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Old 01-17-2019, 02:51 PM
 
2,246 posts, read 540,674 times
Reputation: 1809

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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatUneed View Post
They start off giving you attention, but some of them just suddenly stop texting you or asking you out.

I know that one of the reasons for this is giving them a lot of privileges too quickly which makes you seem easy and uninteresting. Another reason is not giving them enough attention/affection.

It's just something I kinda understand but at the same time don't understand about men and I was hoping someone could clear it up for me. Like, what kind of thought process makes them forget a girl entirely?

The latest example in my life was this one boy I met in October. I took the initiative to add him on Facebook, but the rest of the initiative came from him. He asked me to hang out about 4-5 times since and we did, but nothing romantic ever really happened. I definitely felt some flirty undertones every single time we went out, but he felt too shy to let it go any further than a few simple compliments like "you're so cute" and such (he's texted these compliments to me as well). He was clearly having a lot of fun with me. He kept commenting on how weird and crazy I am (and clarifying he means it in a good way every single time) and it left me with the impression that he's not used to someone as energetic and active as me, which makes me seem very interesting in his eyes. He also thinks I'm intelligent. As for the conversations we have, I try to keep both online and irl convos funny and interesting. I think the only serious conversation we've had was when we were texting and he shifted the theme to talking about exes, told me about his, asked for my opinion on it, asked me about mine, etc.

Last time he texted me, he asked me out again, but he cancelled the day before we went out, told me he's sick and can't go out, this was in early December. Since then, he congratulated me in mid December about some Orthodox Christian holiday and that's about it. Haven't heard from him after that.

PS, no I have never texted him first. Not that I think it's wrong for a girl to text first, but it's just how I am with everyone, only exclusion is my fam.
He's a player. Guys who compliment a woman like this are players.
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Old 01-17-2019, 03:22 PM
 
24 posts, read 2,611 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
That, and perhaps he felt the OP wasn't making enough of an effort.
I feel like I was putting in as much effort as he was, playing along and I kept myself interesting.
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Old 01-17-2019, 03:27 PM
 
24 posts, read 2,611 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by urbex View Post
This is far from being a "guy thing". I've had several interactions with women over the years where they do the exact same thing.

I always racked it up to people wanting to avoid conflict at all costs, and few people having the ability to effectively communicate. They assume that merely mentioning an issue will make the other person upset, and feel that just disappearing is the easy way out.

On the other hand, my most recent...well, I suppose chase isn't a horrible way of describing it, lol...I was the one that disappeared. Much like ellybelly83 mentioned, it felt like a 1 sided relationship, and I felt like she wasn't interested based on her behavior. So I stopped calling and visiting. I wouldn't want a forced relationship anyways....
Idk I was responding positively to everything he said or suggested. I just didn't want him to brave up enough to directly flirt with me just yet.
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Old 01-17-2019, 04:30 PM
 
2,010 posts, read 474,468 times
Reputation: 2301
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatUneed View Post
They start off giving you attention, but some of them just suddenly stop texting you or asking you out.

I know that one of the reasons for this is giving them a lot of privileges too quickly which makes you seem easy and uninteresting. Another reason is not giving them enough attention/affection.

It's just something I kinda understand but at the same time don't understand about men and I was hoping someone could clear it up for me. Like, what kind of thought process makes them forget a girl entirely?

The latest example in my life was this one boy I met in October. I took the initiative to add him on Facebook, but the rest of the initiative came from him. He asked me to hang out about 4-5 times since and we did, but nothing romantic ever really happened. I definitely felt some flirty undertones every single time we went out, but he felt too shy to let it go any further than a few simple compliments like "you're so cute" and such (he's texted these compliments to me as well). He was clearly having a lot of fun with me. He kept commenting on how weird and crazy I am (and clarifying he means it in a good way every single time) and it left me with the impression that he's not used to someone as energetic and active as me, which makes me seem very interesting in his eyes. He also thinks I'm intelligent. As for the conversations we have, I try to keep both online and irl convos funny and interesting. I think the only serious conversation we've had was when we were texting and he shifted the theme to talking about exes, told me about his, asked for my opinion on it, asked me about mine, etc.

Last time he texted me, he asked me out again, but he cancelled the day before we went out, told me he's sick and can't go out, this was in early December. Since then, he congratulated me in mid December about some Orthodox Christian holiday and that's about it. Haven't heard from him after that.

PS, no I have never texted him first. Not that I think it's wrong for a girl to text first, but it's just how I am with everyone, only exclusion is my fam.
Stop trying to restrain yourself and pace out your interactions like a timed fine dining experience. Jump in! Text each other as much as you want. Sometimes if someone is only remotely interested, they've got other irons in the fire (and some deeper issues) and they want to see if they've still "got it". If they're still relevant with singles. Self-esteem / reassurance with no intent to follow up.
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Old 01-17-2019, 04:52 PM
 
825 posts, read 311,226 times
Reputation: 972
If you are meeting people primarily online (can't tell from post - just saw FB and texts mentioned) beware the "serial dater". This type, both male and female is rampant online. They are always looking for their next fix to build their ego. They act interested and pursue for the challenge. Once that interest is reciprocated they will soon lose interest and disappear.

I have a male friend like that. He didn't even realize he was doing it until I confronted him. It's almost like ADD but with dating. There is no person who will keep his interest for long.
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Old 01-17-2019, 05:05 PM
 
2,551 posts, read 3,132,140 times
Reputation: 4964
Sometimes you just aren't compatible and he discovers he just isn't interested in you and that works both ways. When it comes to younger guys say under the age of 25 or so, it can be all about the booty calls. If you aren't giving it up and he has others offering it up, guess who he is going to go see. Unfortunately, that is the blunt truth of the matter when it comes to younger guys. Heck, it is true for some that find themselves single up into their 40's and 50's. I know of some. lol
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Old 01-17-2019, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
1,067 posts, read 1,161,621 times
Reputation: 941
Quote:
Originally Posted by motownnative View Post
If you are meeting people primarily online (can't tell from post - just saw FB and texts mentioned) beware the "serial dater". This type, both male and female is rampant online. They are always looking for their next fix to build their ego. They act interested and pursue for the challenge. Once that interest is reciprocated they will soon lose interest and disappear.

I have a male friend like that. He didn't even realize he was doing it until I confronted him. It's almost like ADD but with dating. There is no person who will keep his interest for long.

I know at least one woman who did this, and this predated social media and texting. She seemed to enjoy the chase, but once she caught who she was after, it was on to the next conquest. She apparently needed repeated validation of her ability to attract men, and no one held her interest for very long.
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Old 01-17-2019, 07:21 PM
 
38 posts, read 5,588 times
Reputation: 80
Men need encouragement, however little it might be. If you act diffident, most men will move on.
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Old 01-17-2019, 09:08 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
7,426 posts, read 5,506,686 times
Reputation: 10178
Girls do the same thing...

Its called "Ghosting." Just a fact of dating I suppose.
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Old 01-17-2019, 09:38 PM
 
Location: planet earth
3,707 posts, read 1,322,870 times
Reputation: 8176
To answer your question, OP: The REASON is biology, fickleness, and opportunism.

Next time be careful and make sure the guy is really into you. That's why the saying, "Take it slow" is a good one.
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