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Old 11-14-2018, 07:41 PM
 
171 posts, read 74,851 times
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I used to be really outgoing and social as a teenager, but then I started high school (between ages 16-19) and kinda lost contact with a lot of people from junior high school (where I was between ages 13-16), which slowly made me become more and more unsocial and socially awkward in general, and it has gone up and down a bit with that, but basically right now I am fairly careful around new people and also ended up not really knowing anyone at my current university, since I was too slow to show enough interest in the people who approached me in my class during our first 3 years.
I have started practising this now however (I am 32 years today), and I have noticed that I can sometimes become surprisingly social in certain situations - basically, as soon as I actually start speaking to someone who appears friendly enough, my whole personality changes and I suddenly express a whole lot of confidence and charisma, and this has sometimes actually shocked some people (in a positive way).

Do you think that it is easier to "find" that social side of yourself if you have a background of several years as a social person?
And in that case, how does all that work?
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Old 11-14-2018, 07:54 PM
 
10,077 posts, read 5,086,030 times
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i wouldnt call that being social though but more friendly

kids get friendly with each other, but playing together isnt really being social together to me, you see this with the fights and silent treatment then make up, and repeat cycle.

the change in temperament is more that you formed a mental card to follow, and someone triggered it so you follow that old card. since it is a familiar routine, you are comfortable following it and it shows.

a lot of being social is being exposed to enough situations to make mental routines and they follow them. it has nothing to do with personality type: ie introvert or extrovert. extroverts who are in situations they dont know, are still not going to be social... only advantage they got is they were more likely to come across that situation in the past. but if they havent, then they arent any better off

extrovert kids hang around other people, more likely older people, they get taken to more events because older people have money to spend... they learn how to act for those events, when they become adults they already know what to do

introvert kids, keeps to themselves or similar people, stays in a more limited roaming area so less exposure to other situations. never learned how to act then, and they have to start at the beginning when they come across it without benefit of a mentor.

rant: with how poorly some kids are socialized these days, schools need to do field trips to social events and not only to museums and other "educational" places. schools were never designed to socialize kids but they are expected to do that now

Last edited by MLSFan; 11-14-2018 at 08:14 PM..
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Old 11-15-2018, 01:28 AM
 
Location: on the wind
9,018 posts, read 3,948,338 times
Reputation: 30617
Quote:
Originally Posted by Markus86 View Post
I used to be really outgoing and social as a teenager, but then I started high school (between ages 16-19) and kinda lost contact with a lot of people from junior high school (where I was between ages 13-16), which slowly made me become more and more unsocial and socially awkward in general, and it has gone up and down a bit with that, but basically right now I am fairly careful around new people and also ended up not really knowing anyone at my current university, since I was too slow to show enough interest in the people who approached me in my class during our first 3 years.
I have started practising this now however (I am 32 years today), and I have noticed that I can sometimes become surprisingly social in certain situations - basically, as soon as I actually start speaking to someone who appears friendly enough, my whole personality changes and I suddenly express a whole lot of confidence and charisma, and this has sometimes actually shocked some people (in a positive way).

Do you think that it is easier to "find" that social side of yourself if you have a background of several years as a social person?
And in that case, how does all that work?
People who have spent more time in social situations have learned interpersonal skills and have practiced them more. They may have more self-confidence as a result and that tends to build on itself. Doesn't mean they like being social necessarily, just that they know how to handle themselves when a situation calls for it. But being a social kid doesn't necessarily translate into a social adult. Some people become more and more closed-minded with time, less trusting, more cynical so they wouldn't give a social situation the same chance they might have when they were younger. They build assumptions about themselves and of everyone else.
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Old 11-15-2018, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
46,509 posts, read 44,826,780 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Markus86 View Post
Do you think that it is easier to "find" that social side of yourself if you have a background of several years as a social person?
Yes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Markus86 View Post

And in that case, how does all that work?
Recall.
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Old 11-16-2018, 12:02 PM
 
Location: 'greater' Buffalo, NY
3,463 posts, read 2,257,893 times
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I'm also 32, and I can definitely relate to what you're saying--I can be extremely outgoing/life of the party-ish when 'in my element' (which is often all too rare of an occurrence, sadly) and extremely reserved when around people whom I perceive as unfriendly/judgmental/etc. I think this is applicable to some extent for everyone, but I do notice many other people being kinda 'similar across the board' personality-wise regardless of social situation or with whom they're interacting...for me there's much more variance, and seemingly a greater amount of time required for me to establish a comfort zone. For people who see me in one state of seeming introversion or extroversion, they'd have a hard time envisioning me in the other, I'm sure. When outgoing, I definitely feel myself transforming into something closer to what I 'used to be' when I was quite popular from K-12 (that said, even as I was popular and outgoing throughout school, I would often say barely a word to my teammates on various travel soccer teams, those teammates being people I had a much more difficult time getting along with--I think I've always had difficulty with assertive people of average as opposed to above average intelligence?).

So, yes, I am onboard with your hypothesis....
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