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When I asked about getting a tubal after our youngest daughter, I was told to bring my husband so we could all discuss it.
When I called to schedule the initial appt. (something women tend to do for everyone) for my husband to get a vasectomy he wanted, the receptionist tried to make me feel like a controlling madwoman. "Um, your HUSBAND has to make the appt. You can't just go around, arranging a VASECTOMY for someone else." I couldn't even make him an appointment for an initial consult to get a vasectomy, much less did anyone ask for my input.
This is in "progressive" NY!
This is the kind of thing people don’t think about when they try to argue there is no need anymore for feminism or political activism on behalf of women’s rights and equality. Yes, we can fight on the battlefield now, but still can’t make decisions about our own bodies.
No one wants to acknowledge this issue, but the stigma against single, childless people over 30 is real. Past 30, you're meant to have your Mod cut. together and be married with kids. If you're not, people see you as some sort of non adult and you end up losing friends when they get pregnant, as parents tend to only want to be friends with other parents and people change when they have kids. Dating becomes difficult too, because you're left with the people who are also not good enough to be part of society by following the plan. The childfree moment is a joke...these people are honestly just envious of parents like I am, but they won't admit it.
In your mind we are jealous. What a ridiculous notion.
I knew when I was 15 that I was not parent material. It turned out to the correct decision. And I'm not anti-family. I just didn't need to pass my genes on to the next generation.
In your mind we are jealous. What a ridiculous notion.
I knew when I was 15 that I was not parent material. It turned out to the correct decision. And I'm not anti-family. I just didn't need to pass my genes on to the next generation.
I know right? I rolled my eyes at that part the most. I didn't want kids; I don't even like kids. While I did end up having a couple of them (which was a HIGHLY questionable series of choices made when I was way too young to be committing to such things)...and I love my kids and I did my best and they're doing alright, I wasn't a cold or distant Mom or anything, it worked out fine... I am nevertheless 100% rock solid positive that had I never become pregnant and never had a child, I could have lived out my life without a single regret. In a parallel universe somewhere...
The notion that a woman's life just isn't complete until and unless she's been properly bred is frankly disgusting to me. I wanted to throw things at the screen during a certain Jurassic Park movie, I can tell you.
Its a sign of success. Its hard to pull off a nuclear family so doing it is its own sign that you are successful. I wouldn't say "normal" because their are plenty of normal people who don't rather than can't. And vice versa. But still, its like having a good job, it doesn't just happen it takes years of hard work for most people. I will say that from a man's perspective though. We are pressured to get a wife and support her and the kids. Pulling it off does feel rewarding so I suppose we are wired for this.
Well if I don’t know about it why would it bother me? I have a hard time believing anyone would say that to someone frankly. I don’t think the word is even used anymore by anyone under 50.
No one wants to acknowledge this issue, but the stigma against single, childless people over 30 is real. Past 30, you're meant to have your Mod cut. together and be married with kids. If you're not, people see you as some sort of non adult and you end up losing friends when they get pregnant, as parents tend to only want to be friends with other parents and people change when they have kids. Dating becomes difficult too, because you're left with the people who are also not good enough to be part of society by following the plan. The childfree moment is a joke...these people are honestly just envious of parents like I am, but they won't admit it.
Yeah. they are creepy. Don't want them around my kids.
The reality is people today are getting married and having kids much later. Average age for women to marry is 27 or 28. That is average. Meaning nearly half of women first marry older than that.
It is also becoming more and more common for people to have kids in their forties.
You lose your friends, because kids eclipse the rest of your life so you no longer have anything in common with single childless friends. I recently went out with a childless single friend of mine and he was trying to convince me we should go out to bars and try to pick up young women. He was talking about women the age of my daughters.
Dating does not have to be difficult if you open your mind to people who already have kids and are divorced. I know a lot of men and women in this situation they are awesome people. they just mad a bad initial choice or their spouse changed.
Well if I don’t know about it why would it bother me? I have a hard time believing anyone would say that to someone frankly. I don’t think the word is even used anymore by anyone under 50.
I'm not saying it should bother you.
I'm saying that yes, people do hold stereotypes about those who have never married, always lived alone, etc. Whether they are male or female. Whether or not those about whom the stereotypes are held are especially bothered by it isn't the point.
And, yeah, "cat lady" and the like are more likely to be in the vernacular today than "old maid" or "spinster." But while the verbiage changes as it always does, the sentiment really doesn't. Again, not saying you, or anybody should care. I certainly wouldn't (and didn't, when I was single and living alone well into adulthood). Just that developing particular stereotypes about people who are long-term single and living alone is far from an obsolete thing, as some have claimed.
You lose your friends, because kids eclipse the rest of your life so you no longer have anything in common with single childless friends. I recently went out with a childless single friend of mine and he was trying to convince me we should go out to bars and try to pick up young women. He was talking about women the age of my daughters.
This sounds more specific to your friend.
I am married and have two little kids. I still socialize with people who are unmarried and/or have no kids. My best friend is recently divorced from her husband of ten years and is not a parent. We continue to have the same things in common we always did. We became friends when we were both unmarried twentysomethings. The things we had in common then have not dried up and disappeared in the past 15-20 years because we've married, divorced, had children, not had children, etc.
I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....my best friends are not ....and it's been 43 years later...
they're still not free of their kids.
No envy from me and I feel no stigma from anyone....sometimes jealousy.
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