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Old 04-21-2019, 11:55 AM
 
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I don’t know if it’s because of my extreme introversion as well as sensitivity to the environment or not, but I often feel that most people are pretty much just “acting” and wearing a variety of social costumes in various social situations and often not showing or expressing their core or more “real” selves. Do you think this is true more often than not? And if so, do you think it’s wrong or bad in any way?

Personally, I feel phony in almost all social situations because I feel as if I am always wearing some type of social mask or filter that hides a large part of what I’m feeling or thinking or even desiring in various settings. And this is troubling to me.
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Old 04-21-2019, 12:50 PM
 
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Do you find yourself hanging out with people you don't like or respect?
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Old 04-21-2019, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
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Good question.

I have so many alternate personalities, who I become for this situation or that, that I wonder if there is a real Tamara somewhere, does she really exist?

For example, when I teach, I am like Prince Vultan, as played by Brian Blessed, of Flash Gordon. An explosion of energy to inspire, motivate, help my students along.

In the office, I'm the office cheerleader, I'm Racquel, being coy, a flirt, a tease, doing 30 sec skits with a total straight face. Sort of like, "You have already met the snow garrison special demolitions squad under Commander Croft.".......when we are doing a briefing about replacing a power supply somewhere.

"Activate Agent ........." to be who I want in times when I want.

Cowgirl mentality overlays, witch of the forest, or as a professional actor once told me, "Tamara, I can never tell when you are acting and when you are not.".

Now, a thing or two about acting and my world as a writer. As a writer, I strive to accomplish two things that my characters are not reflections of each other and that they are not reflections of me. Secondly, one of my classmates once observed, "She writes......can you imagine how many personalities are in her head, ready to go?".

BASICALLY, I delve into this personality or that to achieve a moment of pleasure or purpose and then shift out again.
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Old 04-21-2019, 01:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
Do you find yourself hanging out with people you don't like or respect?
Good question. I don’t think that is the case. It’s more like an awareness of myself playing a variety of roles, roles which I feel are necessary or expected of me in different settings. And this is regardless of the people with whom I am interacting, whether it be close friends, family, acquaintances, or strangers.

I do realize, however, that social convention and polite society demand that we alter and adjust our social selves in response to changing social dynamics/demands, so we are all basically required to “act appropriately” in order to function normally. But for some reason this process of adjusting or modifying ourselves seems overly fake and contrived to me, like we are all a bunch of social con artists trying to polish our public selves in order to make ourselves appear better than we actually are — or something along those lines. The main issue or sticking point with me centers on this “phoniness” factor — how much of what we show publicly likely doesn’t align with what we feel or think privately.

This is about as clear as I can describe my issue. I hope it makes sense. And this is troubling because it has caused me to become much more hesitant and anxious in social settings. I find it hard to genuinely enjoy socializing because I feel that so much of what we do while socializing with others is fake and not genuine.
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Old 04-22-2019, 04:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34 View Post
Good question. I don’t think that is the case. It’s more like an awareness of myself playing a variety of roles, roles which I feel are necessary or expected of me in different settings. And this is regardless of the people with whom I am interacting, whether it be close friends, family, acquaintances, or strangers.

I do realize, however, that social convention and polite society demand that we alter and adjust our social selves in response to changing social dynamics/demands, so we are all basically required to “act appropriately” in order to function normally. But for some reason this process of adjusting or modifying ourselves seems overly fake and contrived to me, like we are all a bunch of social con artists trying to polish our public selves in order to make ourselves appear better than we actually are — or something along those lines. The main issue or sticking point with me centers on this “phoniness” factor — how much of what we show publicly likely doesn’t align with what we feel or think privately.

This is about as clear as I can describe my issue. I hope it makes sense. And this is troubling because it has caused me to become much more hesitant and anxious in social settings. I find it hard to genuinely enjoy socializing because I feel that so much of what we do while socializing with others is fake and not genuine.
Phoniness arises when there is unresolved conflict or when expectations are not met.
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Old 04-22-2019, 04:43 AM
 
Location: North Beach, MD on the Chesapeake
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The only time one doesn't have some sort of mask on is when they're alone.
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Old 04-22-2019, 05:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
The only time one doesn't have some sort of mask on is when they're alone.
That is true, but the OP mentioned, phoniness. I don't consider wearing masks phoniness only because I do it as well. I see them more as strategies, I guess.
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Old 04-22-2019, 05:49 AM
 
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It only matters if you're an alpha-hotel at heart.

If you're a decent person, then being a decent person in public isn't a mask.
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Old 04-22-2019, 09:32 AM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
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Depends on how much you are truly in touch with your feelings...
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Old 04-22-2019, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Canada
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Even with my closest friends, I am on guard with what I say. I am at ease with them, but I would never want to say the wrong thing.

BTW, I was horrified with myself the night we did Karaoke at a cottage with a group of friends and some of their daughters.

One of my friend's daughters sang a song. It was a very BAD combination of her being so off key it hurt my ears, and the fact that I was drunk. I couldn't stop giggling, although I knew how rude I was, giggling at this poor girl.
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