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Old 11-07-2018, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Sector 001
15,935 posts, read 12,216,775 times
Reputation: 16103

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You change your thoughts and perceptions about it. Simple. Easy peasey. You choose to focus on these thoughts that you direct at these people and choose to feel remorse or guilt. You can think about how peaceful your day is going, the nice green on the leaves of that tree you passed by, how pretty that cloud looks, anything you want. You have free will to focus on whatever you want.

If you find yourself ruminating over certain thoughts and emotions it's because your mind has created a "groove" or neural-connection in the brain associated with that thought pattern or emotion, similar to how you redirect a river by digging a new trench, and then you introduce the water into the new trench you dug.. the hard work is done and the water flows of it's own accord.. that's basically how new habits, feelings, etc. are formed.. by having new experiences and repeating them over and over until they become second nature.

Your solution is to simply not focus on the homeless man, and when you do observe your emotional reaction and see that it's not really you, it's just a programmed response in your brain to some stimuli.. that's all thoughts, feelings, and all sensations really are.. they exist to get you to react to them. If you don't react to them and you observe them using mindfulness while kindly redirecting your attention, over time they will lose their power over you.
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Old 11-07-2018, 07:19 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,416 posts, read 2,011,899 times
Reputation: 3999
From a cognitive point of view, trying to be a good person (what 'good' person wants that trite conceit anyway?) is about the most foolish thing you can do. Just be human, like everyone else.
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Old 11-09-2018, 11:25 PM
 
21,108 posts, read 13,459,795 times
Reputation: 19722
If you are an awful person, I am worse. I just took a box and some cat food to the convenience store cat, and nothing for his homeless owner. I would have taken warm socks, had I thought of it. The chances he would be there at that time were slim, but still. I only thought about the cat being cold, when the forecast said 32 tonight.

I guess he rubs me the wrong way, despite the fact that he cares for that cat. He doesn't say thank you when I buy cans of food for the cat, didn't say thank you for the dry food of mine that I took tonight.

I think he resents people only giving to the cat, but aren't I helping him too that way? I'd buy him a cup of coffee, but he wants beer. For some reason it irritates me. The first time I met him and the cat he went on about how the Cat had a Christmas stocking, but nothing for him!

IDK. Maybe I will get him a 6 pack if I see him around TG or Christmas.
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Old 11-10-2018, 10:42 AM
 
20,955 posts, read 8,601,039 times
Reputation: 14048
In a sense we all give at the office.

That is, if one does not cheat on their taxes and pays the full boat they are effectively helping millions of people. Also, if you volunteer for others things...may have nothing to do with feeding someone on the street, you are part of positive efforts.

If you were a Jesuit I'd expect you to meet and greet all of them, but the rest of us aren't in that business.

Also - and this is just a pet theory of mine - each of us know in our hearts whether or not we are "good people". I was released from most of my guilt just by understanding that.

Many of the old sayings are relevant. If you help ONE person you have helped a lot...sometimes much more than sprinkling around loose change and dollar bills. I employed and supported a number of people - including many with families - and paid much more than the average. It wasn't charity but it sure helps other human beings.

Many of us who have been in both business and the non-profit world find that we often can help people more through the former than the latter. When I mentor or teach I think it helps the world more than a few bucks to the food bank.

It's a big and complex world out there. Just be nice to people and you are most of the way there.

The other day a guy in front of me paid for my coffee and donut at Dunkin Donuts. For no reason.
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Old 11-10-2018, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Fields of gold
1,360 posts, read 1,380,113 times
Reputation: 3052
look, it's just like in jelly stone park......

DONT FEEED THE BEARS!!

sadly the person outside church was a user . otherwise she would have sat thru the service and enjoyed the free food.

whenever I encounter homeless people begging, I ask "can I buy you lunch"? Sadly more often than not the answer is NO..
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Old 11-10-2018, 06:39 PM
 
4,633 posts, read 3,441,427 times
Reputation: 6322
I haven't read the entire thread, but the fact that you think you're an awful person and are looking for advice to be better tells me you're not an awful person. Truly terrible people have no self-awareness and would balk at the idea of the being anything less than perfect. So be kind to yourself.
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