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Old 04-20-2019, 08:46 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
854 posts, read 515,935 times
Reputation: 1840

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Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
What I feel is not so much a stigma, but a kind of loneliness. Everywhere I go, I'm going to see alot of people who are married, married with kids, or having a significant other in their life. I'm going to be 33 very soon. I never had much luck with women at all. I'm not fat and ugly. Just someone who was never anyone's type. Being 5'5" can complicate things too (no, it isn't impossible, but it can play a role). I pretty much gave up. As it stands, I'm 32, never been married, no girlfriend, nothing. No kids either. I'm a perennial bachelor.

One thing that hurts when it comes to being a bachelor is watching my social life fade over the years. A majority of people that I knew back in college or high school are married, and/or have children. This is the thing. When it comes to weekends, I have all the time in the world to hang out. From Friday evening to Sunday evening, I have time. No kids to take care of. No wife or girlfriend. Just bachelor me. The thing is, alot of people I know don't have that kind of time. If it isn't dealing with kids, it's dealing with wife/husband (I made alot of female friends in college). Back in my college days, I could find time to hang with someone who had a boyfriend or girlfriend. As more and more people I knew got married and moved on, I was left with fewer people to hang out with.

I also think about who I seem to relate to these days. I've thought about the jobs I've had from my late 20s to now. It was easier to relate to fellow childless/bachelor persons(what few there were) and the older adults (age 40+) who had teenagers. I had a harder time reaching out to or relating to persons who were closer to my age if they had young kids. I don't have that many social interractions with people with little kids. And it's not because I don't want to. It's often because said persons can find other persons who are close to their age and have kids. They relate to fellow parents. I can talk about other things, besides kids. I do try to do that.

What I feel is this. I don't feel an out right stigma against the unmarried and childless. What I have felt is a sense of being alone. My social life is not what it used to be. I get jealous sometimes when I see couples in a bar, coffee shop, or somewhere alot of people gather.
Being a short guy isn't a deal breaker. Try being an ugly tall girl.

 
Old 04-20-2019, 10:00 AM
 
1,733 posts, read 1,193,898 times
Reputation: 9511
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Being a short guy isn't a deal breaker. Try being an ugly tall girl.
So green_mariner basically commiserates with you and you reward him by dumping on him and one-upping him – that somehow his issue and life experience isn't as valid as yours.

That's no way to find a way out of your unhappiness.
 
Old 04-20-2019, 10:23 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
854 posts, read 515,935 times
Reputation: 1840
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatzPaw View Post
So green_mariner basically commiserates with you and you reward him by dumping on him and one-upping him – that somehow his issue and life experience isn't as valid as yours.

That's no way to find a way out of your unhappiness.
No; I actually empathise with him. Just saying though. Life is cruel if you're different, especially when you pass 30 and watch everyone pass ypu by.
 
Old 04-20-2019, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Crook County, Hellinois
5,820 posts, read 3,823,821 times
Reputation: 8123
Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
What I feel is not so much a stigma, but a kind of loneliness. Everywhere I go, I'm going to see alot of people who are married, married with kids, or having a significant other in their life. I'm going to be 33 very soon. I never had much luck with women at all. I'm not fat and ugly. Just someone who was never anyone's type. Being 5'5" can complicate things too (no, it isn't impossible, but it can play a role). I pretty much gave up. As it stands, I'm 32, never been married, no girlfriend, nothing. No kids either. I'm a perennial bachelor.
I'm 35/male, same situation. I used to feel sorry for myself, until I saw my friends since high school settle down, or as I like to put it, "allow women to settle down with them". That's when their lives turned into a prison. They no longer go out anywhere, except with their wives, and even then, it's only for errands and to wife-approved wholesome outings, like a church service (happy Easter to whoever observes it, by the way) or a romantic dinner. They also started being snooty, dismissive, and inconsiderate to me, like coming an hour late to a birthday outing I organized last year. Which made me glad to be single, to the point of making sure no woman tries to get romantic with me. I also lost all traces of my sex drive, so lack of sex is absolutely not an issue.

Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
One thing that hurts when it comes to being a bachelor is watching my social life fade over the years. A majority of people that I knew back in college or high school are married, and/or have children. This is the thing. When it comes to weekends, I have all the time in the world to hang out. From Friday evening to Sunday evening, I have time. No kids to take care of. No wife or girlfriend. Just bachelor me. The thing is, alot of people I know don't have that kind of time. If it isn't dealing with kids, it's dealing with wife/husband (I made alot of female friends in college). Back in my college days, I could find time to hang with someone who had a boyfriend or girlfriend. As more and more people I knew got married and moved on, I was left with fewer people to hang out with.
My situation is actually the opposite. Today, I regularly hang out with more people that I did right after college or even during college. (I ended up losing touch with my college friends after a few years.) How? I joined Meetup groups. My groups have a wide variety of singles and couples, and neither of these demographics view themselves as better than the other. The only unifying factor is that most Meetup members are childfree (not the same as childless). I have a lot of fun in those groups, to the point of no longer missing my long-time friends. Granted, the Meetup people are more like acquaintances than friends (except a few I formed stronger social bonds with), but I'm very please to have an active social life and a full social calendar.

Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 04-20-2019 at 11:08 AM.. Reason: quote correction.
 
Old 04-20-2019, 11:55 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
8,447 posts, read 3,705,317 times
Reputation: 5685
Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
What I feel is not so much a stigma, but a kind of loneliness. Everywhere I go, I'm going to see alot of people who are married, married with kids, or having a significant other in their life. I'm going to be 33 very soon. I never had much luck with women at all. I'm not fat and ugly. Just someone who was never anyone's type. Being 5'5" can complicate things too (no, it isn't impossible, but it can play a role). I pretty much gave up. As it stands, I'm 32, never been married, no girlfriend, nothing. No kids either. I'm a perennial bachelor.

One thing that hurts when it comes to being a bachelor is watching my social life fade over the years. A majority of people that I knew back in college or high school are married, and/or have children. This is the thing. When it comes to weekends, I have all the time in the world to hang out. From Friday evening to Sunday evening, I have time. No kids to take care of. No wife or girlfriend. Just bachelor me. The thing is, alot of people I know don't have that kind of time. If it isn't dealing with kids, it's dealing with wife/husband (I made alot of female friends in college). Back in my college days, I could find time to hang with someone who had a boyfriend or girlfriend. As more and more people I knew got married and moved on, I was left with fewer people to hang out with.

I also think about who I seem to relate to these days. I've thought about the jobs I've had from my late 20s to now. It was easier to relate to fellow childless/bachelor persons(what few there were) and the older adults (age 40+) who had teenagers. I had a harder time reaching out to or relating to persons who were closer to my age if they had young kids. I don't have that many social interractions with people with little kids. And it's not because I don't want to. It's often because said persons can find other persons who are close to their age and have kids. They relate to fellow parents. I can talk about other things, besides kids. I do try to do that.

What I feel is this. I don't feel an out right stigma against the unmarried and childless. What I have felt is a sense of being alone. My social life is not what it used to be. I get jealous sometimes when I see couples in a bar, coffee shop, or somewhere alot of people gather.
I think you are putting too much emphasis on comparing yourself to other people and inside your own head i.e. referring to yourself as a ‘perennial bachelor’ at 32 in a negative way. Focus on building your social life - hobbies, activities, ways in which you can meet other people as well as your job or other things which interest you. If you find dating difficult, you might find it more natural to find women who share the same interests or who you meet in different settings other than specifically for ‘dating’ (childless or not). Even if you don’t, you’d feel a lot less ‘alone’ (or at least have less time on the weekends to view yourself in that way).

Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 04-20-2019 at 12:54 PM..
 
Old 04-21-2019, 12:59 PM
 
72,797 posts, read 62,114,553 times
Reputation: 21758
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Being a short guy isn't a deal breaker. Try being an ugly tall girl.
That is all you got out of my post?
 
Old 04-21-2019, 01:00 PM
 
72,797 posts, read 62,114,553 times
Reputation: 21758
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatzPaw View Post
So green_mariner basically commiserates with you and you reward him by dumping on him and one-upping him – that somehow his issue and life experience isn't as valid as yours.

That's no way to find a way out of your unhappiness.
In my case, I was talking about some of what I deal with. Height wasn't suppose to be the focus, just a footnote. I was speaking about how being single and childless can be a lonely road to walk.
 
