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I am not going to write about it, thanks everyone. I will still write the chapter on public urination fear though.
OP if you wouldn't take offense (I am in no way trying to belittle your concern) and to lighten things up a bit, a personal story came up in my mind. I am somewhat uncomfortable with this topic too, but am pretty sure it has nothing to do with the past. My profession required working in the outdoors where there were no "facilities" at all. Much of the time there was a small crew of people so privacy depended on convenient shrubbery or topography. I've met a couple other women who could casually stroll around to the other side of a truck or drop their drawers in mixed company without turning a hair, but not me.
I was assigned to count nesting waterfowl on tundra marshes north of the Arctic Circle for one summer and had been dropped off by a floatplane for a few hours to survey several smaller lakes. Tundra consists of low ground-hugging vegetation. No shrubs, trees for miles. Nothing taller than mid calf. The urge arrived and I automatically started searching for cover. Nothing. Scanned and scanned, wandered around, got more and more frustrated and desperate. Suddenly it dawned on me. There were no other human beings within 50 miles. Unless a wandering caribou or musk ox objected or someone in a jet 30,000 feet overhead had a telescope, I could do whatever I wanted without anyone knowing or seeing a thing. It was a very good lesson...and I ended up laughing at myself for quite a while. The only problem was baring the least amount of flesh for the shortest amount of time. You guys don't know how easy you have it. Didn't want to feed more mosquitoes than absolutely necessary. Blood loss is blood loss.
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-17-2018 at 03:47 PM..
OP if you wouldn't take offense (I am in no way trying to belittle your concern) and to lighten things up a bit, a personal story came up in my mind. I am somewhat uncomfortable with this topic too, but am pretty sure it has nothing to do with the past. My profession required working in the outdoors where there were no "facilities" at all. Much of the time there was a small crew of people so privacy depended on convenient shrubbery or topography. I've met a couple other women who could casually stroll around to the other side of a truck or drop their drawers in mixed company without turning a hair, but not me.
I was assigned to count nesting waterfowl on tundra marshes north of the Arctic Circle for one summer and had been dropped off by a floatplane for a few hours to survey several smaller lakes. Tundra consists of low ground-hugging vegetation. No shrubs, trees for miles. Nothing taller than mid calf. The urge arrived and I automatically started searching for cover. Nothing. Scanned and scanned, wandered around, got more and more frustrated and desperate. Suddenly it dawned on me. There were no other human beings within 50 miles. Unless a wandering caribou or musk ox objected or someone in a jet 30,000 feet overhead had a telescope, I could do whatever I wanted without anyone knowing or seeing a thing. It was a very good lesson...and I ended up laughing at myself for quite a while. The only problem was baring the least amount of flesh for the shortest amount of time. You guys don't know how easy you have it. Didn't want to feed more mosquitoes than absolutely necessary. Blood loss is blood loss.
Yeah that is because of neuroplasticity I think for your brain was trying to hide yourself when you peed because you are used to walls in the bathroom however there was no one there. It is also interesting how like you said it is easier to pee around other animals like dogs and cats instead of humans. If my dog was out in the kitchen I could pee in the bathroom easily but if a human is I cannot.
Well it is a possibility, also like I said it causes problems if I were to get a girlfriend and she asks why I am not close to my family, I'd rather just put it out there because it is not my fault. I am young I think (27) though like you said was possible but I fail to see why you think I might be emotionally immature, I think I just recently became emotionally mature. It is not easy to get and a lot of people don't have good emotional intelligence. However yes emotional intelligence is something I lacked for a while in life which is being able to cope with your emotions.
But your side of critizing is essentially the other side of the argument of what I was talking about where I said it might not be ethical.
I was critical, but not because I think it might be 'unethical,' but because I believe this is perhaps a deep-seated psychological trauma that should be discussed with a mental health professional. While it may be cathartic to get it off your chest, that won't help you move past these experiences to live a psychologically healthy life (the gravity of this is illustrated by your comments about peeing in bottles in the parking lot because you could not use the public restroom at work.)
I do wish you luck on your road to recovery.
Peace
I was critical, but not because I think it might be 'unethical,' but because I believe this is perhaps a deep-seated psychological trauma that should be discussed with a mental health professional. While it may be cathartic to get it off your chest, that won't help you move past these experiences to live a psychologically healthy life (the gravity of this is illustrated by your comments about peeing in bottles in the parking lot because you could not use the public restroom at work.)
I do wish you luck on your road to recovery.
Peace
Except I am not sure it is the root cause of public urination fear but it does cause other problems like family problems.
I don't think its all that tough. You feel a need to write and (presumably) have others read about what you experienced. Your writing will expose the bad behavior of others. You have to decide if the catharsis/purge/processing you hope for will end up having more value than the ridicule/shame/embarrassment your book might create for the people in your history. I'd suspect that the person you most want to expose or punish will feel the least. Chances are a book won't make much of a mark. There won't be any sort of epiphany. I think the struggle you feel is over the "collateral damage" to the other people who happened to be present.
The process involved in writing all this down may help you in some ways, but it could also give you a reason to bury yourself in the past even more thoroughly than before. You could end up endlessly wallowing in it instead of examining it, coming to some conclusion about it, realizing you can't undo or obliterate the memory, and dropping it on the side of the road.
I don't want to expose the person but rather tell people about my past so they understand me better because I think I am abnormal. I really just want to write about it for some reason.
I don't want to expose the person but rather tell people about my past so they understand me better because I think I am abnormal. I really just want to write about it for some reason.
I'll venture to suggest that you are doing so already. There is also journaling and as suggested already, writing a fictionalized account. The benefit may not lie in who reads it.
I'll venture to suggest that you are doing so already. There is also journaling and as suggested already, writing a fictionalized account. The benefit may not lie in who reads it.
Yeah I am using and alternate method and abstracting it.
Here is the thing, your chances of writing a book that many people would read are slim. I think you imagine that people would sympathize with you and possibly cut you some slack.
You are an excellent candidate for seeking therapy. I strongly recomnend finding some.
If you want to write about yourself, keep a journal of all your problems and assign blame freely. If some of what you write is interesting, you can self publish. But I am doubtful that that many people will be interested.
I want to respectfully suggest that you begin to regard yourself as an actor in your life, instead of as a victim.
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