math quite a lot in high school but man I hated math so much plus the teacher was pretty challenging so getting a perfect was not Easy but I finish with a C and still got accepted to University later on.
Has anyone gone Thru this before ?
If your a parent would you expect your child to aim for perfect A’s or would a B or C still suffice?
The only C I ever got in HS was in Algebra. My parents knew I spent hours on it every night, even on the phone with a friend, comparing answers, and struggling. In spite of that, my mother got angry when the C grade came in. Years later, I found out I got the highest grade in Algebra of anyone in the entire family. So...go figure.
My salary and that of my peers suggest B students do just fine. "A" students go into middle management, take on way more stress for little extra compression. Ok last sentence was just a swipe.
If your kid hands you a B, tell them they did good and maybe try for B+ next time.
I expect A's out of both of my boys, but I'm not obsessed. They are both reasonably smart kids and are capable of achieving high grades. If they worked as hard as they could and still got a C, I wouldn't be angry at them. I just expect a full effort, some discipline, and so far it has worked out. My oldest is a senior with a 4.0 and looking at Georgia Tech, my younger son is in the 8th grade, also has a 4.0.
I give them near total freedom (especially the older one) as long as they take care of their responsibilities. Their top responsibility right now is their education.
I'll bet you're a great parent! this is a good answer!!
I expect A's out of both of my boys, but I'm not obsessed. They are both reasonably smart kids and are capable of achieving high grades. If they worked as hard as they could and still got a C, I wouldn't be angry at them. I just expect a full effort, some discipline, and so far it has worked out. My oldest is a senior with a 4.0 and looking at Georgia Tech, my younger son is in the 8th grade, also has a 4.0.
"Capable of achieving high grades"? "Expect full effort"? What does this mean? I'm pretty sure my parents "expected full effort" , because they were convinced I was "capable of achieving high grades" . B's were begrudgingly tolerated, but even then, it was dependent on my parents' mood; by and large, straight A's were a must. Heck, I never got to watch the full series of cartoons or sitcoms---I missed a good number of episodes---because I kept losing TV "privileges" for an occasional C or even a B. (Good thing we have YouTube now.) One teacher even manipulated me by threatening to call my parents over perceived slights, once she caught wind of how strict they were.
And look what that got them. Earlier in my career, I was a neurotic people-pleaser and perfectionist, who kept getting walked all over, and in a way, deservedly. (Today, I'm good at enforcing boundaries, and actually like my job for the most part; but even so, I "slip up" occasionally.) Not only that, I guard my independence like a mother bear, and I vowed to never admit any woman into my life, except strictly as a friend, due the stereotype of wives/girlfriends turning into authority figures.
I am curious to know some of the psychology behind parents or certain people who have very high exceptations of their son or daughter to get prefect grades in school
While I don’t believe it’s a wrong expectation I do believe it’s still fine to get a Grade of C or B if you are technically still passing your classes in Elementary , Middle, or High school
My parents actually got pretty upset a few times when I was little because I received a C in Math quite a lot in high school but man I hated math so much plus the teacher was pretty challenging so getting a perfect was not Easy but I finish with a C and still got accepted to University later on.
Has anyone gone Thru this before ?
If your a parent would you expect your child to aim for perfect A’s or would a B or C still suffice?
Your grades reflect on them, in their eyes...and we know parents are unrealistic at times.
Just do your best. That's all any of us can do. If you are slack, not paying attention or just not applying yourself, then concentrate more...but don't get saddened because of their comments...
I bet most of them don't have straight A grades in their past!
their own unresolved issues about "perfection". it gets easier to deal with when you find out not every adult is a "perfectionist" about grades.
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"Own good", my butt!
I'm pretty sure my parents "expected full effort" 
Earlier in my career, I was a neurotic people-pleaser and perfectionist, who kept getting walked all over, and in a way, deservedly. (Today, I'm good at enforcing boundaries, and actually like my job for the most part; but even so, I "slip up" occasionally.) Not only that, I guard my independence like a mother bear, and I vowed to never admit any woman into my life, except strictly as a friend, due the stereotype of wives/girlfriends turning into authority figures.
