U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-04-2019, 12:01 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,674 posts, read 41,959,223 times
Reputation: 50568

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
It's a common thing, isn't it? I was just trying to imagine walking into a living room full of relatives on either side of the family and simply stating that I was angry. Other than a few members I can think of who would react very matter-of-factly I believe that most would have a unnecessarily strong reaction.
Thing is, it's okay to react to others' anger, as well, and that reaction doesn't have to be kneejerk or defensive or combative. People who can respond to strong emotion in a way that helps defuse the situation possess an important skill set.

Think customer service aspects of any job, for instance. People come in, often, dissatisfied, expressing anger, to some degree. People who work with those customers are trained to respond in a way that deescalates. It is possible. Hell, think counselors, mediators, hostage negotiators, even.

Quote:
I wonder if this is a global problem for women and not unique to American culture. The hand that rocks the cradle should be steady and gentle?
Well, gender roles aren't universal, in terms of specific social norms...but in most cultures, female societal roles do lean more toward nurturing, peacemaker type roles. A generalization, but not invalid, for all its broadness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-04-2019, 12:09 PM
 
845 posts, read 1,103,286 times
Reputation: 682
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
but how does anyone react to a petite little powerless girl being angry? They just laugh.
unless you're crazy; or can act like it. lol or have a baseball bat. or knife. yeah, you'd think girls aren't very scary, but you know what's most scary to guys? a crazy girl.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 01:12 PM
 
18,368 posts, read 23,547,048 times
Reputation: 34432
for whatever reason I've had a knack of picking....bi polar borderline personality … red heads that can make linda blair look like half pint on little house..

yes....im surprised im not one of those guys in a picture frame on the series "snapped"

I dislike tension.....appease fights and anger..and seen these ...good hearted ladies..... morph into a tempest..... throwing stuff...screaming.....often triggered by some pms or hormonal imbalance...
the anger seems to manifest like a tornado funnel...you can see it forming ….you just be quiet and try to get out of its way hoping sharp objects wont be thrown...

not finding the right shoes once triggered ….an anger episode that …..had her throwing all other shoes out the top window...

tough to describe..... how this good natured woman ….turns into carries mother ….

I finally got a good woman that doesn't go to a frown to psycho in 3 seconds.....shes a keeper
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,548,360 times
Reputation: 35688
Concentrating on only raging, crazy, psycho women? That just contributes to the idea that any angry woman is crazy for no reason...so rather than try to address it you either ignore her or run away. Women have real and legitimate reasons for anger, just like men do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,162 posts, read 54,630,432 times
Reputation: 66601
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Concentrating on only raging, crazy, psycho women? That just contributes to the idea that any angry woman is crazy for no reason...so rather than try to address it you either ignore her or run away. Women have real and legitimate reasons for anger, just like men do.
Of course we do.

I once read that fear and anger are mirrors of the other. That when you feel angry, you should ask yourself what you fear and vice versa.

I believe this idea has merit. I was once married to an abusive person with addiction issues. I feared him for a long time, but as it progressed and it became obvious that the marriage could not be salvaged, he used fear to keep me from leaving by threatening to take our daughter and disappear. By the time I got him out, the fear had been replaced with anger. I no longer feared him. Instead, I feared that one day rage would overcome me and I'd beat him and beat him until he never got up again. It's a disturbing thing to realize that you are capable of killing someone.
__________________
Moderator posts are in RED.
City-Data Terms of Service: http://www.city-data.com/terms.html
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-04-2019, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,915 posts, read 14,406,502 times
Reputation: 30861
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Concentrating on only raging, crazy, psycho women? That just contributes to the idea that any angry woman is crazy for no reason...so rather than try to address it you either ignore her or run away. Women have real and legitimate reasons for anger, just like men do.
So true. And the PMS and hormonal thing is often blamed, when the reason a woman is angry because she has been wronged some way. If it is OK for a guy to become angry if he has been wronged, I do not see why it is not OK for a woman to do same.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-05-2019, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Colorado
11,899 posts, read 7,329,822 times
Reputation: 21365
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
So true. And the PMS and hormonal thing is often blamed, when the reason a woman is angry because she has been wronged some way. If it is OK for a guy to become angry if he has been wronged, I do not see why it is not OK for a woman to do same.
That is exactly why I do not do anger.

As I said, I've felt righteous rage over a serious thing before, and I was just being "emotional" or "crazy." A man who can back his anger with a superhero's righteous fists (in the ridiculous narrative of our culture) has a right to his anger. His feelings of anger get to dictate right and wrong.

