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Old 06-27-2019, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Germany
173 posts, read 29,499 times
Reputation: 315

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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
If I were to go along with this reasoning, I would say the purpose of sorrow is to relieve negative emotions about events and allow the person to move. And moving on is the point of life, like it or not.

We abort the spontaneity of life by holding onto emotions and endlessly mentally masturbating with them.
We need to be balanced in our lives. Spontaneity is good, but feeling and analyzing our emotions is also very important.
That's why we have people in our lives. To help us keep the balance.
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Old 07-01-2019, 11:46 AM
 
3,808 posts, read 1,755,770 times
Reputation: 7508
I asked this question at a low point in dealing with the impending loss of my dog. I get all my realities here, him being past his life expectancy and doggers having too brief a stay with us at best, but I'm feeling this like a vice on my heart. It's easing a bit, but when I posted this question, I just wanted my sorrow to go away. I asked the question resenting what's about to happen and how I feel about it. What I think I meant was, why didn't we evolve to just move past loss, rather than be almost paralyzed by it at times, requiring others to see our pain and offer solace or direct help? We might be the lesser for it, but why not the simpler, unemotional response? If we accept that loss has to hurt, then people's tendency to respond kindly makes sense, but why would we evolve this 2 step process when no steps is more efficient, even if a lot less elegant?

Having processed things a little, it seems more clear to me that empathy has a real survival benefit to a group and to an individual. And the bonds we form or reinforce when we're grieving are vital, maybe as much now as they were when we lived in some small clan grouping. Our bond was everyday survival then. I'm using this current pain as motivation to nurture some relationships that matter to me. That gives this a purpose or meaning, things that don't come ready made and which we have to create for ourselves. I was going to say I created a narrative to support that meaning, but really I've just rediscovered that narrative. I got a dog in an effort to bridge a gap, a particular gap, and this particular dog has been bringing people closer to me ever since. And his illness and passing will one more time prompt me toward, rather than away from, when away is always my un dog like instinct.

Another answer to my question, "what is the purpose of sorrow?" might have been very appropriately,

"Wrong question. **** evolution. **** intellectualizing your pain. It's here. Feel it, talk about it, and ask for help. If you can, make it mean something. And call your daughter."
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Old 07-06-2019, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,894 posts, read 13,645,023 times
Reputation: 11513
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
I asked this question at a low point in dealing with the impending loss of my dog. I get all my realities here, him being past his life expectancy and doggers having too brief a stay with us at best, but I'm feeling this like a vice on my heart. It's easing a bit, but when I posted this question, I just wanted my sorrow to go away. I asked the question resenting what's about to happen and how I feel about it. What I think I meant was, why didn't we evolve to just move past loss, rather than be almost paralyzed by it at times, requiring others to see our pain and offer solace or direct help?
In order to do that, we would have to love less too. And that would be a very sad and lonely reality. Like I say, humans need companionship in some form - and in order for companionship to work, there has to be love, and in order for their to be love, we have to feel sorrow when we lose that.

I'm sorry about your dog, it's always hard to lose a beloved pet, but surely the years of love and happiness with him are worth it?
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Old Yesterday, 08:40 PM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
5,661 posts, read 2,865,682 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
In order to do that, we would have to love less too. And that would be a very sad and lonely reality. Like I say, humans need companionship in some form - and in order for companionship to work, there has to be love, and in order for their to be love, we have to feel sorrow when we lose that.

I'm sorry about your dog, it's always hard to lose a beloved pet, but surely the years of love and happiness with him are worth it?
Since we raise our young and have a family lifestyle, we need to love our kids and family - this is a survival thing - and loss of a family member and especially a child is naturally going to be traumatic. Even baboons grieve the loss of a youngster. Elephants show grief. A mother lioness that loses its young will adopt an antelope fawn (not successfully) if it happens to find one. So I'm saying it's part of survival.

Then again, I once had a cat that formed a strong bond with the neighbors cat. When my cat was killed the neighbor's cat pined for three months before dying. It died of grief. It wasn't eating and showed obvious signs of pining. I had heard of this before. Now cats are solitary creatures normally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
I asked this question at a low point in dealing with the impending loss of my dog. I get all my realities here, him being past his life expectancy and doggers having too brief a stay with us at best, but I'm feeling this like a vice on my heart. It's easing a bit, but when I posted this question, I just wanted my sorrow to go away. I asked the question resenting what's about to happen and how I feel about it. What I think I meant was, why didn't we evolve to just move past loss, rather than be almost paralyzed by it at times, requiring others to see our pain and offer solace or direct help? We might be the lesser for it, but why not the simpler, unemotional response? If we accept that loss has to hurt, then people's tendency to respond kindly makes sense, but why would we evolve this 2 step process when no steps is more efficient, even if a lot less elegant?
On losing pets - pets are part of the family, they become family members. My dog died and twenty years later I still have moments. I missed that cat for a long time too.

You can imagine how the loss of my son affects me.
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Old Yesterday, 11:40 PM
 
Location: El paso,tx
2,054 posts, read 796,500 times
Reputation: 3268
I think of sorrow as the "bill you pay, for love"
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