U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-11-2019, 08:16 PM
 
Location: Washington state
4,908 posts, read 2,460,859 times
Reputation: 14418

Advertisements

Asperger Syndrome goes through a whole range of symptoms. What one person with AS does may not be what the next 100 people with AS do. One thing for sure, a person with AS can certainly understand what someone else with AS is going through. And that may be the link.

I've had plenty of people laugh at me because of what I've said and the things I like (and don't like), and not in a good way. For me, it would be a relief to have someone understand the quirks that make me me and not be laughed at. It would also be nice to just be accepted for who I am, especially since even my family thinks I'm weird.

I actually consider AS a gift of sorts, so if someone has it, they need to find someone who is going to appreciate it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-11-2019, 09:47 PM
 
10,734 posts, read 7,816,361 times
Reputation: 19109
Why would you even bring it up? Just a topic of conversation? Like sharing your cholesterol level?
Either you get along or you don't. If you do, great! Let's see how long that lasts! When you start discussing having children you might mention it.
I think bringing it up would be like asking her to overlook your odd behavior. Not really fair. Just be you, whether you have it or not. If she likes you *ding ding ding* she's a winner.
Don't just give her an excuse. Plus you might attract those weirdos who think they can fix you or mother you or save you. Others might use it as ammunition to be mean.
JUST BE WHO YOU ARE! No labels.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-12-2019, 01:19 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,915 posts, read 40,244,940 times
Reputation: 48871
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrainGardens View Post
I had a doctor tell me I have it but never got a second opinion. I was young so I am not sure about methods of data on how you justify a person as having it. So I am not even sure if I have it.

If a women knows a man has asperger's syndrome does that make him less attractive to the women? I know this is a generalization but do you think it is seen as a weird thing to the majority of women?
Many people have this level of ASD, and aren't aware that they do, have never been diagnosed or sought diagnosis, etc. Many people with this level of ASD are in relationships, married, raising children, etc., diagnosed and otherwise.

As far as methods of data, autism spectrum disorders, as with all diagnoses of its nature, are diagnosed by evaluations that measure where symptoms and functionality fall in comparison to diagnostic criteria outlined by the DSM-5. There are a number of diagnostic tools that are used together to perform neuropsych and behavioral evaluations and assessments. Because autism presents with behavioral and developmental symptoms, all are evaluated.

As far as being "less attractive," the main issue that people with this form of autism frequently come up against is difficulty with socially adaptive behavior. If you have a difficult time communicating well with others, connecting deeply with others in relationships, engaging other people effectively, showing interest and empathy for others (not just feeling it, but showing it, too), these things are bound to be barriers in connecting to others. It's not as cut and dried an issue of "people just don't like people with Asperger's," it's that higher functioning autism spectrum disorders often present with behavior that is offputting to others, socially, and prevents them from feeling they are able to connect well.

You may or may not be a person who has these challenges...everyone with ASDs experiences their own type of symptomology.

Really, though, it doesn't matter if you identify with a diagnostic label or not. If you routinely exhibit behavior others find offputting, relationships of all kinds will be more challenging for you to succesfully navigate.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-12-2019, 01:24 AM
 
37 posts, read 7,574 times
Reputation: 25
I have to be more open with the person at my local bakery I like.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-12-2019, 01:26 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,915 posts, read 40,244,940 times
Reputation: 48871
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post
(I'm not a doctor or psychology professional, only an observant layman.)

I do believe in the DSM V they list "Autism Spectrum Disorders" along a continuum. Somewhere in there is what they formerly called "Aspergers."
This is correct.

The symptomology that constituted the former Asperger's syndrome diagnosis (named for the psychologist who first identified a form of autism that presented without the standard delay in acquiring verbal language skills) is now included under the umbrella of autism itself, for diagnostic purposes.

