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Old 01-17-2019, 07:43 PM
 
58 posts, read 13,054 times
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At my first job out of college, my boss told me I was too quiet and he never knew what I was thinking. I responded by saying if you want to know what I am thinking, why don't you just ask me. He was kind of a poor supervisor, insecure and suspicious. He never got promoted past that level.



When I am in a meeting and do not say much, if anyone makes a crack about me being too quiet, I respond by saying something like everything I thought that needed to be said was said and I did not want to rehash it by repeating any of it. I usually keep good notes, and often would summarize the action items and who was responsible for each.
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Old 01-17-2019, 08:04 PM
 
1,452 posts, read 1,866,967 times
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They get picked on because they are the "Wrong Type Of Quiet!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger was very "quiet" in the "Terminator" movies, lock jawed, expressionless, dark sunglasses on so people could not "read his eyes". He gave absolutely no visual cues or body language of what actions or consequences might ensue if he were "picked on".

"Quiet" dogs, the one's who don't bark or otherwise react to a threat or provocation (they just look at you, no noise or body language) are often the most dangerous.

I am an extremely peaceful/non-violent individual, but I walk alot. I frequently encounter people in public parks who illegally have their dogs off the leash. I used to "break stride" to allow them to leash up, but don't anymore. Occasionally, a lawless un-leasher will confront me for not "slowing down", etc. or saying something like "if you don't slow down, he(she)'s gonna bite you!"

I usually have my "Ahhnold" rap around sunglasses on, and find the best reaction is no reaction, simply stare at them (they can't read my eyes), lock jawed and expressionless, saying nothing and not breaking stride.
Both the owner and the dog back down and change their tune fast. NOTHING I have done behavior wise before enacting this method has been as effective.
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Old 01-17-2019, 09:19 PM
 
Location: SoCal
2,904 posts, read 2,164,562 times
Reputation: 2254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nor'Eastah View Post
Here's something else to consider - many quiet, introverted people are very intelligent. They can be a bit of a nerd. They're often introspective. Sometimes shy or a bit awkward. These can be signs of high intelligence. Many people are put off by brainy individuals. Brains are something that can be very intimidating, and some don't know how to deal with that. They become uncomfortable.
I've never felt this, however I have felt that when people say nothing they have contributed absolutely nothing. You might have good ideas, but if you say nothing who's going to know?

I thought the joke about peace was hilarious, and I also liked your self deprecating joke as well. ����
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Old 01-17-2019, 11:54 PM
 
Location: Troy, NY
529 posts, read 56,396 times
Reputation: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post
Here are a few questions I wanted to run by you guys:

1. When someone is quiet, do you think it makes people around him or her feel insecure? Are they wondering "Is this guy hatching a plot to kill us all?"

2. Do you think being in a group setting makes people more disposed toward "picking on" quiet people? I find that when it's just you and that one person, there's no audience to entertain and thus no validation to get from the jokes (e.g., no one else is there to laugh), so people are not as likely to do it.

3. What are some witty comebacks to have in mind when people pull this stunt? Is it best to resort to self-deprecating humor? ("I know I talked your ear off. Wear headphones next time.")
1. No, it puts them on guard. Is he/she with us, following along, etc.

2. No, it makes it easier to turn the tables on the "loud" person. For instances in teams with a "loud" people, I tend to let them talk themselves into trouble. I try to let them get it out of their system, so we can get to work on the project at hand. Often it leads to a big shake down, and all the "teams" get a laugh out of it.

3. One way to knock them down a few pegs is to "Vinnie Barbarino" them. Just throw out some one word questions.
Where?
When?
What?
Who?
Why?
How?

IE: Coworker: The product evaluations need to be returned by XXXXXX You: How?
Coworker: ehh, The product evaluations need to be returned by XXXXXX You: Who?
Coworker: The product evaluations. You: Where?

Mind you this is to throw them off guard. Once you get them settled down, you can get down to business.