So instead, in order to be heard, I keep it cool as a cucumber, ferociously logical, and I seek the perfect words to cut to the heart of it like a scalpel so that someone knows exactly why they have wronged me. It's like getting a sick burn from Spock from Star Trek. Eyebrow and everything.

But in cases where I know that I will not be heard, and there certainly are plenty of those, I just will not speak. I'll be plotting the move that surgically excises that person from my life.

And no, I am absolutely not going to confront someone who has made me rightly angry and express my emotions, making myself vulnerable to them. Hell no. To try and repair the relationship? Why would I want to fix a relationship with an animal abuser or a rapist?

But that presupposes that in relationships I have that are worth keeping, I generally get angry. I don't feel that I do. I may get annoyed, insecure, frustrated...but those feelings are not what anger means to me.

The feeling of anger, for me...basically it's how I react to horrific wrongs and the people who get away with them. So yeah, it is a helpless feeling. And so it is one that I hate.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-05-2019, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,915 posts, read 14,406,502 times
Reputation: 30861
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork View Post
That is exactly why I do not do anger.

As I said, I've felt righteous rage over a serious thing before, and I was just being "emotional" or "crazy." A man who can back his anger with a superhero's righteous fists (in the ridiculous narrative of our culture) has a right to his anger. His feelings of anger get to dictate right and wrong.

So instead, in order to be heard, I keep it cool as a cucumber, ferociously logical, and I seek the perfect words to cut to the heart of it like a scalpel so that someone knows exactly why they have wronged me. It's like getting a sick burn from Spock from Star Trek. Eyebrow and everything.

But in cases where I know that I will not be heard, and there certainly are plenty of those, I just will not speak. I'll be plotting the move that surgically excises that person from my life.

And no, I am absolutely not going to confront someone who has made me rightly angry and express my emotions, making myself vulnerable to them. Hell no. To try and repair the relationship? Why would I want to fix a relationship with an animal abuser or a rapist?

But that presupposes that in relationships I have that are worth keeping, I generally get angry. I don't feel that I do. I may get annoyed, insecure, frustrated...but those feelings are not what anger means to me.

The feeling of anger, for me...basically it's how I react to horrific wrongs and the people who get away with them. So yeah, it is a helpless feeling. And so it is one that I hate.
I don’t generally feel helpless when I get really angry. Sometimes, in certain situations, I do. But usually I feel like I can take on the world when I am in such an aroused state.

Haven’t had that adrenaline surge in quite awhile, though. There was a always a big crash afterwards.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-05-2019, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Ohio
201 posts, read 235,342 times
Reputation: 487
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
It is a good distinction. When I think of rage I also think of anger that has been repressed and built up for a long time until it has reached unmanageable proportions. Or like TR says, it hasn't been regulated.

Someone explained it to me once like this:

You have a bag you carry around with you. Certain things make you angry but for some reason you don't deem it necessary to express your anger or can't so you stuff it in the bag. This goes on and eventually the bag is stuffed full. The next time something makes you feel anger you dump the whole bag out on someone's head. They're like, "Whoa! Where did that come from?"

I like that word picture.

I'm like this, slow to anger but look out when I do. I keep stuffing all those bad feelings inside what I call my Pandora's Box until it can't hold anymore. Then all heck breaks loose! Suddenly I want to deal with every one of those issues at once. Not good. I've learned to give warning when that's about to happen now. Whenever I utter the words "Pandora's Box", everyone in my family knows to take a time out for us all to cool off, preferably away from each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-05-2019, 04:46 PM
 
6,216 posts, read 2,877,190 times
Reputation: 15764
It's true that the females are to be timid . We can socially "cry", a by product of sorrow,fear,stress. A by product of anger is tense behavior... physical release thru pounding...or raising tone..even screaming.
Which is more inclined to be "acceptable" for gents to emote/display.

I had to be re-wired ...as I equated "anger" with harm,abuse,disportional irrational behavior. Which is how most emote that energy.

You bet when I am not processing a matter clearly...my anger may impede. Frustration...towards anger...towards behavior display.

I go from meek to rage in ten seconds or less. The bizarre part is...I KNOW when it is happening I have the ability to stop. Regroup and redirect . People assume quite wrongly that I simply do not feel anger. I do though. I put it in my "having a moment", reset and use the energy to the degree it needs released. Same with my other emotions. Each can empower . Not over power.

The emotion needs disciplined before it takes on a behavior ...big difference.

Yes apologize if any of your emotions manifested into behavior or words that directly or indirectly harmed a loved one. Own it. It's yours to embrace and incorporate into a level of behavior that fits the cause.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top