Diagnostically, the only thing that definitively separated Asperger's syndrome from other forms of autism prior to this change was that those diagnosed evidenced no language delay as small children. Some people think that Asperger's is simply "milder" autism, but that's actually not a good definition, due to subjectivity regarding what "mild" means. It may or may not be milder than other forms of autism, all of which exist on a spectrum. You can have people with classic, Kanner-type autism whose symptoms are quite mild and functionality is quite high, and you can have people who, as with the former Asperger's designation, experienced no language delay, but are nonetheless significantly impaired in the realms of social and emotional functioning.

As an illustrative anecdote, my spouse has a cousin in his fifties, whose ASD presented with, among other things, early childhood failure to develop verbal language at the typical age range. So his condition would not have received the Asperger's designator, which came to be of use during his childhood. He would have been simply considered "autistic," "classically" so. While he does not live independently, and does not drive, he is able to function with a large degree of personal independence. He works a job at a neighborhood grocery store, where he can walk to and from work. He takes the bus to the movie theatre, one of his favorite outings. He goes Christmas shopping year-round, it is one of his favorite things to do, and he manages his money well, with the assistance of his caregiver. He performs all his own basic life skills needs, but requires some supervision managing his dietary restrictions (he has celiac issues, and impulse control is a problem, so left to his own devices, he is prone to eating thins that can cause health issues). Basically, though, he is very independent and functional.

By contrast, I have had a number of students and clients who have what was called Asperger's, who are nowhere near as functional or independent as he is, because their social impairments cause them such difficulty. I'm talking people who have extreme difficulty keeping jobs, because of their inability to interact effectively with supervisors, colleagues, combativeness with others, resistance to job training/coaching, because they must do things a particular way, etc.

So it is not as cut and dry as one type of autism being more or less severe in impact than another. It's very individual.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-12-2019, 02:35 AM
 
9,160 posts, read 7,626,083 times
Reputation: 12253
Iím approaching 50 years old. Was 43 when I was diagnosed as having Aspergers. Virtually no dating in high school. After high school I dated many women. First marriage didnít work out partially due to the rigors of Navy life (was in the Navy). Iíve been married since 2006 and weíre still together. Some things some women liked about me that are traits of Aspergers include honesty (I find it difficult to lie) and faithful (cheating on spouse to me is a form of lying). Have had to learn to control my explosions or breakdowns by recognizing triggers. Being honest and open with spouse about triggers also helps. A supportive spouse is a good spouse. A vindictive spouse will try to use your triggers and condition against you. If you find youíre in such a relationship, get out. No spouse is better than one who is manipulative against you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-12-2019, 03:58 AM
 
626 posts, read 389,085 times
Reputation: 619
Someone out there for everyone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-12-2019, 04:00 AM
 
404 posts, read 122,119 times
Reputation: 919
I generally love people with aspergers! They are so quirky and usually quite witty. I enjoy talking with them, hanging out with them, etc.

I was once on the phone with a guy when he suddenly said "I'm done talking now" - I said a quick good bye and boom! Off the phone. So refreshing!

Truthfully, I can be quite over the top sometimes. So I really appreciate it when others are 'awkward' as well. Heck, I suppose I might technically rate on ASD the scale somewhere....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-12-2019, 08:46 AM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,059 posts, read 4,388,569 times
Reputation: 9049
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Many people have this level of ASD, and aren't aware that they do, have never been diagnosed or sought diagnosis, etc. Many people with this level of ASD are in relationships, married, raising children, etc., diagnosed and otherwise.

As far as methods of data, autism spectrum disorders, as with all diagnoses of its nature, are diagnosed by evaluations that measure where symptoms and functionality fall in comparison to diagnostic criteria outlined by the DSM-5. There are a number of diagnostic tools that are used together to perform neuropsych and behavioral evaluations and assessments. Because autism presents with behavioral and developmental symptoms, all are evaluated.

As far as being "less attractive," the main issue that people with this form of autism frequently come up against is difficulty with socially adaptive behavior. If you have a difficult time communicating well with others, connecting deeply with others in relationships, engaging other people effectively, showing interest and empathy for others (not just feeling it, but showing it, too), these things are bound to be barriers in connecting to others. It's not as cut and dried an issue of "people just don't like people with Asperger's," it's that higher functioning autism spectrum disorders often present with behavior that is offputting to others, socially, and prevents them from feeling they are able to connect well.

