How can I tell who betrayed me?

[chessimprov]

Originally Posted by whatUneed

I mean, he didn't directly say that. I checked the chat and translated our conversation:
- ... rumor spread all over school
- yeah this is exactly why i didn't talk about the relationship anywhere
- so the gossip came out of thin air?
- whoever told me anything about our relationship, said they heard it from you
- all I said was that we were together for 8 months and then WE broke up. Didn't even specify who ditched who and the only reason I said anything at all was because they already knew we were together and now we aren't, so I didn't think it mattered.
- I mean just think about it. Anyone who knows me finds out I had a relationship for 8 months...
- I get it yeah but there are some details I hear
- what details?
- why do person1 and person2 think I gave a **?
- I have no idea if they just think that or if they know it as fact. Actually even before we broke up those two pissed me off, joked with me saying you were pregnant, like you're on the 8th month and sh*t
- what the actual f*ck
- what do you even do when you hear all this sh*t?? How do you react?? Because honestly, I don't know how to react anymore. Some of it even sounds funny at this point.
- I just ignore it. What else can I do?
- Moments like these, I wish I was a boy
- Doesn't matter. It's the exact same mindf*ck. No difference whatsoever.
- Why not? You get points because you're that "cool dude"
- Meh, to each their own. In any case, I always try to not let word get out about things like this

So those were the texts we exchanged. Let me know if that changes your opinion on the matter

So, if he let it out, it was probably unconsciously. Also, people could've assumed something happened- especially if there was a lot of detail mentioned/discussed or maybe certain non-verbal communication he had portrayed and people assumed. I wouldn't worry about it now and focus on yourself.

[chessimprov]

Originally Posted by whatUneed

But isn't it fact that it is exactly my fault?

It's not your fault unless you make it that way.
The way I see it, No One is at fault. Who cares what other people think about this. People are gossipy and nosy. Just focus on improving yourself.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by whatUneed

I think to better understand this, you need some backstory: so a few months ago, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 8 months. I told 3 people about it: my sister and my 2 closest friends. Somehow, word got out about it around school. I'm trying to find out who spread this rumor. Obviously, it wasn't my sister: she's older than me and has no connection whatsoever to my school (and also because I trust her 100%). That leaves my two friends and that boyfriend who is now currently an ex.

Now, I'd like to focus on one of those friends. She's one year younger than me (I'm 17), let's call her F1. I've known her for not very long, so I'm suspicious of her. She interacts the most with the school kids. She's the one who informed me about those rumors. Today I called F1 over to my house. I made sure it was a calm environment so she didn't feel stressed out or anything. I left her the impression that I just wanted her to come over and hang out. When she did, I acted same as usual, made her some coffee, etc. Then I asked her if she maybe told someone, even accidentally. She denied it, said why would she do that. I asked her if she was sure, she said she's sure. I think throughout the conversation, I made her verify it 4 times. She got defensive after the 2nd time I asked, even got a little offended that I even thought that, her main argument was: Why would I do that, why would I tell anyone. She even blamed my ex, saying she's sure he did it, since he interacts with the people she heard those rumors about me from.

While we were talking, I don't think she babbled much. F1 was mostly defending herself, she certainly felt a little uncomfortable. She said she's not good friends with those people anymore, she defended me when she heard bad things from them about me. She started discussing who it could have been.

Out of this information, can anyone tell me if F1 was lying or not? She did seem to be repeating: "why would i do that?" but it could be because i was also repeating my question.

And I know what you're thinking: there's a great chance it was the ex who did it. I agree with you, but I haven't talked to him about this face-to-face yet. I've texted, but he said it's nothing to brag about to those people. Even while we were together, before I had lost my virginity, the same bunch of people told him I'm pregnant. He also suggested the rumors were created by themselves and nobody actually betrayed me.

I certainly wasn't his first, though that doesn't mean he wouldn't brag about it. But the rumors could have actually created themselves: when people heard that our relationship lasted over 8 months, someone says: "they had sex... probably" then that spreads as fact and voila! But, then again, there were some more detailed rumors: "she gave him a **" and "they did stuff in a car", etc. Can those details really be speculated?

In a few days I'll talk to him face-to-face as well and do an update if anybody answers my thread. Thank you for reading and trying to help me out!

You're never going to know for sure. I would stop trying.

[whatUneed]

Originally Posted by chessimprov

So, if he let it out, it was probably unconsciously. Also, people could've assumed something happened- especially if there was a lot of detail mentioned/discussed or maybe certain non-verbal communication he had portrayed and people assumed. I wouldn't worry about it now and focus on yourself.

Yeah, there's nothing else I can do at this point.
Thanks for your help.