What kind of psychological problems would motivate someone to act like this? (counselor, parent)
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Situations change. People change. Genders change. Let's try to put prejudices about how certain genders are supposed to act and stick to the issues at hand.
How old are? Issue at hand is you might need to seek some counseling and get a place of your own.
Haven't read other responses, sorry, just the first post.
But, because of my family of origin it's as clear as day! Ha!
Someone, usually the mom, was a control freak, prob OCD or a narcissist or had NPD at the least.
And so your person had no control what so ever...might have also been neglected, ignored, her
thoughts or feelings didn't counted...Sooooo, now as an adult UNconsciously,
*By gosh she's going to have control now!* Oh yeah.
A lack of control (of her surroundings and even how you do things) sets her off...she
could actually feel cold sweats over her own need for control now.
How to deal? First, with kindness and patience...it is her problem, after all...and a scream for help.
Next time, with curiosity and innocence, (NO judgement or anger, see?)...say..."Helen, is this how your parents treated you?"
1. She will be surprised since NO one has ever talked to her like this
(Why? Because as a defense/ survival mode she instills fear in others so they will NEVER
overpower her as her parents did, see?
She is unconsciously manipulating them. This is the Bully Syndrome.
2. She will ponder ...."Why yes, yes they did." dah...
This will be a big revealing moment for her. Since she continues to be this way, there is no way she has had any successful, long therapy sessions.
Help her, (read up on it if you need to)...this is not about you, per se...you can never take it personally...but,
it is hard over and over...picture yourself as the clear person you really are,
be in your Higher Self...your angelic, kind, nurturing self.
Take care
Miss Hepburn, your interpretation of the situation is accurate and you've given me food for thought. My landlord/host was abused in the past by her ex husband and also had a strict controlling father. She said she got his genes and she too lacks patience. But it's more than that, as you've correctly concluded.
I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me but I was bullied in the past and rather than having a gf in high school and college, I stuck to myself and stood at the sidelines as an observer rather than a participant. I never went to parties, always skipped school dances...became a loner. Then I was introduced to a woman through work, we hit it off...she let me service her needs in various ways. After that I dated an older woman, didn't really work out. A few other short term relationships (just a few dates) and later on I was single for a long time. Then I saw a photo of my host on her profile with a partially open blouse and I thought, hmmm, she reminds me of my ex...and if she poses with a partially open top (not sleazy), then maybe I'll get lucky and see her in less than that if she gets hot. And boy oh boy did she ever deliver this past summer. She was a lot friendlier then too.
From the fall onwards things have been going downhill and I've been thinking of moving out for months. I've seen some other rooms but 1 or 2 things always made me pass. Example the parking was terrible where I'd have to move my car twice a day, or it was a basement suite with loud elephants above, or a house with multiple rooms and therefore long wait times for the bathroom, kitchen, etc.
Also to answer others' questions about why I don't just rent a studio / apartment and live alone - I could, but my financial situation is currently iffy with uncertainty at work and so short term rentals are preferred.
How old are? Issue at hand is you might need to seek some counseling and get a place of your own.
Over 30. And Ok I'll bite on the counseling/therapy suggestion since it keeps coming up. Which topics / thoughts do you folks suggest I discuss with a professional?
Over 30. And Ok I'll bite on the counseling/therapy suggestion since it keeps coming up. Which topics / thoughts do you folks suggest I discuss with a professional?
Last night she asked me to take a shower early so she could go to sleep "early". Surprisingly it was lights out at 12:15am. I was on my laptop until late..then at 1:50am I heard her go downstairs, bang around. What's the point of asking me to go to bed early if she's a night owl anyway?
This morning I ran into her in the kitchen at a time I normally still hear her snoring (9:30am). I said: how strange to see you up so early! I then asked her how she feels?. Her reply: not good. Then she walked away.
My landlord/host is out tonight. It's eerily quiet. She'll probably come back at midnight and make a racket (again). But this may surprise you but I contacted another host, this time an older couple, with me feeling zero attraction towards them when I saw their profile pic, and they have a room available at a lower rate. Only trouble is that it's a shared bathroom between 4 people (!), next to my bedroom, they are early birds (opposite of my current landlord/host) and there are kids there during the day. But if I were able to switch my sleep schedule from staying up late to getting up early and sleeping earlier, maybe I could make a good impression on my boss by showing up to work early for once.
Last night she asked me to take a shower early so she could go to sleep "early". Surprisingly it was lights out at 12:15am. I was on my laptop until late..then at 1:50am I heard her go downstairs, bang around. What's the point of asking me to go to bed early if she's a night owl anyway?
This morning I ran into her in the kitchen at a time I normally still hear her snoring (9:30am). I said: how strange to see you up so early! I then asked her how she feels?. Her reply: not good. Then she walked away.
My landlord/host is out tonight. It's eerily quiet. She'll probably come back at midnight and make a racket (again). But this may surprise you but I contacted another host, this time an older couple, with me feeling zero attraction towards them when I saw their profile pic, and they have a room available at a lower rate. Only trouble is that it's a shared bathroom between 4 people (!), next to my bedroom, they are early birds (opposite of my current landlord/host) and there are kids there during the day. But if I were able to switch my sleep schedule from staying up late to getting up early and sleeping earlier, maybe I could make a good impression on my boss by showing up to work early for once.
For clarity- So were a guy and now a woman? Because you keep changing depending on the post. It makes a difference in general
Anyway, maybe she got a drink of water? Who knows. Get a white noise machine & mind thy own business.
And judging living situations based on attractiveness????Really?
LOL. Another one who doesn't read threads before posting.
Why do you think it's your mission to "enlighten" everyone after they choose to only react to the first post? Is it such a stretch to believe someone would actually support my position and call out the woman out for her bad behavior?
I haven't seen her since I left for work this morning. I'm tired and want to go to bed early, I have to work, then work on job and room hunting tomorrow & again Sunday. We've discussed the need to go to bed on time many times before.
In fact just texted her and she said she'll be back around 12:00am...seriously? If she's back at 12, she'll likely bang around in the kitchen, wash her hair or feet with her bathroom and bedroom doors open and the noise might stop at 2am if I'm lucky. She's such an inconsiderate narcissist.
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Oh yeah.
