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Hi, my name is Amadeusz. I am from Europe, Poland.
First of all, I am not the native speaker of the English language, so there may be occasional grammar mistakes.
I didn't find this topic elsewhere, on blogs, forums etc. I hope that maybe You Guys will have similar views on this matter. I will try to be as clear as possible. This issue has been preoccupying my head since a very long time.
According to Your behavior, people are constantly judging You, they have a specific picture about You.
This is a well-known fact - nothing mysterious, revelatory or spectacular up to this point.
Nonetheless of your personality You have the right to join the parties, have a good time and be yourself - that's also a well-known fact - be yourself and have a good time with fewer friends or larger, or in a club or whatever place You want to. If you are an introvert, date introverts, basically people within your league - OK, again, everything is clear so far.
So what is the important issue I want to tell You about?
Let me explain it by using the general (based on my friend's true story) description firstly, and, secondly, my own experiences:
My friend's story: You are an introvert, a bit shy but relatively popular among your pals/female colleagues. Everything is sweet and dandy so far. They invited you over to a party. You agreed to give it a go. They are meeting in a club, a bit dancing, a bit loudly there. You don't like those places, You are an introvert a rather shy guy but again, everybody will be there.
You visited the place with your girlfriend with a wish to got drank and have a good time - and this is where the fun begins. They were constantly humiliating You, making fun of your girlfriend - sending her rubberneck looks etc. This is like You couldn't have fun because they only know your calm side.
This is what they were saying toward you and your girlfriend:
- I didn't know you drink alcohol!
- Do you two have sex sometimes?
- Whooah!! Run because somebody will **** your girlfriend!
- Why are You with him? He is so calm and he doesn't go out?
Somebody would say: Change friends!. However, changing friends won't solve the problem. Look, first impression matters. If You, from the first day, would made an impression that You are a party-goer, extrovert and a lady man, NO ONE would bat an eye about You and Your girlfriend, You two could even dance on the tables and no one would care.
It seems that You HAVE to pretend to be a extrovert and a lady men - in order for You to no be bully?
Even If You change the colleagues, they would still make fun of You - however, only on the inside.
My true story: In high school I met a very shy girl. I was a shy guy, but I had a friendly attitude towards everybody in my class. I was shy, she was shy and we were glad that we met each other - we liked to keep it that way. We didn't go out too much very often. There was a big party at her school. Everybody was coming with his or her crush or boyfriend or girlfriend. In her class, she was considered to be a shy and reticent person. I came to this party. It was so terrible to her. Everybody was humiliating her, the girls from her class were laughing their asses off. There were saying:
- Whoaah! You came there with your boyfriend, whooahh! We didn't know you had one!
- Give him a blowjob because you two look pale!
- When are you going to get married?
- Look at her, it's her boyfriend!
She was affected by this situation in a great way. She could barely handle it emotionally.
I invited her over to my graduation ball and the situation was even worse. People were approaching her and asking such questions:
- you know he is a weirdo? You are with a weirdo.
- What do you talk with him when you two are alone?
- Did you see his penis yet?
- Does he take you out sometimes or he locks you in his apartment?
The more 'calm' part of my school and class were giving us abased glazes/looks.
Shortly after it, she couldn't handle the humiliation and we had broken with each other.
The only times when we could be truly ourselves and have fun were at those festivals like Opener, where nobody knew us and we were just random people in the ocean of thousands of people.
Her close friends were also looking at her with some kind of humiliation.
To sum up, I think she was not afraid what other people would think of me but how they would judge her - so shyy and have a boyfriend? Whooa Did you see his penis yet - kind of stuff.
I am working in a corporation. On my first day I gave 30 people Durex condoms as an entry/invitation gift,It was a bold move however, I had to gave the first impression that I am a partygoer. So after a few months when the first in-company party was organised no one was laughing at me and I was kissing with random girls - no one was interested.
It cost me much. I am an introvert, but I am obliged to constantly giving the impression that I am an easy-going extrovert - so no one would humiliate me or my girlfriend in front of everybody's at an in-company party.
What do you think? I am a shy guy in general, i like reading books, hiking in the forest and I have only one best friend and a few 'friends'.
See you!!!
Last edited by AmadeuszLis; 06-23-2019 at 01:22 PM..
What is this double nature of a person that you are describing. There is only one person. You can be an introvert and go out, you can be a calm person and get angry. Everyone can be anyone in specific situations.
When people are "making fun" of you, you can either be offended or take it as a joke and fight back with a joke.
When people talk to your girlfriend like she isn't there, you can defend her simply by stating truths.
If someone says run cause someone will **** your girlfriend, you don't just stay silent if your girlfriend stays silent.
You are there to support your partner when they may be feeling awkward or not able to defend themselves. You can always say something like: "my girlfriend is smart enough to choose who she wants to have sex with". It's not insulting to anyone, and it takes the pressure off.
If you or your girlfriend are not comfortable being the focus of attention, you can always turn the focus to the person who is asking or saying those things.
"did you see his penis yet?"
"if you want to talk about my penis you can always ask me"
These kind of phrases are simple and bring attention to what the other person is doing. If a guy who wants to be perceived as a man who gets all the women makes a joke about your penis, just simply make it obvious that he is talking about your penis.
"why are you so interested in my penis?"
It's awkward for bullies when you ask the questions that they should be asking themselves.
Don't worry too much about other people.
As long as you're happy and confident everything is going to be fine.
If you don't feel happy, just find and change the thing that makes you unhappy and everything is going to be fine!
Everything is going to be fine either way
Yes I am a bit weird but my friends from the seminar from uni said i am a regular normal guy
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