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I agree. I feel it is just childish actually. Why the need? Why???
Sure, it's childish behavior. He wants attention. He wants his boo-boo to be kissed. He wants to be asked if it's all better now. I used to get annoyed about this with my own spouse until I realized that as small boys, that's one way they get loving care from their mother.
Actual conversation:
Me: Honey, my knee is really painful today. I don't think I'll be able to walk very far.
Him: But I've got a hangnail.
It was all I could do to keep from busting a gut laughing.
Now I humor him when he does it, which is becoming less often. I look at his boo-boos, tell him what they are ("Honey, that's a blood blister. Not melanoma.") and he seems satisfied.
I think that perhaps he is neither narcissistic nor hypochondriac, but there might be something else going on. This is because my husband does the same thing, although to a much less degree than the OP, and he is the most considerate and loving husband imaginable 99% of the time.
It is just that whenever I have a headache, he says he has one, too; and whenever I come down with a sore throat, he says he feels like he is coming down with one, too; and whenever I actually do get ill (VERY rarely, knock wood), he becomes sick, too, within the next week.
I think that perhaps he is neither narcissistic nor hypochondriac, but there might be something else going on. This is because my husband does the same thing, although to a much less degree than the OP, and he is the most considerate and loving husband imaginable 99% of the time.
It is just that whenever I have a headache, he says he has one, too; and whenever I come down with a sore throat, he says he feels like he is coming down with one, too; and whenever I actually do get ill (VERY rarely, knock wood), he becomes sick, too, within the next week.
Maybe it is more a case of extreme empathy?
Or, you're contagious and he catches the bug you have. Sore throats, getting sick, etc. Those are infectious.
Arthritis and needing hips replaced aren't.
Also, you don't need to diagnose people with things to have a valid problem. You still need to ask yourself if such treatment is acceptable to you. That someone has trauma - as many of us do - or an illness is a reason for all kinds of terrible behavior. But is.it.acceptable.to.you?
Sure, it's childish behavior. He wants attention. He wants his boo-boo to be kissed. He wants to be asked if it's all better now. I used to get annoyed about this with my own spouse until I realized that as small boys, that's one way they get loving care from their mother.
Actual conversation:
Me: Honey, my knee is really painful today. I don't think I'll be able to walk very far.
Him: But I've got a hangnail.
It was all I could do to keep from busting a gut laughing.
Now I humor him when he does it, which is becoming less often. I look at his boo-boos, tell him what they are ("Honey, that's a blood blister. Not melanoma.") and he seems satisfied.
That is hilarious. Reminds me of one I read once, maybe even on CD, where the woman said she was in labor and her husband was holding her hand. She had a strong contraction, and when it was over, he asked if she could be a little more careful because she was hurting his hand.
I am putting this here under psychology because I do feel it has something to do with the way someone thinks.
My husband is a chronic complainer. He has a headache or a sore throat or his back hurts or his toe...it is always something. If by chance I happen to say "Man, I have a horrible headache" his response will be "Oh, well I have had a bad headache for the past 3 days." If my knee hurts, sure enough, his knee really hurts (even the same knee as mine).
What gets me though is this. I have had bad hip pain for the last 3 or more months. After I have been through x-rays and hip injections and an MRI my doctor told me my hip is all messed up and he recommends having a total hip replacement. Would you believe, yes, now he has chronic hip pain just like me ever since I got this diagnosis.
Why does he always have to one-up me with him having something worse than me? I rarely complain for this exact reason, I usually keep anything that hurts or is an issue to myself to avoid this, but this is ridiculous!
What causes a grown man to feel the need to do this? I have even sat down and had a talk with him before when he did this with another situation and told him he was not being considerate or compassionate by making it always about HIM. Did no good as you can see.
Help!!!
No offense...but your husband is an insensitive, insecure, and selfish baby. It’s all about him isn’t it?
No way he’s likely to change at this stage of the game, so I’m sorry to say it looks like you’re stuck with this loser.
Darling my Female cramps are really bothering me...this ovulating is just too much!
Let him one up that .
Darling my mammogram came back ...here are the results.
Let him one up that .
Darling do you have hemorrhoids? I have this swelling down there whenever I hear you one up me....Wonder what to do?
Let him one up that .
TBF, I've caught myself after my foot was sliding down my throat where someone made a comment that I inadvertently one up'd. I felt horrible afterwards...she had commented on the vocals of a certain singer...and instead of simply letting her voice that opinion I immediately said...well at least she doesn't sound like xyz. Totally uncalled for ...
It's unconscious on your husband's part. He is probably seeking attention.
Sounds like he may be a hypochondriac - it's not personal with you - he would do it with anyone - it's an anxiety thing.
But why do both of you want to be sick? It's weird.
I don't understand. Nowhere in my original post does it state that I want to be sick. He is the one who wants to have the WORST problem. Please re-read my post.
I have experienced something similar with my husband -- not so much the competitive thing but the need to tell people about his health problems. I believe it's a learned family thing as my family was stoic. I never knew of my dad's illness until he was end stage. His family, on the other hand, discusses every ache and pain, blood pressure levels, sugar levels, any skin discoloration, etc. and he has become his father in the last several years.
As you indicated, my husband is a very kind and considerate person but, apparently, enjoys the attention of getting sympathy concerning health issues. Don't have an answer for it; just something I have learned to live with.
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