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The internet has allowed me to read a lot of anecdotes from women on how threatened/harassed/menaced men can make them. About how they need to tell their friends/family where they go, how they need to always have an escape plan, how they cross the street if they are alone and a man is walking towards them, etc.
Is this (planning around the possible threat of an aggressive male) a universal part of the female experience?
As a young man, it's really jarring to hear, as I rarely worry about my safety. Is there a change you would like to see in men, in general?
Well err yes , and for my mother ,and her mother, and now my daughter,so it’s not new. Some countries are worse than others ,but I’m guessing you are addressing this to the American readers?
After all that reading and awareness my question to you is what have you learned? Have to altered your own behaviours or do you speak up if you see male friends behaving in a way that contributes to the problem.
Well err yes , and for my mother ,and her mother, and now my daughter,so it’s not new. Some countries are worse than others ,but I’m guessing you are addressing this to the American readers?
After all that reading and awareness my question to you is what have you learned? Have to altered your own behaviours or do you speak up if you see male friends behaving in a way that contributes to the problem.
To be honest, I am not much in a position to affect change. When I walk at night and see a lone woman I usually cross the street, and when I talk to women working in retail/food service I avoid small talk (I guess a lot of men hit on women working in this sector). Beyond that, not much, but maybe one day a moment will arise that necessitates intervention.
Yes. My whole life. Now 56 yrs. I grew up in a metropolitan city, and learned from a young age to be aware of my surroundings. Be wary of men. Don't talk to strangers, and don't get in their cars. All of my street smart experiences had to do with men. Grown men. Teenage boys. Peers in grade school. ANY men.
I had NO issues with women or girls in that regards.
To be honest, I am not much in a position to affect change. When I walk at night and see a lone woman I usually cross the street, and when I talk to women working in retail/food service I avoid small talk (I guess a lot of men hit on women working in this sector). Beyond that, not much, but maybe one day a moment will arise that necessitates intervention.
Actually you are and it starts with being aware. Far better in my book to ask other men online and off to discuss this and explore why they don’t see a problem.
The internet has allowed me to read a lot of anecdotes from women on how threatened/harassed/menaced men can make them. About how they need to tell their friends/family where they go, how they need to always have an escape plan, how they cross the street if they are alone and a man is walking towards them, etc.
Is this (planning around the possible threat of an aggressive male) a universal part of the female experience?
As a young man, it's really jarring to hear, as I rarely worry about my safety. Is there a change you would like to see in men, in general?
Well.
I would like everyone to treat each other as people instead of as an extension of their genitals.
And police each other.
I can't ask or blame all men for what a few chosen creeps decide to do. I can only remind them to create or foster an atmosphere where the creeps feel less emboldened to do it.
It includes 34 things women often think about daily. OP how often do you think about using your keys as a weapon if you need to?
“1. Walk with our keys grasped between our fingers in case we need to use them as a weapon.
2. Making sure to have the correct key out and ready before we get to our door...”
I think this is the main point:
“Altogether, these small behavioral modifications amount to an atmosphere where women’s mobility is dictated by safety concerns.”
The Golda Meir quote at the beginning is pure gold though.
It includes 34 things women often think about daily. OP how often do you think about using your keys as a weapon if you need to?
“1. Walk with our keys grasped between our fingers in case we need to use them as a weapon.
2. Making sure to have the correct key out and ready before we get to our door...”
I think this is the main point:
“Altogether, these small behavioral modifications amount to an atmosphere where women’s mobility is dictated by safety concerns.”
The Golda Meir quote at the beginning is pure gold though.
Isn’t it wonderful that we have to have a mile long list of do’s and don’ts .... just to be able to leave the house!
And still.... being out alone is a crapshoot.
I've been very lucky in my life in that I've had few problems. It could be a feature of the area I live in, I could just be lucky, I don't know.
I know women whose experience is *vastly* different from mine. Women who, every day, experience comments and catcalls on the street (and not necessarily because they're attractive. Some are. Some get snarky comments or sarcasm because they're not. Others are average-looking but men just feel the need to make comments regardless, I guess). Women who have felt cornered by men who want to chat them up in public, and who have even been threatened by or experienced aggressive behavior from these men when they say they're not interested. And these are not even the ones who have been sexually assaulted.
It has occurred to me that because I've not had a reason to fear any men I've come across, that I may overassume that I'm safe and take risks others would find foolish; it may be that people would think the precautions other women take are over-paranoid because of not having experienced what those women have experienced that makes them so cautious. It's often at the back of my mind, though, and it's possible that some day my luck may run out and I might end up in a bad situation simply because I haven't learned to be wary enough.
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