How do you deal with people who don't like change or new things? (therapy, parent)

[srjth]

I'm in my late 40's and it seems like in the last several years I have been dealing with a lot of people who don't like change and/or absolutely freak out or go blank at the thought of doing something new. I should note that these are all people who are 40 plus, as well, but I have had experience with one person who was that way in their 20's and 30's. To make matters worse, their inflexibility really bothers me. It makes me angry and I am wondering if me and my reaction is the problem instead. Like maybe this is triggering something I'm unaware of and it's setting me off.


So I guess my question is, how do you deal with people who don't like change or new things? (it can be something as simple as suggesting to eat at a new restaurant- and no, there are no food restrictions involved) or to look at a different website and they freak out. Why? I just don't get it. How do you cope with this?


On the other hand, like I said, maybe it's me. Maybe this is totally normal and my reaction is too much. Maybe I need therapy. I just feel like they are being kind of selfish. Tell me how I'm supposed to deal with this properly and not get riled up.

[fleetiebelle]

I think you have to accept people as they are. I have a dear friend who is totally a creature of habit. She's always lived within a quarter mile of her family, she doesn't like to travel, she eats basically the same food every day, and I always joke with her about her "uniform" (she wears pretty much the same kinds of clothes all the time.) With her, I know that she is not the person who will be up for a girls' trip or to try the new Vietnamese fusion restaurant. So I call other people to do those things, and meet her at Starbucks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Katnan]

I agree with fleetie. Some people are creatures of habit so you don't ask those people to do new things. I don't quite understand what freaking out over a website is all about.

I also think you're right that some introspection is required because someone else being inflexible shouldn't make you so angry. Sure it's a minor annoyance, but your anger seems disproportionate to the situation.

[jaminhealth]

Agree with the above 2. People are who they are, I'm not here to change them. I can plant some seeds but if they don't sprout, they don't. Let them alone.

I'm content at home at this point in my life and a friend even older than me is forever travelling here and there, not for me. But I don't care what she wants to do.

[Denverlove]

I agree with the above opinions, some people naturally don’t like change, and that’s normal. My dad is one of such kind. When I was a kid he will mostly refuse my mum when she wanted to do somethin good but new for the entire family. For example, he didn’t agree when my mum wanted to open a store, I don’t know why anyone would not agree to that.

How did my mum deal? She simply went on with her projects, ignoring my dad’s disapprovals, because she somehow knew that her projects were important. Today, my both parents are benefiting largely from what my mum started.

Some people naturally will not accept change, even if it will be beneficial for them. If you can’t convince them to change with you, you’ll have to ignore them and change on your own if you believe change is necessary.

[srjth]

Thanks, I agree with all of you. The problem is that they want to be close to me and I'm a person who likes doing new and different things, so how can we be close and both be happy?

[Parnassia]

Originally Posted by srjth

Thanks, I agree with all of you. The problem is that they want to be close to me and I'm a person who likes doing new and different things, so how can we be close and both be happy?

Don't insist on always doing that new and different thing when they are with you. If you predict they won't appreciate or enjoy something arrange to go do it without them. If there are things they want to share with you its not going to be the end of the world to go along. IMHO, if you are finding more and more people who annoy or upset you maybe the problem does belong in your lap, not theirs. Bend a little sometimes instead of letting it make you so angry. None of us gets everything we might prefer all the time.

[tnff]

For some people I don't think it's a psychological thing so much as a risk/reward thing. Familiar restraurant will mean they know the cost and expected quality. New restaurant means there is a risk of paying for something that don't like. I get the same feeling when someone at work says "people don't like change" when what is really meant is "they don't like doing more work to get less reward."

[fluffythewondercat]

Originally Posted by Denverlove

I agree with the above opinions, some people naturally don’t like change, and that’s normal. My dad is one of such kind. When I was a kid he will mostly refuse my mum when she wanted to do somethin good but new for the entire family. For example, he didn’t agree when my mum wanted to open a store, I don’t know why anyone would not agree to that.

How did my mum deal? She simply went on with her projects, ignoring my dad’s disapprovals, because she somehow knew that her projects were important. Today, my both parents are benefiting largely from what my mum started.

I’ve lived the last 25 years with Mr. Hates Change. I learned to ignore his negativity on new things. And I’ve told him that when you always refuse to accept change, people stop taking you seriously.

I expect your mother felt that way as well.

Good on her for going ahead and following her heart!

[brownbagg]

i dont like changes, I dont like new thing, to me its playing it safe, some people play it safe, some take risk