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Old 05-19-2019, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Tucson
173 posts, read 142,007 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
‘Let it go’ is simply a euphemism for ‘working through’ our issues. There’s no time limit - obviously, some things will take longer (or involve other things such as therapy or additional support) than others. The point is not to ‘wave it away’ - the point is to restore emotional balance for ourselves.



This has not been my experience. When someone tells another to "let it go," they generally mean "drop it NOW."
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Old 05-19-2019, 03:28 PM
 
6,178 posts, read 2,849,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Archaic View Post
This has not been my experience. When someone tells another to "let it go," they generally mean "drop it NOW."
Yes.

When releasing ..it's a letting go. When working thru we are holding on and pushing thru...

Get over it is the crass way to say...I don't want to hear it.

I had the most gut wrenching displeasure of listening to a widow of 7 months ...say to her sister in law who clearly is in grief for her brother.. say " ohh enough already! Get over it". I know them both and was agasp that the widow spoke this way. Then I realized ...she had lost her husband five years before his actual demise. She was just bidding her time for his final day. The sister though is "working thru" her grief and I can't imagine that double whammy she felt in that moment. Humiliation mixed with pure sorrow.
Now with that said....I need to get "over" thinking some folks are considerate.
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Old 05-19-2019, 04:57 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,526 posts, read 70,430,585 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
‘Let it go’ is simply a euphemism for ‘working through’ our issues. There’s no time limit - obviously, some things will take longer (or involve other things such as therapy or additional support) than others. The point is not to ‘wave it away’ - the point is to restore emotional balance for ourselves.
That's not how many people use it, though. They do mean to let go of it, stop dwelling on it, when in fact, the poor person they're remarking to may have deep trauma to resolve.
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Old 05-19-2019, 07:15 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,248 posts, read 501,610 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Archaic View Post
This has not been my experience. When someone tells another to "let it go," they generally mean "drop it NOW."
It certainly can be, but all issues and problems we face are (obviously) not equal. It stands to reason some things may take additional measures to ‘let go’.
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Old 05-19-2019, 07:47 PM
 
3,808 posts, read 1,755,770 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
It certainly can be, but all issues and problems we face are (obviously) not equal. It stands to reason some things may take additional measures to ‘let go’.
Broadly, I hear the phrase used when someone is dwelling on the unfairness of the speeding ticket they got last week, as well as when someone is effectively torturing himself trying to cope with having been abused as a child, and everything in between. With those extremes, the person with the ticket needs some perspective. It's the latter kind of situation I'm more interested in.

So for someone who is struggling with a genuinely difficult issue, like the abused person who has lost something irreplaceable, how do you let that injustice go? What is the process? How does it look?
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Old 05-19-2019, 11:00 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,248 posts, read 501,610 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
Broadly, I hear the phrase used when someone is dwelling on the unfairness of the speeding ticket they got last week, as well as when someone is effectively torturing himself trying to cope with having been abused as a child, and everything in between. With those extremes, the person with the ticket needs some perspective. It's the latter kind of situation I'm more interested in.

So for someone who is struggling with a genuinely difficult issue, like the abused person who has lost something irreplaceable, how do you let that injustice go? What is the process? How does it look?
As difficult (or long) as the process may be, eventually ‘letting go’ allows a person to restore some sense of emotional normalcy and balance. Sadly, it’s already happened - living in one’s head about it indefinitely will never change it (and ultimately make it worse), but getting away from the situation and/or seeing the abuser held accountable is a good first step, I would think, in the healing process. In addition, therapy/counseling/support groups/love from family and friends - whatever it takes. I don’t think ‘letting go’ means ‘forgetting’ or ‘forgiveness’, necessarily (I can’t imagine anyone ‘forgiving’ someone for abuse) - but rather, one has ‘accepted’ what happened and has made the choice to move forward (with the help previously stated). As a man, if harm/abuse came to someone I loved, I’d have a hard time ‘letting go’ (and sure wouldn’t forgive). That said, I’d also want to do what would support her the most to be ‘emotionally whole’ again.
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Old 05-20-2019, 05:49 AM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
9,800 posts, read 5,474,276 times
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I use the Bugs Bunny method.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM4lJKfu5Mg


"Oh, well!"


