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Old Yesterday, 12:34 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
74,345 posts, read 65,996,010 times
Reputation: 70913

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sad_hotline View Post
Exactly. I didn't make this thread to take shots at my own gender. I'm just curious to hear more about how women relate to men. It genuinely surprised me that women have to think about their safety so much. Sometimes I carry a gun, but even when I don't, I still mostly never think about personal safety. I can't imagine having to think about it all the time.
Here's one the article didn't list:

Looking under the closed doors of bathroom stalls before using the bathroom, if staying late in a library or office building with few to no other people around. Doing the same anytime, anywhere, if the bathroom is in an isolated part of the building.
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Old Yesterday, 04:25 AM
Status: "Free Bird - Eagle has landed" (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Washington State
16,236 posts, read 8,444,109 times
Reputation: 13801
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
Men are not always perpetrators of injustice against women. There needs to be more balance in the discussion.
Okay here's some balance...78% of murder victims in the USA are male and worldwide, it's 79%. So men are roughly 4 times more likely to be murdered than women.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homici...tics_by_gender

Now when it comes to sexual crimes victimization, I don't have the statistics but in my experience, it's gong to be overwhelmingly female victims...we (men) need to work to drastically reduce that (open to suggestions). I do think it's sad that women worldwide do have to be careful and wary in everything they do.
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Old Yesterday, 04:54 AM
 
Location: Minnesota
392 posts, read 137,400 times
Reputation: 977
I remember the first time I truly experienced criminal sexual harassment from a male. I was 10 years old and walking in the early morning to a bus stop for school. I was only 1/2 block from my house. A man was standing by his car across the street. He asked me politely if I had seen a dog running loose and that he was missing his dog. I answered innocently that I had not. Suddenly he whipped out his private parts and said "here it is". I was terrified and humiliated. I remember running away but for some reason instead of running home I ran to the bus stop. I remember being so humilated and embarrassed I said nothing to anyone, not the other kids, the bus driver, or anyone at school. I got home later in the afternoon and told my parents what happened, and before I could even finish they were on the phone with the police, who came to our house and interviewed me. The man was never found, and who knows how many other children he did this to, or if he did anything worse to anyone. For a long time my parents drove me to school or to the bus stop after that.

That incident affected me very deeply and still does 36 years later. Unfortunately it wasn't the last or the worst. I can't share some of the other things I have suffered, but they were not with strangers, but with people I knew and trusted. I actually have an appointment next week with a new male physical therapist and i keep obsessing over whether I will feel safe enough to trust him, and whether I should have chosen a female, though I did choose him for very specific reasons. This is just one small thing I worry about. I go to a fitness center in the early mornings and have to park about a block away and walk in the dark. I am one who carries my key in my hand with my finger on the panic/alarm button to my car, ever mindful of who is around me.
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Old Yesterday, 04:59 AM
 
9,831 posts, read 7,644,627 times
Reputation: 24109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
Actually you are and it starts with being aware. Far better in my book to ask other men online and off to discuss this and explore why they donít see a problem.
Exactly. OP, as a man, you are in a great position to cause change. Start threads reaching out to men and discuss how their behaviors factor into women feeling unsafe.
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Old Yesterday, 08:56 AM
 
4,773 posts, read 1,670,754 times
Reputation: 11238
Quote:
Originally Posted by RJ312 View Post
Men are not always perpetrators of injustice against women. There needs to be more balance in the discussion.

No there doesn't. THIS is the topic being discussed here. If you want to talk about OTHER injustices against women, start a new thread.
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Old Yesterday, 09:06 AM
 
9,096 posts, read 7,569,199 times
Reputation: 12177
Iím a guy and I think about similar things. Where I drive, where I stop for gas, and checking my surroundings. Though women are more likely to be targeted for such crimes, that doesnít mean they donít target men for robbery. And it isnít just men who are the predators. There are women who commit such acts as a pack using their sexuality to get close to their target to either rob him or her personally or to lure the target away so guys they know can attack.
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Old Yesterday, 09:06 AM
 
4,773 posts, read 1,670,754 times
Reputation: 11238
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144 View Post
I've been very lucky in my life in that I've had few problems. It could be a feature of the area I live in, I could just be lucky, I don't know.

I know women whose experience is *vastly* different from mine. Women who, every day, experience comments and catcalls on the street (and not necessarily because they're attractive. Some are. Some get snarky comments or sarcasm because they're not. Others are average-looking but men just feel the need to make comments regardless, I guess). Women who have felt cornered by men who want to chat them up in public, and who have even been threatened by or experienced aggressive behavior from these men when they say they're not interested. And these are not even the ones who have been sexually assaulted.

It has occurred to me that because I've not had a reason to fear any men I've come across, that I may overassume that I'm safe and take risks others would find foolish; it may be that people would think the precautions other women take are over-paranoid because of not having experienced what those women have experienced that makes them so cautious. It's often at the back of my mind, though, and it's possible that some day my luck may run out and I might end up in a bad situation simply because I haven't learned to be wary enough.