Old 04-21-2019, 01:27 PM
 
72,797 posts, read 62,114,553 times
Reputation: 21758
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I'm 35/male, same situation. I used to feel sorry for myself, until I saw my friends since high school settle down, or as I like to put it, "allow women to settle down with them". That's when their lives turned into a prison. They no longer go out anywhere, except with their wives, and even then, it's only for errands and to wife-approved wholesome outings, like a church service (happy Easter to whoever observes it, by the way) or a romantic dinner. They also started being snooty, dismissive, and inconsiderate to me, like coming an hour late to a birthday outing I organized last year. Which made me glad to be single, to the point of making sure no woman tries to get romantic with me. I also lost all traces of my sex drive, so lack of sex is absolutely not an issue.
I don't know how many persons from you high school/college days feel like they are in a prison from marriage. I see photos of happy couples and people doing things. I do know a few people who are divorced, mostly females. Even recently divorced person have busy lives, mainly with their kids.

I haven't been romantic with any woman. Never found the woman that wanted to be with me. Is she did, I sure never knew it.

I did have a situation where several people flaked on me for a birthday party I set up. Of 30+ people I invited, maybe 3 showed up. That hurt alot. What hurt the worst was that hardly anyone has the consideration to say "I can't make it that day". Alot of people didn't even respond.

Quote:
My situation is actually the opposite. Today, I regularly hang out with more people that I did right after college or even during college. (I ended up losing touch with my college friends after a few years.) How? I joined Meetup groups. My groups have a wide variety of singles and couples, and neither of these demographics view themselves as better than the other. The only unifying factor is that most Meetup members are childfree (not the same as childless). I have a lot of fun in those groups, to the point of no longer missing my long-time friends. Granted, the Meetup people are more like acquaintances than friends (except a few I formed stronger social bonds with), but I'm very please to have an active social life and a full social calendar.
College represented the peak of my social life. I was sort of an outcast in high school. I rarely hung out with anyone outside of school or extracurricular activities. I never had many people around me that I could relate to. Even people who were nice to me, I wasn't hanging out with them after school. College was where my social life went up alot. More things to do, more people in one place around me. I did take some time off, and then went back. Even with many people I knew that moved on, I could still find a social life. I could find someone to hang out with. I did try a singles group on Meetup. To say the least, it didn't work out. I stood out. Normally I can talk to people older than me. In that case, there were alot of divorcees. I was the only one under 25 in the group and I had never had a romantic relationship. I found it easier to stick with fellow students.

Once I graduated from college, my social life tanked. I went back home. The majority of single persons around me were going nowhere with their lives. An old classmate got hooked on drugs and alcohol.

At this point, I just go to bars and coffee places, and wing it from there. I'm mainly a weekend person. Long commute makes a social life harder.
 
Old 04-21-2019, 04:07 PM
 
Location: NYC
20,550 posts, read 17,501,820 times
Reputation: 25616
I know one lady who is in her 40s and who was always as a proud single woman and never short of affection and privilege showered towards her by males. But now she's in her 40s and she's become some women's rights activist. I could never imagine her fighting for woman's rights. She was the most privilege woman that I know of throughout the years. Never had to work a full-time job for years and always had sugar daddys. Now she's a women's rights activist.
 
Old 04-21-2019, 05:01 PM
 
72,797 posts, read 62,114,553 times
Reputation: 21758
Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r View Post
I know one lady who is in her 40s and who was always as a proud single woman and never short of affection and privilege showered towards her by males. But now she's in her 40s and she's become some women's rights activist. I could never imagine her fighting for woman's rights. She was the most privilege woman that I know of throughout the years. Never had to work a full-time job for years and always had sugar daddys. Now she's a women's rights activist.
When I hear the term "sugar daddy", I think "what a (explicative) gold digger". I will NEVER be any's sugar daddy. Not going to do that at all. I have a hard time taking care of myself. I'm not taking care of someone else.

All that aside, this is my theory about that individual becoming a hard core feminist in her 40s. When she was younger she could wing it and get other men to pay for her. Now that she is in her 40s, she is having a harder time getting men to pay for her. Now she is seeing that she has to work her fair share. It's a combination of scorn and fear.
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