I've had good results doing this since high school, college, work, etc YMMV




Quote:
Originally Posted by Nor'Eastah View Post
Here's something else to consider - many quiet, introverted people are very intelligent. They can be a bit of a nerd. They're often introspective. Sometimes shy or a bit awkward. These can be signs of high intelligence. Many people are put off by brainy individuals. Brains are something that can be very intimidating, and some don't know how to deal with that. They become uncomfortable.
When did we meet? lol
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Old 01-18-2019, 12:20 AM
 
947 posts, read 222,854 times
Reputation: 1930
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post
As an introvert, I like to listen to what's said, review my notes, and later voice any questions/comments. It's just my style. I don't ordinarily do it all on the fly.
You are off the mark on this. He doesn't know or understand a lot of things, and resisted opening his mouth about it because it would reveal how much he doesn't really know. Being quiet was his approach. It has nothing to do with introvert or extravert, or if he was actually applying an intelligent method. He was simply trying to stay out of the limelight and his approach for this was to say as little as possible. It is like a trapped animal that keeps quiet and still not to attract attention.
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Old 01-18-2019, 03:14 AM
 
3,286 posts, read 911,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
From the exchange that you posted, you felt picked on? I don't get it.
I feel the same way. I'll even take it a step further and say the guy was being friendly.
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:48 AM
 
Location: Boston, MA
8,125 posts, read 7,134,944 times
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People who talk all the time typically don't do much thinking. Don't take their opinions seriously.
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Old 01-18-2019, 08:08 AM
 
659 posts, read 1,636,636 times
Reputation: 979
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmith12 View Post

1. When someone is quiet, do you think it makes people around him or her feel insecure? Are they wondering "Is this guy hatching a plot to kill us all?"

2. Do you think being in a group setting makes people more disposed toward "picking on" quiet people? I find that when it's just you and that one person, there's no audience to entertain and thus no validation to get from the jokes (e.g., no one else is there to laugh), so people are not as likely to do itGeneral Forums.

3. What are some witty comebacks to have in mind when people pull this stunt? Is it best to resort to self-deprecating humor? ("I know I talked your ear off. Wear headphones next time.")

1. I find that the loudest are the most insecure, and a nice clapback to the "you're so QUIET" routine usually makes it worse because you've struck their bigmouthed, attention-starved nerve.... but it feels soooo good. I don't think they're *thinking* that deeply about it. If they aren't the focus of the meeting, they want to be or naturally have to be the focus of something...so then they scan for targets.

2. Absolutely! Never fails; the larger the group, the more space there is for 2 or more loudmouth [extroverts] showboaters to be jockeying for who can make fun of the quiet one harder/ faster/ snarkier... IME, sometimes they team up. That's a HOOT.

3. Have to gauge the situation. Sometimes deprecating humor takes the wind from the loudmouth's sails; other times it gives them ammo and they keep drilling. Depends on the loudmouth. My standard response to this constant poking about being quiet is, "I leave the noise-making to the experts...[WINK]"
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Old 01-18-2019, 08:20 AM
 
Location: Central New Jersey
2,162 posts, read 758,520 times
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Missing something here. OP felt picked on by what was posted?
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Old 01-18-2019, 08:27 AM
 
659 posts, read 1,636,636 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Debsi View Post
I don't agree - everybody hates the jackass who talks too much and won't let anybody else get a word in edgewise. The one making fun of the quiet one is probably that clueless jackass, actually.
When writing my last post I was thinking of exactly that clueless jackass...there's always one!

Owner of business doing a presentation, clueless asks an odd, irrelevant or off color question to redirect the attention of the room. Gets a superficial ha-ha from the presenter (owner) and a low chuckle from the room.

Owner/presenter continues with presentation and another outburst of unrelated questions/commentary from the overly talkative one, this time possibly supported by a minion of sorts which eggs him on. When that doesn't get the desired chuckle the 2nd time, then it's time to choose a target to restart the attention redirect...the QUIET ONE (whomever that might be at that particular company) - bingo!

This scenario has played at every single job I've had.

The loudmouth was always a 'salesman'.
The quiet one has been an admin, receptionist, an engineer or a factory worker.


Draw your own conclusions...
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