Gaslighting (For those who are familiar with the term) [MERGED] (dating, husband)
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Gaslighting happens when a person denies your experiences as reality, and makes you think you are going mad. The term comes from a famous movie titled, Gaslight.
That's how I used to get gaslighted by therapists. They'd ask me the cliched "How did that make you feel?" , then turn around and say:
* "Don't lie to me! You know you didn't feel that."
* "Not true! Tell me what you felt, and this time, be honest."
* "No way you felt that! Stop trying to manipulate me."
To this day, I refuse to come within 100 feet of any talk therapist/counselor. Because the problem with them is that they're dumb, and devious to boot. They don't know---and/or refuse to acknowledge---anything outside their textbook training and/or personal beliefs. So when a client presents something they "don't know", they try to gaslight the client into saying/believing/feeling something they do know. Because that's easier than actually trying to understand the client's situation.
That's how I used to get gaslighted by therapists. They'd ask me the cliched "How did that make you feel?" , then turn around and say:
* "Don't lie to me! You know you didn't feel that."
* "Not true! Tell me what you felt, and this time, be honest."
* "No way you felt that! Stop trying to manipulate me."
To this day, I refuse to come within 100 feet of any talk therapist/counselor. Because the problem with them is that they're dumb, and devious to boot. They don't know---and/or refuse to acknowledge---anything outside their textbook training and/or personal beliefs. So when a client presents something they "don't know", they try to gaslight the client into saying/believing/feeling something they do know. Because that's easier than actually trying to understand the client's situation.
Those don’t sound like good therapists!
It sounds like they did not accept your reality, but wished to impose their own.
A friend of mine told me today that my wife has been gas lighting me, for those who don’t know what that is I’ve provided a link below.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's belief.
My wife and I have been having issues for some time now since we went to care of my mom almost four years ago now. Part of gas light is sometimes physical abuse she doesn’t do that but she does do things like:
Diverting and trivializing things that I might be going though.
Every year we go to the beach with her kids, her ex and sometimes her ex’s girlfriend goes with us. It’s just cheaper plus we all get along.
Today we were BOTH supposed to go but I wasn’t able to get off work to go. The plan was to stay for five days
Today though Wednesday. My wife does pet sitting but the pet sits are overnight and they tend to be back to back. Not a lot of US time. She spend the night here at home and we were sitting here talking I asked her what time she coming back on Wednesday. She said she’s not and she staying until next Saturday and didn’t have time to tell me.
As you can imagine I was highly upset and said “ so all the time you sit on your arse you didn’t have time to tell me this?” Yeah not my best moment.
Her plan was get to the beach and then tell me and say she did and that I forgot.
All of this is tends to put a huge strain on our marriage to the point where I want out of it. I can’t stay in this marriage and deal with it.
Has anyone else here had to deal with this in a relationship? I don’t want a divorce in all honesty but, how do you stay in a relationship with someone who does this?
A friend of mine told me today that my wife has been gas lighting me, for those who don’t know what that is I’ve provided a link below.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's belief.
My wife and I have been having issues for some time now since we went to care of my mom almost four years ago now. Part of gas light is sometimes physical abuse she doesn’t do that but she does do things like:
Diverting and trivializing things that I might be going though.
Every year we go to the beach with her kids, her ex and sometimes her ex’s girlfriend goes with us. It’s just cheaper plus we all get along.
Today we were BOTH supposed to go but I wasn’t able to get off work to go. The plan was to stay for five days
Today though Wednesday. My wife does pet sitting but the pet sits are overnight and they tend to be back to back. Not a lot of US time. She spend the night here at home and we were sitting here talking I asked her what time she coming back on Wednesday. She said she’s not and she staying until next Saturday and didn’t have time to tell me.
As you can imagine I was highly upset and said “ so all the time you sit on your arse you didn’t have time to tell me this?” Yeah not my best moment.
Her plan was get to the beach and then tell me and say she did and that I forgot.
All of this is tends to put a huge strain on our marriage to the point where I want out of it. I can’t stay in this marriage and deal with it.
Has anyone else here had to deal with this in a relationship? I don’t want a divorce in all honesty but, how do you stay in a relationship with someone who does this?
Well, she didn't gaslight you, she admitted that she was planning to gaslight you, but she didn't. Does she do this often? What's the most significant thing she tried to gaslight you about?
Well, she didn't gaslight you, she admitted that she was planning to gaslight you, but she didn't. Does she do this often? What's the most significant thing she tried to gaslight you about?
She wasn’t going to tell me that she was staying longer then 5 days. Period. She did get quite when I called her in it though.
It was though a text she tried to gas light me. She does it often enough to make me question my memory, when she’s gone on a pet sit I’m good when she’s home I start to question things.
The most significant thing she does to gaslight me is when she’s says says something in front of others and tends to deny it. Same with text I’ll show her the text and she tells me that’s not what the text meant.
Excuse me. You think she just refused to want to tell me until after the fact? Isn’t that omitting?
That’s not my understanding of gaslighting. She’s got a serious habit of saying she’s told me something when she hasn’t that what she was planning to do with the beach trip.
A more psychological definition of gaslighting is "an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from, and/or providing false information to, the victim - having the gradual effect of making them anxious, confused, and less able to trust their own memory and perception.
She wasn’t going to tell me that she was staying longer then 5 days. Period.
You said "Her plan was get to the beach and then tell me and say she did and that I forgot." So she was going to tell you that she was staying longer once she got there. Not that it matters because that's not what gaslighting is. Gaslighting is her planned attempt to tell you that she had already told you and that you must have forgotten that she told you.
Quote:
It was though a text she tried to gas light me. She does it often enough to make me question my memory, when she’s gone on a pet sit I’m good when she’s home I start to question things.
The most significant thing she does to gaslight me is when she’s says says something in front of others and tends to deny it. Same with text I’ll show her the text and she tells me that’s not what the text meant.
Without specifics, it's hard to say much about this. Maybe you really did just misunderstand her text, or maybe she just wasn't real clear about what she meant, it doesn't necessarily mean she was deliberately trying to gaslight you. I can't really say without more details.
Do you love her? Is it worth it to you to try and save your marriage? If so, both of you need to see a marriage counselor, ASAP.
What’s the song by Don Henley and Patty Smyth? Some Times Love Just Isn’t Enough.
Love has never been our problem. She’s bipolar “which she’s said she’s cured herself.” And has high anxieties.
A mutual friend mentioned she acts like she has BPD. Which would explain a lot as well.
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, then turn around and say:
Gas lighting.
