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I'm very independent and kind of a loner, and spent a lot of my life single, and the thought of getting married scares me. I am so scared of going through a divorce or feeling stuck in an unhappy marriage. I can't imagine things changing and then having to come home every day to a bad situation. I love having my own space and independence. Here are the reasons marriage scares me.
1. I'm afraid something will change. She will change, I will change, kids will change things, and it will fall apart for reasons outside our control. Then I would either be unhappy, or just happy enough to stay in it, but without my freedom and having to face the person everyday.
2. I will get a lot of hate for this, but I also fear physical attraction will go away. She will get older and put on more weight, and I would lose attraction. Then what? Although its not like I will be able to date girls in their 20's and 30's forever and everyone ages. But its still a fear of mine.
I'm very independent and kind of a loner, and spent a lot of my life single, and the thought of getting married scares me. I am so scared of going through a divorce or feeling stuck in an unhappy marriage. I can't imagine things changing and then having to come home every day to a bad situation. I love having my own space and independence. Here are the reasons marriage scares me.
1. I'm afraid something will change. She will change, I will change, kids will change things, and it will fall apart for reasons outside our control. Then I would either be unhappy, or just happy enough to stay in it, but without my freedom and having to face the person everyday.
2. I will get a lot of hate for this, but I also fear physical attraction will go away. She will get older and put on more weight, and I would lose attraction. Then what? Although its not like I will be able to date girls in their 20's and 30's forever and everyone ages. But its still a fear of mine.
Can anyone relate?
I can relate to your fears, but I try to analyze the fears and determine if they are rational.
In your case I think you’re smart to listen to your gut.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Berteau
I'm very independent and kind of a loner, and spent a lot of my life single, and the thought of getting married scares me. I am so scared of going through a divorce or feeling stuck in an unhappy marriage. I can't imagine things changing and then having to come home every day to a bad situation. I love having my own space and independence. Here are the reasons marriage scares me.
1. I'm afraid something will change. She will change, I will change, kids will change things, and it will fall apart for reasons outside our control. Then I would either be unhappy, or just happy enough to stay in it, but without my freedom and having to face the person everyday.
2. I will get a lot of hate for this, but I also fear physical attraction will go away. She will get older and put on more weight, and I would lose attraction. Then what? Although its not like I will be able to date girls in their 20's and 30's forever and everyone ages. But its still a fear of mine.
Can anyone relate?
I don’t think humans are designed for lifelong monogamy because of the fact that humans change.
If you're lucky, you will meet somebody someday that you'll decide you can't live without and your whole outlook may change.
Until then, don't worry about it. Nobody is going to force you.
Life is a crap-shoot. You pays yo money you takes yo chances.
There are many positives to marriage.
1. Finding a compatible mate who enjoys what you enjoy.
2. Someone to confide in.
3. Physical attraction is important, but it certainly isn't everything, and it will change over time.
4. Having children or not having children is part of learning about each other. Many couples choose to be childless.
5. people do change over time, but that is not always a bad thing. I used to be very sarcastic, bit I've mellowed in recent years. My SO put up with both.
6. Many couples do lot's of things apart. I fly-fish, my partner doesn't. We are both okay with that. You don't have to be around each other 24/7.
7. My SO and I lived together for a year before getting married. We had the time to learn about each other before making the big commitment.
If you never find the love of your life, that's okay too.
If you're lucky, you will meet somebody someday that you'll decide you can't live without and your whole outlook may change.
Until then, don't worry about it. Nobody is going to force you.
Exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane
You only listed cons of marriage and pros of singleness.
If you're lucky, you will meet somebody someday that you'll decide you can't live without and your whole outlook may change.
Until then, don't worry about it. Nobody is going to force you.
I don't think I'll be that lucky.
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