Alternately, Trevor Howard in "11 Harrowhouse"........"WELL, win some, lose some!".
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Old 05-20-2019, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,651 posts, read 36,106,549 times
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"Letting something go" is not always easy but WOW, the emotional freedom one feels can be exhilarating.

I've had some really difficult, sad, and even awful things happen to me (along with some really fantastic and edifying things) over my lifetime, including in my formative years as a child. You know what - I refuse to be categorized as a victim, by others, or by myself. That is not who I am. These events have played a part in who I am today, but they do not define who I am.

I rarely hear anyone say "let it go" about serious issues, but I guess that could happen. But I do have a friend who carries EVERYTHING from her past around with her. And I mean EVERYTHING. She is constantly struggling with forgiving herself or someone else. Wow, talk about a tortured soul. Honestly, she DOES need to "let it go" but when I think that (I would never say it to her or about her to anyone who knew her), I don't mean it in a flippant way. I know it takes some serious introspection and ownership to do this - it takes work and some people can't or won't do that work because it can be painful. But to me, carrying a heavy load around all the time is more painful. Carrying deep hurt or resentment or anger or whatever around is exhausting and saps my emotional energy - it keeps me from experiencing all the daily joys and pleasantries, and it jades me and makes me a worse person, not a better person. It also tends to make me suspicious and judgmental.

I don't like being a victim so I choose not to be. I really encourage anyone who feels victimized to work through this and move past it. If someone wants to call that "letting it go," OK. I prefer to call it "reclaiming and regaining strength" in a positive way that is beneficial rather than destructive to oneself and others.

Personally though, I don't find the imagery of the phrase "let it go" to be offensive.
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:17 AM
 
3,808 posts, read 1,755,770 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
As difficult (or long) as the process may be, eventually ‘letting go’ allows a person to restore some sense of emotional normalcy and balance. Sadly, it’s already happened - living in one’s head about it indefinitely will never change it (and ultimately make it worse), but getting away from the situation and/or seeing the abuser held accountable is a good first step, I would think, in the healing process. In addition, therapy/counseling/support groups/love from family and friends - whatever it takes. I don’t think ‘letting go’ means ‘forgetting’ or ‘forgiveness’, necessarily (I can’t imagine anyone ‘forgiving’ someone for abuse) - but rather, one has ‘accepted’ what happened and has made the choice to move forward (with the help previously stated). As a man, if harm/abuse came to someone I loved, I’d have a hard time ‘letting go’ (and sure wouldn’t forgive). That said, I’d also want to do what would support her the most to be ‘emotionally whole’ again.
This is a thoughtful response, and I appreciate it. It doesn't quite answer my question, but then again it does. I think I'm realizing that I'm asking for something I can't really have. Not because I'm deprived or something, but because the core question is the wrong question, or it's a question that can't be answered because the answer is dependent on too many variables. I'm asking for directions to a place called "healed", and for a description of what I'll see along the route so that I know I'm headed in the right direction, but it doesn't work that way. Got to find my own path, and all that.
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Old 05-21-2019, 08:43 AM
 
7,374 posts, read 2,917,987 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
This is a thoughtful response, and I appreciate it. It doesn't quite answer my question, but then again it does. I think I'm realizing that I'm asking for something I can't really have. Not because I'm deprived or something, but because the core question is the wrong question, or it's a question that can't be answered because the answer is dependent on too many variables. I'm asking for directions to a place called "healed", and for a description of what I'll see along the route so that I know I'm headed in the right direction, but it doesn't work that way. Got to find my own path, and all that.
I don’t actively try to block it out, but “time does heal all” in a sense that I would have to be triggered to remember, and then make a decision to continue down that thought path. As the years go by this process of remembering no longer comes naturally or frequently, there would have to be a willful attachment of feelings, exploration of new feelings, and now almost happily apathetic feelings to ‘it’. If I choose to continue once remembering, or just let it pass, neither ruins my day or minute anymore, and both “work”. My suggested thought is to explore what “your body is but a vessel” could mean to help you with that process of letting go.
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