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Old 01-11-2019, 07:35 PM
 
1,551 posts, read 549,270 times
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"I'm trying to find out who spread this rumor"
you and it was not rumor. it was truth.
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Old 01-11-2019, 07:41 PM
 
75 posts, read 13,039 times
Reputation: 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cali504 View Post
That's why it's best to not have sex at such a young age. It was probably the guy. In the future trust no one.
Best advice yet !!!!
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Old 01-11-2019, 10:36 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
1,872 posts, read 750,851 times
Reputation: 5240
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatUneed View Post
First I'd like to thank everyone who responded. You have been really helpful. Most of the answers said that either the ex betrayed me, and/or I betrayed myself.

I guess the simplest answer is that I did betray myself. Saying that means I don't care about who told who, because when it comes to blame, the answer always comes back around to me. I accept that, but I do have to clarify that it was never my intention to go apesh*t on that person. I just wanted to know so I don't make the same mistake again. I always saw the big picture, so I understood that in the end this won't really matter.

As for the promised update, I did see him just a few hours ago. He said he told no one about it. One thing I found interesting about the conversation is how he took the question. I asked him if he told anyone, he said he didn't, then I asked him if he's sure, he answered that he's 100% sure he said nothing. We went off topic for a while, then I asked again just before we parted, if he really didn't talk, he still approached it as me asking if he accidentally told anyone, but that could mean nothing and it could be because of the way I asked him the first time.

Idk idk, I really know nothing at this point, I'm just an extremely confused teen. I want to say he seemed sincere and of course my gut never tells me anything in these situations. I want to trust him, but it could be because of previous attachment and old habits.

If any of you have anything to add to this, I'd greatly appreciate it. As you can tell I am in desperate need of guidance.
Well, Iím sure my reply wonít be appreciated by most here, but that never stopped me before.

You may be 17 and physically able to have sex, but your reaction to this tells me you had no business doing the deed. Sorry, Iím from another generation and yes,I too was once 17 and did some pretty dumb things with the opposite sex myself. Been there, done that. Being able to handle the fallout however is a whole nuther matter. Your now ex filed another notch in his gun,so to speak and bragged about it to all his pals. Thatís what teenage boys do, itís how theyíre wired. The take away from all of this is you must learn to think more highly of yourself in your next relationship. You are much more than a toy for some hormone enraged boy to play with. Respect yourself, and others will learn to do the same.
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Old 01-11-2019, 11:21 PM
 
686 posts, read 162,883 times
Reputation: 1964
As soon as you are out of high school this won't matter to you. It already has probably been replaced with a new rumor about someone else. Don't waste your time fretting over it.

Do remember that if you don't want people to know you are doing something that it's best to just not do it. Then there's nothing to tell.

Oh, if you didn't use birth control .....do so in any future relationships, and practice safe sex. :-)
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Old 01-12-2019, 12:08 AM
 
Location: League City, Texas
2,838 posts, read 4,412,950 times
Reputation: 5877
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curly Q. Bobalink View Post
If a 17 yo guy had sex and didn't at least brag about it to his best friend, it would be like the first time this happened since humans started walking upright.
This ^^.
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Old 01-12-2019, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,148 posts, read 4,409,381 times
Reputation: 17227
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Twist View Post
As soon as you are out of high school this won't matter to you. It already has probably been replaced with a new rumor about someone else. Don't waste your time fretting over it.

Do remember that if you don't want people to know you are doing something that it's best to just not do it. Then there's nothing to tell.

Oh, if you didn't use birth control .....do so in any future relationships, and practice safe sex. :-)
^^^Yes, this^^^^.

Get yourself to the nearest Planned Parenthood and get on some form of birth control as soon as possible. An unplanned pregnancy is much, much worse than a "rumor". By the way, it's not really a rumor if it's true, is it?? The word you are looking for is "gossip", not rumor.
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Old 01-12-2019, 09:57 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
74,609 posts, read 66,267,711 times
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OP, offhand, I vote for your ex being the source of the rumors. Maybe he bragged to his friends, or to one or two friends, and they blabbed. Not sure why you're going after your gf's. Why are you assuming you can trust your ex? He's an ex, after all. Guys gossip, and the honest ones will admit, that men gossip a lot more than women.

Oh, and just curious; is it normal where you live, for HS kids to drink coffee?
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Old 01-12-2019, 01:56 PM
 
18 posts, read 1,437 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark View Post
OP:
You say you want to trust him, Ex, but you don't need to trust him he is your EX. Move on, Don't make the same mistake again. Keep your private life private.
Also where are you since you said not America?
By the way, I started having sex at 15, married at 16, had baby while still 16. The upside is I have been married to say guy, first sex partner, for over 50 years now and have five grown children and 3 grandchildren. So it doesn't always turn out bad. I am not recommending this for you by the way, just saying I can understand .
oh no no I don't want to get back with him, he's actually trying for us to stay friends. I just want to know if he even deserves that. But I move on fast. Actually writing this on the forum made me feel better so I care less about the whole "scandal", so I'll just carry on not caring about that and let him be on good terms with me and all that.

I'm glad it worked out so well for you, but I'm not lucky like that. Thankfully, I don't care if he was my first or not. Just like I didn't care about who was my first kiss, first boyfriend, first make-out, etc.
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Old 01-12-2019, 01:58 PM
 
18 posts, read 1,437 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curly Q. Bobalink View Post
If a 17 yo guy had sex and didn't at least brag about it to his best friend, it would be like the first time this happened since humans started walking upright.

That being said, I thought of a way to test your girlfriends. Instead of confronting them, you should have told each of them a different, really scandalous "secret" (made up, of course, and easily provable as false, a story which "NO ONE" other than you and each friend knew about). Then, whichever story ended up as gossip in the schoolyard, you'd have your culprit. But I'm pretty sure it was Ben Franklin (or Mark Twain?) who said something like, "Three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead".
So you're suggesting I pull a Don Corleone on them? It's funny because I actually did I didn't say anything scandalous that would have backlash and harm me more. Just told one of them that we got back together. I think that would make for some juicy gossip that won't totally destroy my rep, plus it will spread fast.
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Old 01-12-2019, 02:08 PM
 
18 posts, read 1,437 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron61 View Post
Well, Iím sure my reply wonít be appreciated by most here, but that never stopped me before.

You may be 17 and physically able to have sex, but your reaction to this tells me you had no business doing the deed. Sorry, Iím from another generation and yes,I too was once 17 and did some pretty dumb things with the opposite sex myself. Been there, done that. Being able to handle the fallout however is a whole nuther matter. Your now ex filed another notch in his gun,so to speak and bragged about it to all his pals. Thatís what teenage boys do, itís how theyíre wired. The take away from all of this is you must learn to think more highly of yourself in your next relationship. You are much more than a toy for some hormone enraged boy to play with. Respect yourself, and others will learn to do the same.
Don't know why you said it wouldn't be appreciated, all of it makes sense to me.
You're right, I had no business there, because I preferred to keep my private life private and I was uncomfortable with it the moment I heard all the gossip. Honestly I feel violated by all those people who sit there and talk because they clearly have nothing else to do (yes I'm salty rn, sue me).

I mean, I don't have any problems with the fallout, people come and go. The reason I slept with him was because I told myself that if this isn't forever, I don't care and I just did it because I felt like it. I don't regret any of it either. It was an experience and I learned from it. I don't feel used either: it was fun for him AND me.
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