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OP, you're doing fabulously now! Congratulations! Congrats on completing your college education in spite of everything, and persevering! You were NOT a failure in your 20's; you persevered in spite of a significant downturn. You valued yourself enough, to do that. Give yourself some credit! Ultimately, you're a winner, not a loser! Think about it!
And stop beating yourself up. What's the point, now that you're on an even keel, and a pretty successful one, at that? Stuff happens to people in life, especially in those early years. Depression among college students is more common than you think. Some who drop out never go back. You did go back, and it eventually paid off. You were in a position to take advantage of that "lucky break", you grabbed the opportunity and had the BA behind you that helped enable that, and now you're doing great.
You're making a mountain range out of a molehill. Maybe this is the residual effect of your earlier depressive mindset; you're ruminating on the past, which is a sign of depression, and can cause worse depression.
Get a few sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), so you can learn how to change your habitual thought patterns. Ruminating on your past mistakes and beating yourself up have become an ingrained habit. But you can change your mental habits, and get on a happier track, a more well-adjusted track. For one thing, you can start a gratitude journal, and every day write down something you're grateful for. It could be anything: last week's Thanksgiving dinner, an evening hanging out with a friend--anything! This will get you focussing on the positive for at least a few minutes/day. As you build your journal, the positives will accumulate. It begins to cause a positive feedback loop, vs. the vicious circle you currently have going.
You can afford it; just get a few sessions. You can do an internet search for CBT therapists in your area.
Good luck! You deserve success and a happy life. You're almost there! You've done the heavy lifting, and have a battle scar to prove it! Now finish the job with this last little bit.
Best wishes, OP! And stop beating yourself up; you're your own worst enemy! Who needs enemies, when you have yourself to drag you down? You can beat this!
I'm what you would call a late bloomer. I did well in high school, but when I entered college I did very poorly. I tried to stick it out, and spiraled into a depression. When all of my classmates from high school started graduating from college I sunk even further.
I was thankfully able to crawl out of this depression after 3 years. I finished college 2 years after that, 9 years from when I started. Jobs were not in a consistent field, and 3 years ago is when I finally got on what I would say a career track. I had a lucky break, got leadership experience, and am now making three times what I was 3 years ago. Nevertheless, I can't stop feeling like such a failure from what I did in my twenties. I can barely look at LinkedIn as it depresses me to see what careers and experience the people from high school have had. I know I should shrug it off and focus on the positive present I have, but my past just has such a strong hold on me. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice.
Relax. The 20's are for screwing up. The 30's are for gaining knowledge, and the 40's are for putting all that experience and wisdom to good use.
Yeah, I know, time flies, but so what? If you don't start enjoying the journey and embracing your flaws, and keep comparing yourself to others, that short amount of time you spend on this globe is going to be a miserable time. Is that what you want for your life?
We all have hard times, a life story, bad decisions......you're not special, so quit whining and take control of your mind. Best advice I can give is get the heck off of City Data and get out in the real world and do something. Anything, right or wrong. Whining here only enslaves you to others opinions, including mine, which as you can see, aren't always the nicest. But search your soul, you'll know I'm giving you the truth.
Some people peak in high school. In fact, a LOT of people peak in high school. Think about how bad that must suck.
You are improving in your life. That's all any of us can hope to accomplish, really. Some people start out at different levels, some people see success early, some people never do, and some people deal with setback after setback and have to start over.
It's ok to feel regret, regret is a part of life. The key is to live your life with as few regrets as possible.
I'm what you would call a late bloomer. I did well in high school, but when I entered college I did very poorly. I tried to stick it out, and spiraled into a depression. When all of my classmates from high school started graduating from college I sunk even further.
I was thankfully able to crawl out of this depression after 3 years. I finished college 2 years after that, 9 years from when I started. Jobs were not in a consistent field, and 3 years ago is when I finally got on what I would say a career track. I had a lucky break, got leadership experience, and am now making three times what I was 3 years ago. Nevertheless, I can't stop feeling like such a failure from what I did in my twenties. I can barely look at LinkedIn as it depresses me to see what careers and experience the people from high school have had. I know I should shrug it off and focus on the positive present I have, but my past just has such a strong hold on me. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Remember that.
You're really not all that behind. Not one bit. Plenty of people had unexpected pregnancies, served in the Military and didn't come out with great long term skills from it, screwed around, had things happen that dashed their hopes.
And regarding Linkedin, its all Fluff and BS most of the time. They don't write about the time they got laid off or the DUI arrest or anything else negative. Its like an airbrushed version of their best self, and they'll turn "Night Cashier" into a position that seemingly almost reports to the CEO.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
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Location: USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ShakenStirred
Relax. The 20's are for screwing up. The 30's are for gaining knowledge, and the 40's are for putting all that experience and wisdom to good use.
Yeah, I know, time flies, but so what? If you don't start enjoying the journey and embracing your flaws, and keep comparing yourself to others, that short amount of time you spend on this globe is going to be a miserable time. Is that what you want for your life?
We all have hard times, a life story, bad decisions......you're not special, so quit whining and take control of your mind. Best advice I can give is get the heck off of City Data and get out in the real world and do something. Anything, right or wrong. Whining here only enslaves you to others opinions, including mine, which as you can see, aren't always the nicest. But search your soul, you'll know I'm giving you the truth.
SS
Exactly!!! Everyone makes mistakes. No one lives in a bubble of making perfect decisions throughout life. Learn from those mistakes and avoid repeating them. Don't let your past define your future. Live in the present and look forward.
OP:
I got my first "real" job at 26.5 years. Then, due to various circumstances, I am stuck in a bad situation, career progression wise.
Heck, I had a chance to apply for US green card 2012 onwards which I refused to take. And I regret that.
Not only that, from a personal perspective, I have done worse. I let go of someone who I should have stuck with. And I repent that till date.
But guess what, life goes on. If you waste your 30s reflecting back on your 20s, your 40s are gonna be spent how you messed up your 30s thinking about the past. Take lessons from your life and move on.
I feel for ya. I went thru the same thing. I am a few decades past that now. You eventually just "let go" and move on. I think some of us have to ruminate a bit on regrets and the time frames we originally had in our heads.
I see now how "off" my thinking was in some ways. I got accepted to grad school at 27yo and thought that was "so old" to be heading to grad school! Laughable now. I did not end up going to grad school because of money issues and my future husband who I ended up marrying was afraid of change.
For many years I just have enjoyed setting goals and making art and doing my day job, being married and raising my son. Find things you enjoy and keep moving forward toward them. In my case I am also close to family and I have been there for each of my aging family members which makes me feel I fulfilled my obligations there as well.
I am going thru some re-assessing now at this age but I hear that is normal because now I am looking toward less than half my life being left (probably) and it is a really good time to decide what is working and what is not before making some new plans and moving forward.
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