You may or may not be a person who has these challenges...everyone with ASDs experiences their own type of symptomology.

Really, though, it doesn't matter if you identify with a diagnostic label or not. If you routinely exhibit behavior others find offputting, relationships of all kinds will be more challenging for you to successfully navigate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
This is correct.

The symptomology that constituted the former Asperger's syndrome diagnosis (named for the psychologist who first identified a form of autism that presented without the standard delay in acquiring verbal language skills) is now included under the umbrella of autism itself, for diagnostic purposes.

Diagnostically, the only thing that definitively separated Asperger's syndrome from other forms of autism prior to this change was that those diagnosed evidenced no language delay as small children. Some people think that Asperger's is simply "milder" autism, but that's actually not a good definition, due to subjectivity regarding what "mild" means. It may or may not be milder than other forms of autism, all of which exist on a spectrum. You can have people with classic, Kanner-type autism whose symptoms are quite mild and functionality is quite high, and you can have people who, as with the former Asperger's designation, experienced no language delay, but are nonetheless significantly impaired in the realms of social and emotional functioning.

As an illustrative anecdote, my spouse has a cousin in his fifties, whose ASD presented with, among other things, early childhood failure to develop verbal language at the typical age range. So his condition would not have received the Asperger's designator, which came to be of use during his childhood. He would have been simply considered "autistic," "classically" so. While he does not live independently, and does not drive, he is able to function with a large degree of personal independence. He works a job at a neighborhood grocery store, where he can walk to and from work. He takes the bus to the movie theatre, one of his favorite outings. He goes Christmas shopping year-round, it is one of his favorite things to do, and he manages his money well, with the assistance of his caregiver. He performs all his own basic life skills needs, but requires some supervision managing his dietary restrictions (he has celiac issues, and impulse control is a problem, so left to his own devices, he is prone to eating thins that can cause health issues). Basically, though, he is very independent and functional.

By contrast, I have had a number of students and clients who have what was called Asperger's, who are nowhere near as functional or independent as he is, because their social impairments cause them such difficulty. I'm talking people who have extreme difficulty keeping jobs, because of their inability to interact effectively with supervisors, colleagues, combativeness with others, resistance to job training/coaching, because they must do things a particular way, etc.

So it is not as cut and dry as one type of autism being more or less severe in impact than another. It's very individual.
+1.

My first husband has ASD, as do two of our kids. His difficulty with communication/interpersonal skills was an issue at different points during our marriage.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-12-2019, 12:49 PM
 
10,012 posts, read 7,939,785 times
Reputation: 18046
I have encountered people with "Asperger's" and other levels of autism in the workplace, socially - and in my family, with a relative who has never been diagnosed but who demonstrates very typical traits of "Asperger's" (using quotes as this term is no longer officially used but remains very useful).

Typical problematic issues of many of these people include grooming, lack of ordinary good manners (at the table, and in general: not holding doors for others, barging ahead, walking too fast or too slowly when walking with others, putting feet on furniture when a guest, carelessness with others' possessions (damaging loaned books, picking up fragile items in others' homes and banging them back down), standing too close to others, interrupting others with rather childish or disrespectful interjections, engaging in lengthy monologues about favorite topics, often quite obscure ones in which their captive audiences are unlikely to have much or any interest, blurting out seemingly intentional controversial and/or antagonistic comments (about politics, the opposite sex, religion, etc.) and behaving much younger than their actual years in an unattractive manner.

On the other hand, many people with this diagnosis are honest, hard workers, never late for work, innovative, highly intelligent, and creative. So it's a very mixed bag. My relative, for example, is well-educated, has no issues with personal grooming but is messy at home. He has good table manners and does hold doors, etc., but has very fixed negative ideas about women and various politicians and their supporters. He does not take direction well, so cannot seem to hold a job. He has gone from one extreme to the other politically in recent years. His social and intellectual maturity level seems to be similar to typical late teenagers - but he is in his late thirties.

