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Was always a genuinely happy guy throughout my life and college. When I graduated I had tough time in job market and tough time figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. In this period I began to experience how relatives treated me (being a bum basically not getting a career job or being successful, comments they would say), how other people/coworkers treated me (bachelors degree and working a low paying job, ask why are you here? get your life together etc..), and my close friends (one guy who was my "best friend" kinda just brushed me off when I was being depressed).
So from this I hate to say it became bitter and lonely. I found out who my true friends are and how differently people treat you.
Right now I am going through grad program in hopes I can get a good paying job when I graduate and in a sense prove all the doubters wrong. When I got admitted people started acting more friendly towards me, girls became more interested when before they gave no interest to me. In a sense i want to prove that I am not a bum, F you guys for treating me when I was down on my life. When things are going good (I was a solid student, went to a good university) had girls interested, more friends, people treat me differently, then when things go bad people treat me like crap. But I feel like from this experience it has made me bitter/cynical in a way. I got a dose of reality and lost that naive happy go lucky attitude I once had. Has anyone experienced this? Does continuing on this path of bitterness/cynical turns you bad in the long run?
Does continuing on this path of bitterness/cynical turns you bad in the long run?
Yes. You have to remind yourself that just because some people in your past didn't treat you the way you hoped does not mean every other human on the planet will do the same. If you go around bitter, cynical, surly, and unfriendly you are going to get the same back.
being cynical might feel right momentarily but it's no way to live. Yes, you are getting a dose of reality.
But you'll also continue to have positive times in your life with others....it's not one or the other.
Roll with the punches.
I need to learn how to not be bitter because most of these people I will see again due to being related, etc.. Just hard to not hold a bit of resentment especially if their attitude changes towards me.
Life is tough. Try not to give too much credence to the opinions of others. Develop yourself in the way that makes you happy and fulfilled. If you don't, you will be keeping up with the Joneses in no time. Talk about a miserable life.
PS - their attitude says something about them, not you. Do not give it a second thought. Stop caring about what they think. You will be happier.
I need to learn how to not be bitter because most of these people I will see again due to being related, etc.. Just hard to not hold a bit of resentment especially if their attitude changes towards me.
If they are not supporting you in hard times you owe them nothing...Not even acknowledging their existence. If they can't support you at least emotionally during the bad times why be around them during the good times? Just distance yourself from them.
Yes, I have experienced this. The cold hard reality is that people can filter you through the lens of what you can do for them or how much value you have which means how much value by association they can gain by associating with you. I have noticed that the times in my life when I have gained weight which makes me less attractive looking that people can be less interactive or interested in me. In fact, my narcissistic ex-husband was very cold and distant to me after I had a baby because of the weight gain. I noticed how much warmer and affectionate he was once I was back in shape. Of course, plenty of my loved ones treat me the same regardless of surface fluctuating conditions like that, but I am talking more about when just going about daily business with others or with people with character weaknesses. When I lose the weight and look better, they can be nicer, more engaging, more conversational, make more eye contact, put more effort into the interaction, and just generally be more interested in me. I am not saying everyone is like this but it is definitely a subtle pattern that I have noticed over the years with some. Humans are just wired this way. Babies and puppies are cute so that others will tend to and take care of them. Lots is just hard-wired into the evolved human brain and people aren't often even conscious of what they are doing.
Yet, don't become too jaded. There is still also a lot of goodness. love, and kindness in the world that can go unnoticed that comes from a genuine place as well. There is the stranger that helps out the homeless person dressed in filthy clothing with missing teeth or people that tirelessly care well for a disabled or ill relative. There is still tremendous goodness out there. You are just picking up on some of the not so nice patterns and tendencies that can exist in people and on some level noticing those harsh dynamics has shattered some of your optimism and outlook on life. Just try to see the 'glass half full' with humans and what is good or positive rather than focusing too much on the 'glass half empty' with what negativity humans can be capable of.
Normal life experiences. You do have a choice, once you are 18 years old in the U.S. (or earlier if you get legally emancipated), to do whatever you want - including who you spend any time with.
This includes relatives. Whatever anyone may tell you, you are always the one with the final decision on who you talk to, who you spend time with, whose texts you read or block, etc.
Personally, I don't care if I share DNA with someone, as far as whether or not I decide to spend time with them or not. DNA is not a free pass to abuse me.
Once you truly understand this, it's powerful. What you do with that power is up to you - negotiate with them on how they need to behave if they want to be in your presence, or decide to just never have anything to do with them again.
But, the key is to truly understand that you always have the choice to put up with them or not.
Once you understand that, you really don't get to whine about how they are treating you, because you can always walk away. So, if you continue to put up with bad behavior - the fault lies with you for putting up with it at some point.
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