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Old 01-04-2019, 06:56 PM
 
26 posts, read 6,644 times
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Like, one article tells me to “stop looking and let love find you”, and another says “get out more and force yourself into more arenas”.

So I’m supposed to stay home and force myself into the attic or pantry more often?
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Old 01-04-2019, 07:20 PM
 
Location: on the wind
5,053 posts, read 1,963,395 times
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Probably because there are hundreds if not thousands of self-proclaimed "dating experts" on the planet. What they suggest is often based on their own experience. What worked for them may not work for someone else.
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Old 01-04-2019, 08:04 PM
 
7,776 posts, read 5,704,443 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspergersSucks View Post
Like, one article tells me to “stop looking and let love find you”, and another says “get out more and force yourself into more arenas”.

So I’m supposed to stay home and force myself into the attic or pantry more often?
Dating advice is so contradictory because people are different and different things work for different people. Therefore, it is up to you to find an approach that works the most for you.
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Old 01-05-2019, 07:02 AM
 
18,319 posts, read 15,403,991 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspergersSucks View Post
Like, one article tells me to “stop looking and let love find you”, and another says “get out more and force yourself into more arenas”.

So I’m supposed to stay home and force myself into the attic or pantry more often?
You’re supposed to get out and live life, get out of your comfort zone and try new things. Doing so puts you in a place to meet people BUT don’t do it JUST to meet people, it has to be things you enjoy. It’s realkt not contradictory. When I’ve gone to meetups for things I liked (bowling) I was myself and natural and did meet someone that way once. Other times I went to meetups where I was not interested in the activity but just hoping to meet someone, and that shows, and results in (for me) being sad and wanting to leave if Prince Charming didn’t show up too.

In my experience when you go somewhere just to meet someone a desperate vibe comes off. But if you sit home you won’t be anyone. Do things you like with like minded people.
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Old 01-05-2019, 07:51 AM
 
2,403 posts, read 1,352,105 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspergersSucks View Post
Like, one article tells me to “stop looking and let love find you”, and another says “get out more and force yourself into more arenas”.

So I’m supposed to stay home and force myself into the attic or pantry more often?
That doesn't sound contradictory but it seems they are told out of order. One is an action. The other is the mindset when you take the action.

Step 1: Get out and meet more people just for the sake of meeting people. Mindset: Do not make it a point to fall in love or hope to date every person you meet. That makes you desperate.
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Old 01-05-2019, 08:19 AM
 
3,384 posts, read 1,876,771 times
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When someone posts under the name AspergersSucks, it indicates to me that this is a male having difficulty coping with the modern dating market. Females rarely are afflicted with Aspergers. Even without a formal diagnosis of Aspergers, the dating market is difficult for a lot of males.

First off, I would wonder how much treatment OP is getting for Aspergers. Asperger's is a serious condition that affects one's ability to socialize.

OP needs to be having the right combination of medication and therapy, and getting out in person and doing approaches.
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Old 01-05-2019, 11:17 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
27,304 posts, read 59,237,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspergersSucks View Post
Why is dating advice so contradictory?
It's not.

Quote:
Like, one article tells me to “stop looking and let love find you”,
and another says “get out more and force yourself into more arenas”.
Get out more, force yourself into more arenas with new people learning and doing new things
and perhaps even teaching things you already know. In a word: Engage. But while you're there
don't misuse the facility or the others time to look for more than friendship from anyone
... and let love find you while you're busy doing something else.

Asperger issues aside... perhaps your problem is reading comprehension?
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Old 01-05-2019, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
16,669 posts, read 10,241,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspergersSucks View Post
Like, one article tells me to “stop looking and let love find you”, and another says “get out more and force yourself into more arenas”.

So I’m supposed to stay home and force myself into the attic or pantry more often?


I come from the school of "If you throw enough stuff up against a wall, some of it is going to stick." So, I believe if you get out there, date a lot, you will eventually find someone who is aligned with your personal feelings and desires more than if you just sit back and wait.

Bars are the best place to find love.
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Old 01-05-2019, 01:24 PM
 
1,781 posts, read 2,074,084 times
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Thanks so much for this post. I agree with you 100%.

I think women get harangued with this advice more than men.

This whole "just chill out and love will find you when you least expect it" is nuts. Where in life does that really work?

Need a job? Just wait for it to show up on your front door step.

Want a car? Someone will bring it around to your house. Just hang on.

It's crazy. I've had significant professional success in my world by being a real go-getter. There's no way that I could sit on my haunches and just wait for success to roll my way.
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Old 01-05-2019, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Outside US
665 posts, read 265,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AspergersSucks View Post
Like, one article tells me to “stop looking and let love find you”, and another says “get out more and force yourself into more arenas”.

So I’m supposed to stay home and force myself into the attic or pantry more often?
Why not a combination of both?

If one looks to hard they may end up with the wrong person but one does need to get out for more exposure to a wider pool of potential partners.
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