And this is one of the biggest resentments I have...that I can't go where I want to go when I want to go, because "it's not safe". Actually...I DO go...and people tell me not to...and I have to do all the things on the Huffpo list to go where I want to go.


I like to walk. I actually feel safer walking on nature trails, than I do in my own neighborhood. Plus...I get bored walking around the neighborhood.


My mom doesn't like to hear that I walk nature trails. She thinks it's not safe. My husband doesn't like to hear that I walk nature trails. He thinks it's not safe. But I do it anyway. Yes, I'm carrying my keys between my fingers, and yes, I'm carrying my pepper spray, but dang it...if I wait around for someone to walk with me, I'll be waiting forever, and dang it...I don't want to limit my life worrying about what MIGHT happen.


Besides...nothing bad has happened to me on the trails. But in my own neighborhood, I had a couple of 'problematic' male neighbors who made me uncomfortable. I'd see their garage doors open...and I'd just go back inside.
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Old Yesterday, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
40,322 posts, read 38,884,101 times
Reputation: 76306
Quote:
Originally Posted by victimofGM View Post
I’m a guy and I think about similar things. Where I drive, where I stop for gas, and checking my surroundings. Though women are more likely to be targeted for such crimes, that doesn’t mean they don’t target men for robbery. And it isn’t just men who are the predators. There are women who commit such acts as a pack using their sexuality to get close to their target to either rob him or her personally or to lure the target away so guys they know can attack.
Lol yes packs of women using their sexuality to rob unsuspecting men is a HUGE problem that’s completely changed the way men subconsciously decide how to order and conduct their activities ...that is EXACTLY the topic here.

It’s like you certain guys have notifications set any time a thread has the word “women” in the title so you can stir the pot.
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Old Yesterday, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Colorado
10,337 posts, read 6,555,896 times
Reputation: 18568
Hm...

I don't consider myself to be very paranoid. I have an air of confidence, I'm willing to be in dangerous areas at night sometimes, I don't see every male around me as a threat. I don't carry my keys between my fingers and I own neither a gun, nor any kind of pepper spray or mace product.

However. I am very situationally aware, I'm pretty high-level at reading people and at social manipulation. And I do such things in a very mindful and conscious way. I know how to use eye contact and lack thereof to engage or disengage. I know how to walk as though you belong somewhere, as though you own the street. I know how to befriend and make allies of others, even people I just met. Sometimes I'm even more strategic than that.

I am a small woman, 5'3" and about 120 lbs. I go to GWAR concerts. Lots of them. If anyone doesn't know, those are some pretty serious mosh pits and I love to be up front on the barrier. I found that way too many times there was that ONE GUY, that sweaty, drunk, BIG man who just had to smoosh up behind me and lay his body practically over mine, arms over my shoulders, crushing me and soaking me in his stink and sweat. So I made a vest. It has 6" long spikes on the shoulders that curve up and back like a damn hedgehog or something. They are actually foam with a coating of acrylic and rubbery stuff, so they aren't actually sharp and won't harm anyone (couldn't wear them in a show if they could) but they LOOK vicious. They look like you don't want to lay your body up on them. And they keep That Guy off of me, very effectively. Muaha!

But more to the point I'm good at telling who I can and cannot trust and exactly how far. I have many male friends, but I don't tend to allow any situations for privacy, just the two of us in a private setting. My trust doesn't extend so far as that with them. I have different boundaries with men and women. Oh, and I never drink. I've never been intoxicated in my life. This is partly because my Dad was a scary drunk, part that I think alcohol tastes nasty, and part because as a teen, I had a female acquaintance get gang-raped at a party and alcohol was a major factor in it. So no thanks to alcohol now and forever.

But what is interesting...I am not a bad looking woman, and I wasn't a stunning beauty in my youth to the extent that I think the world would treat me vastly different then and now based on my looks. But I am more confident, my energy and bearing are different as an adult. I have not really had men for the most part harass me or threaten me or assault me or creep on me or anything, as an adult so much. But when I was a teenager? Oh yes, constantly.

I had far, far more grown men...of all kinds...various races, ages, apparent socioeconomic status...perv on me when I was like 12-16, than I ever did in all my years after that, from 17-39. Way, way more. It was the only time in my life where I'd say that I couldn't leave the house without feeling I needed to worry about men. And that was whether I was in a bad neighborhood or a good one. Again, even men who looked totally respectable, middling income, middle aged guys, really men of all sorts, were all about it when I was 12-16.

Frankly, I think some guys are just drawn to the appearance of vulnerability. When I started carrying myself like a bad-arse, and learned how to avoid eye contact, it all settled down a lot.
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Old Yesterday, 11:20 AM
 
9,096 posts, read 7,569,199 times
Reputation: 12177
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Lol yes packs of women using their sexuality to rob unsuspecting men is a HUGE problem thatís completely changed the way men subconsciously decide how to order and conduct their activities ...that is EXACTLY the topic here.

Itís like you certain guys have notifications set any time a thread has the word ďwomenĒ in the title so you can stir the pot.
It happens more often than you believe. Itís not funny at all. Itís not often reported because of the shame the guy feels at having been made a victim of such a crime by women.
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