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Old 04-24-2019, 01:07 AM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
11,119 posts, read 5,562,262 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
The only time one doesn't have some sort of mask on is when they're alone.

Sometimes we spend more effort in fooling ourselves, than we do with other people.
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Old 04-24-2019, 05:51 AM
 
Location: North West Arkansas (zone 6b)
2,776 posts, read 3,231,442 times
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my daughter has always had trouble being herself around anyone except our family. I had a sense of relief when I saw her be herself with her new boyfriend, I guess I'm relieved because she can be herself with someone other than family and doesn't have to come home to let herself out.
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Old 04-24-2019, 02:29 PM
 
2,209 posts, read 2,306,701 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
And yet Brando was his authentic self
No, I don't believe Brando purported to be any more real than anyone else. He simply highlighted how ALL people use acting skills in order to get by in life. This topic arose in the video in response to Dick Cavett commenting on Brando's superb acting ability and stating that not many people could do what Brando did for a living -- to act and act superbly. Brando was dismissive of the so-called skills of acting and basically said that every living person is an actor -- not necessarily acting in front of a camera or up on an actual stage, but acting nonetheless in various social situations.

Brando never claimed to be any more real or authentic than anyone else. He was actually very candid here, highlighting how scripted our human lives really are on a day-to-day basis.

Last edited by AnthonyJ34; 04-24-2019 at 02:32 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 04-24-2019, 03:40 PM
 
6,282 posts, read 4,166,669 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34 View Post
No, I don't believe Brando purported to be any more real than anyone else. He simply highlighted how ALL people use acting skills in order to get by in life. This topic arose in the video in response to Dick Cavett commenting on Brando's superb acting ability and stating that not many people could do what Brando did for a living -- to act and act superbly. Brando was dismissive of the so-called skills of acting and basically said that every living person is an actor -- not necessarily acting in front of a camera or up on an actual stage, but acting nonetheless in various social situations.

Brando never claimed to be any more real or authentic than anyone else. He was actually very candid here, highlighting how scripted our human lives really are on a day-to-day basis.
I guess you didn’t notice my wink emoji
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Old 04-24-2019, 03:44 PM
 
1,156 posts, read 935,266 times
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We are who we are, that includes presenting ourselves differently is different situations etc. Some people do it smoothly and imperceptibly and some don't. You can be a phony, but that is still part of your true self.
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Old 04-24-2019, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 25,041,229 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34 View Post
I don’t know if it’s because of my extreme introversion as well as sensitivity to the environment or not, but I often feel that most people are pretty much just “acting” and wearing a variety of social costumes in various social situations and often not showing or expressing their core or more “real” selves. Do you think this is true more often than not? And if so, do you think it’s wrong or bad in any way?

Personally, I feel phony in almost all social situations because I feel as if I am always wearing some type of social mask or filter that hides a large part of what I’m feeling or thinking or even desiring in various settings. And this is troubling to me.
I think many of us do wear masks, but these are often based on our personalities. My “social mask” is not the same as yours.

The social mask should make you more comfortable, not less. Find social situations that you can be comfortable in. Sometimes familiarity makes them easier, although not always.
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Old 04-24-2019, 05:57 PM
 
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We are all complex creatures with many sides. I talk to my sister differently than the 2 older ladies upstairs from me as do I with the older, gay men at my local watering hole. I think thats called being adaptable. At the core its still me - just a different variation. And if you have a dog, some of us do that doggy talk that would have our friends rolling their eyes.
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Old 04-24-2019, 10:03 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
6,713 posts, read 4,144,694 times
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When you reconcile your self, your desires and needs etc. with what is socially accepted and expexted, it may feel like a mask because you are not saying or doing what you really want to say or do..but it could be argued that this is actually a major part of becoming who you really are. Your social personality is just as big a part of you as your inner self.

Social interaction changes us. The “role” you play at work affects you and adjusts your thinking just like your inner voice affects the way you play that role. It cant be seen in isolation from each other. Even with sociopaths their fake persona will be in a relationship to their real persona and not every sociopath will be able to fake it the same way.
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Old 04-24-2019, 10:50 PM
 
Location: Gilbert, Arizona
357 posts, read 220,865 times
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I expect for everyone to have a "social" mask on when I interact with them. What I call phony or fake for myself anyway is when I am in a social situation and they start to talk about something that I believe is wrong and would never partake in BUT go along with it because of the rest of the group is. So I guess it is like a rule I set for myself not to do this in any social situation and other than that like to consider myself to be true to myself and anyone else I am interacting with regardless of the mask I am wearing.
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Old 05-14-2019, 11:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
I’m a social “morpher”; I can transition easily from one social group to the other easily & most of my communication is scripted. It’s not because I’m trying to deceive but due to social anxiety from ASD. I have developed a pretty good sense of what you need to see from me in order for you to engage with me, depending on who you are.

Be you a transient or a 1%er, a Doctor, a biker, a feminist, a student, a grandmother, liberal, conservative, uptight, laid-back, etc ...

It used to trouble me too but I’ve spent my whole life on the outside looking in, this is just how I have adapted to a world I was not made for & I pose a threat to absolutely no one.
Does it bother you to follow a script in social settings rather than simply let your organic thoughts/interests/ideas lead your conversation? I wonder how many people are doing the same thing in various social settings -- following scripts? I suppose it's normal to do and expected, and I do it as well. I know a large part of social situations revolve around each participant following various "scripts" or "social rituals" that are expected and/or which fit the particular scenario, so it makes sense that many people are likely just following the rules and saying what they are expected to say.

You say you have ASD? Do you feel like you are lying when you are socializing, because of all the "script-following" and superficiality that is common in the NT world? As far as I know, I am an NT, but I suspect I may have some ASD/Autistic leanings because of how sensitive to and aware of how often I feel as if I have to "lie" and/or "deceive" in order to function well socially. In my case, it's not that I don't know how to socialize or what to say or how to act in social settings -- I know how to do all of that; I know how to read social cues and how to give off social cues, etc.; my issue is that I am overly aware of and sensitive to how "phony" and superficial so much of our social behaviors appear to be. I actually feel conflicted and bothered internally whenever I act in ways that feel inauthentic or phony, which is much of the time. It's a cognitive dissonance.

I do recognize, however, that we all have to follow codes of good manners and polite society, so it shouldn't be a big deal to me to simply play along and do what is necessary. By acting appropriately we are simply obeying the rules and being mindful of others -- and I definitely get that. But I think a big sticking point to me is the realization that speaking or acting on the truth (at least our truth -- our feelings/desires/beliefs) will often get us into trouble; that we all basically have to not always be truthful in order to be polite or appropriate -- and for some reasons that is a sticking point. We all lie, obviously, at least according to most social psychologists and ethicists who study lying, and humans are wired evolutionarily to be deceptive, so it shouldn't be a shock that deception is a tool that we humans use in our day-to-day lives to grease social interaction and to foster goodwill.

Basically it's a conflict between "being truthful" and "following social conventions." Being truthful and being polite are often at odds. It's often times not possible to be both polite and respectful while being truthful and transparent.
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