He has attended over ten different churches in his community, searching for a church home, but has found fault with all of them. He will talk for hours - uninvited - about his favorite obscure topic, to others who have little or no interest in it.

Both of his parents have tried to help him, as have other relatives, but he self-sabotages and or gets angry and defensive - while leaching off his parents. He has finally been booted out of his parents' home, thankfully - just hope he doesn't appear on my own doorstep one of these days! If he does and I can't hide in the back room, I'll take him out for a meal, thank him for coming by - and get outta Dodge myself until the coast is clear.

Or I'll fake a severe cold, or tell him my guest room is being painted, or tell him I'm leaving in a few hours for a trip around the world, or...whatever. I don't need or want the complications he inevitably brings. Not my circus, not my monkey.

A young woman with whom I worked in the past was a hard worker, showed up on time, and was highly intelligent - but her grooming was awful, she talked to both coworkers and clients about random topics way too much and for too long, and was difficult to get away from to get back to work (she would follow others across the room in order to continue her monologs), stood too close to others and had a tendency to smart off in conversations, including business meetings.

Her supervisors spoke to her - to little avail. Grooming would improve for a week or so, then she'd revert to her old patterns. Probation had little positive effect, as she was blind to how she came across to others. She probably would have done very well in research, where she did not need to engage with others as much as she did in this workplace and where her intellect could be put to more appropriate use.

A young man I encountered years ago in the traditional dance community, which is notably very accepting and welcoming, had terrible grooming, always wore the same red plaid flannel shirt, year in, year out, and was grossly overweight. A male member of the dance group attempted to talk with him privately about the need to shower and change clothes before coming to dances - he blankly responded, "What's the use of that?? You're just going to get sweaty when you dance, anyway...".

He had a sadistic streak and took pleasure in crunching others' hands when dancing- eventually, a tall, strong woman told him off in no uncertain terms when he tried to crunch her hand, and I think it scared the daylights out of him. He was warned to knock it off, but then he switched to deliberately try to trip others as they passed in front of him, which finally got him permanently kicked out of the group when others witnessed this happening to a woman who had experienced a painful back injury a few months previously, and who had just recently returned to the dance group as she recovered.

So - like everyone else, people with Asperger's (or in the last young man's case, probably something considerably more complicated) are individuals, but certain behavioral and thought patterns seem to be common, and it's many of those behavioral patterns in others' company that can cause problems.

So - keep yourself and your attire clean. Get your hair cut and/or styled regularly. Brush up on ordinary good manners. Treat others - men and women alike - with respect, and listen to what they have to say and make a conscious effort to avoid self-centeredness. Make eye contact but don't bore in on others' eyes as if you're visually digging to China.

If you have a favorite topic or hobby, be sure others are interested as well before talking for more than five minutes about it. Learn how to engage in small talk - the weather, meals if you're sharing a table with someone, your immediate surroundings, and so on. Try to be positive and upbeat when appropriate.

Do not make jokes about tragedies, especially others' personal tragedies- I wanted to knock my relative through the roof a few months ago when he smirked and made a tactless and tasteless - and hurtful - "joke" about a terrible family tragedy which took the life of a very dear relative whom he never knew.

If you are employed, be sure to listen to your boss and fellow employees, don't smart off, interrupt or try to be "cute" during serious conversations, don't be deliberately antagonistic, and make a real effort to be open minded and flexible. Observe the same behavior at social events.

It can be difficult for people on the spectrum to behave in ways that come easily and become engrained with other people, as it will take a conscious effort and continual self-awareness. But eventually, things like good grooming, table manners, etc. become second nature. Establishing a daily routine can help with this.

As for productive and pleasant interactions with others, that can be more problematic, but again, with a conscious effort, can be done. Journaling can also help with this - if you're about to spout off about something you know may cause a ruckus but feel the strong urge to spout off anyway, promise yourself you'll explode or be clever in your journal as soon as you can rather than speaking out in a damaging way.

Best wishes to you.

Last edited by CraigCreek; 01-12-2019 at 01:14 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top