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Probably because there are hundreds if not thousands of self-proclaimed "dating experts" on the planet. What they suggest is often based on their own experience. What worked for them may not work for someone else.
"thousands of self-proclaimed dating experts", isn't that the truth! - even City-Data forums has one (a dating expert) who weighs in and dominates EVERY thread on relationships! It's baffling to see the self-appointed, self-proclaimed expertise! And there is one other who is almost equal to the self-proclaimed expert who must add advice, opinion, and self-appointed expertise in every relationship-type thread/consternation thread..... mind-boggling, the dominance.
Last edited by matisse12; 01-05-2019 at 05:41 PM..
Thanks so much for this post. I agree with you 100%.
I think women get harangued with this advice more than men.
This whole "just chill out and love will find you when you least expect it" is nuts. Where in life does that really work?
Need a job? Just wait for it to show up on your front door step.
Want a car? Someone will bring it around to your house. Just hang on.
It's crazy. I've had significant professional success in my world by being a real go-getter. There's no way that I could sit on my haunches and just wait for success to roll my way.
If love happened when people least expected it, then asexual people would have the most romantic offers. I’m starting to think looks play a large part in the dating process, at least the beginning when you don’t know the individual’s personality. I know, there are couples where one is beautful and the other is a “lucky b**tard”, but those are exceptions and sometimes crazy cases.
Interesting fact: Before bombshell Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett, she dumped her former fiancée 2 days before the wedding. Then, the marriage to Lovett only lasted 3 years.
If love happened when people least expected it, then asexual people would have the most romantic offers. I’m starting to think looks play a large part in the dating process, at least the beginning when you don’t know the individual’s personality. I know, there are couples where one is beautful and the other is a “lucky b**tard”, but those are exceptions and sometimes crazy cases.
Interesting fact: Before bombshell Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett, she dumped her former fiancée 2 days before the wedding. Then, the marriage to Lovett only lasted 3 years.
I think looks are what we notice first. But that said, I see many people that don't match up on looks. I don't really like giving people numbers based on looks, but I see lots of 4s paired up with 8s and 9s. I think it might be that the longer we know someone the better-looking they become based on their personality. If someone is fun and interesting they become better looking over time.
I think looks are what we notice first. But that said, I see many people that don't match up on looks. I don't really like giving people numbers based on looks, but I see lots of 4s paired up with 8s and 9s. I think it might be that the longer we know someone the better-looking they become based on their personality. If someone is fun and interesting they become better looking over time.
It's been my experience that the "4s and 5s" are men and the "8s and 9s" are women. Women can look beyond first impressions and physical form and appearance. Based on my dating experience (as a very average-looking woman), men are wound up pretty tight when it comes to finding that gorgeous girl. They can't seem to think beyond looks.
Joel Osteen often speaks about how he was swept away by Victoria's beauty - the very first time he laid eyes on her - and knew that he had to marry her.
That story pisses me off every time. What did he know about her heart? Or her intellect? Or her soul? Or her sense of humor? Or her true nature?
NOT ONE THING.
He saw that she was physically attractive and yet that was enough.
It's been my experience that the "4s and 5s" are men and the "8s and 9s" are women. Women can look beyond first impressions and physical form and appearance. Based on my dating experience (as a very average-looking woman), men are wound up pretty tight when it comes to finding that gorgeous girl. They can't seem to think beyond looks.
Joel Osteen often speaks about how he was swept away by Victoria's beauty - the very first time he laid eyes on her - and knew that he had to marry her.
That story pisses me off every time. What did he know about her heart? Or her intellect? Or her soul? Or her sense of humor? Or her true nature?
NOT ONE THING.
He saw that she was physically attractive and yet that was enough.
Men are hard wired for beauty. It's evolutionary biology. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to put a lid on it, but it's always gonna be there.
In the same vein, women are more attracted to men who earn more money and/or look like they have money (even if they don't). Yes, they should but a brake on those tendencies, but they're always gonna be there to some degree. Again, evolutionary biology.
Men are hard wired for beauty. It's evolutionary biology. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to put a lid on it, but it's always gonna be there.
In the same vein, women are more attracted to men who earn more money and/or look like they have money (even if they don't). Yes, they should but a brake on those tendencies, but they're always gonna be there to some degree. Again, evolutionary biology.
Well, gosh. Correct, and correct. Usually. Hate the game, not the player, people.
I've found having money forgives many sins.
A well-decorated, cool place doesn't hurt, because it's safe. Women sniff around and find all the dirt, that's just what they do. No excuse for too much dirt, no one likes a pig, see below.
A clean car for dates doesn't hurt, a "cool" car doesn't hurt a bit either.
Clean grooming, plenty of politeness, not being a wolf or creep works wonders to endear them.
Some of the above are not "fair", and that's for sure. I did not always have these things. That's not fair either, from my POV, though objectively a First World problem as they say.
In the spirit of the thread, the above work "for me," middle aged White guy professional. I have all the dates I can handle and more these days, being something of a "playboy" as one of them said. I'm trying to juggle quite a few because dating is enjoyable, after all. The story blurs with more than 2-3 that I actually like, so that's the practical limit.
Most amusing part is I'm no great shakes to look at, though not a troll either. I am "very" amusing company; if you're a bit behind in looks, be waaaay ahead in personality and women almost certainly will respond positively, I've found, after tons of field research. I do admire that, see quoted.
Well, gosh. Correct, and correct. Usually. Hate the game, not the player, people.
I've found having money forgives many sins.
A well-decorated, cool place doesn't hurt, because it's safe. Women sniff around and find all the dirt, that's just what they do. No excuse for too much dirt, no one likes a pig, see below.
A clean car for dates doesn't hurt, a "cool" car doesn't hurt a bit either.
Clean grooming, plenty of politeness, not being a wolf or creep works wonders to endear them.
The bolded part reminded me of a guy I used to date. He lived about 2 hours drive from me. Usually he drove down state to see me, but one time I drove there, (on invitation) to see and be in his world.
And his house, especially his bathroom, was a filthy mess. His sink was black with grime.
Now...it's one thing to surprise someone, and just drop in for a visit. But this visit was because I was invited...and he couldn't clean the bathroom before I got there? That did NOT make a good impression on me.
The bolded part reminded me of a guy I used to date. He lived about 2 hours drive from me. Usually he drove down state to see me, but one time I drove there, (on invitation) to see and be in his world.
And his house, especially his bathroom, was a filthy mess. His sink was black with grime.
Now...it's one thing to surprise someone, and just drop in for a visit. But this visit was because I was invited...and he couldn't clean the bathroom before I got there? That did NOT make a good impression on me.
Black with grime? Ooh. I'm a guy and I've never won any neatness awards, but I've found 1/2 hour's worth of superficial cleaning and straightening up (i.e. doing the most noticeable things) can make a place go from awful to half decent. So I completely agree that was a bad sign.
Black with grime? Ooh. I'm a guy and I've never won any neatness awards, but I've found 1/2 hour's worth of superficial cleaning and straightening up (i.e. doing the most noticeable things) can make a place go from awful to half decent. So I completely agree that was a bad sign.
You could get a good Rule To Live By out of that - look around your home; if it would take more than a half hour or an hour to get it looking presentable for a first date, then yes - it is way too messy!
. . . and the worst places for an Aspie to go. I mean really, really, stay away from bars. People in bars, both men end women, are playing social mind games that you will never know how to play. Never.
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