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Old 07-05-2019, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,915 posts, read 14,406,502 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
It's true that the females are to be timid . We can socially "cry", a by product of sorrow,fear,stress. A by product of anger is tense behavior... physical release thru pounding...or raising tone..even screaming.
Which is more inclined to be "acceptable" for gents to emote/display.

I had to be re-wired ...as I equated "anger" with harm,abuse,disportional irrational behavior. Which is how most emote that energy.

You bet when I am not processing a matter clearly...my anger may impede. Frustration...towards anger...towards behavior display.

I go from meek to rage in ten seconds or less. The bizarre part is...I KNOW when it is happening I have the ability to stop. Regroup and redirect . People assume quite wrongly that I simply do not feel anger. I do though. I put it in my "having a moment", reset and use the energy to the degree it needs released. Same with my other emotions. Each can empower . Not over power.

The emotion needs disciplined before it takes on a behavior ...big difference.

Yes apologize if any of your emotions manifested into behavior or words that directly or indirectly harmed a loved one. Own it. It's yours to embrace and incorporate into a level of behavior that fits the cause.
Interesting.

I like the idea of “owning” my anger.
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Old 07-07-2019, 08:06 AM
 
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It's society and the male species that makes us crazy, pissed off, (and stressed out, anxious, etc.). I think we have a lot more to be mad about than they do, but we're just supposed to be "nice" and docile all the time and not get mad or go off on any of them, even though they deserve it. And that just makes us...you guessed it, more angry!. No wonder we tend to have more heart problems and anxiety.
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Old 07-07-2019, 10:13 AM
 
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There was a time in my life when I was taking some college classes and decided to include a couple in the feminist theme. They were consciousness-raising in the terms of the day but I also found myself becoming angry about what I was learning and also angry examining my life through a different lens.

I remember commenting to someone how exhausting it was to walk around with so much free-floating anger all the time and sometimes it was leaking out into my relationships in harmful ways. She told me something interesting about the relationship between anger and energy - that sometimes rather than feel sad or defeated we feel the anger that protects us from those debilitating emotions and that provides energy to make change. If we can channel that energy into constructive use then we've taken lemons and made lemonade. I think that's a positive way to look at that kind of anger where you don't know where to "put" it.

It doesn't do much good to blame others for it. We can't fix that and it just reinforces our powerlessness. And like Nov3 says, it belongs to us. It's our anger therefor it is our issue to deal with. Taking responsibility puts us back in charge.

Instead of being a person who is being helplessly acted upon by outside forces we are a person acting upon our own issues and needs.
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Old 07-07-2019, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,915 posts, read 14,406,502 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
There was a time in my life when I was taking some college classes and decided to include a couple in the feminist theme. They were consciousness-raising in the terms of the day but I also found myself becoming angry about what I was learning and also angry examining my life through a different lens.

I remember commenting to someone how exhausting it was to walk around with so much free-floating anger all the time and sometimes it was leaking out into my relationships in harmful ways. She told me something interesting about the relationship between anger and energy - that sometimes rather than feel sad or defeated we feel the anger that protects us from those debilitating emotions and that provides energy to make change. If we can channel that energy into constructive use then we've taken lemons and made lemonade. I think that's a positive way to look at that kind of anger where you don't know where to "put" it.

It doesn't do much good to blame others for it. We can't fix that and it just reinforces our powerlessness. And like Nov3 says, it belongs to us. It's our anger therefor it is our issue to deal with. Taking responsibility puts us back in charge.

Instead of being a person who is being helplessly acted upon by outside forces we are a person acting upon our own issues and needs.
Good stuff here!
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Old 07-08-2019, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Nashville, TN
5,746 posts, read 3,210,620 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Of course we do.

I once read that fear and anger are mirrors of the other. That when you feel angry, you should ask yourself what you fear and vice versa.

I believe this idea has merit. I was once married to an abusive person with addiction issues. I feared him for a long time, but as it progressed and it became obvious that the marriage could not be salvaged, he used fear to keep me from leaving by threatening to take our daughter and disappear. By the time I got him out, the fear had been replaced with anger. I no longer feared him. Instead, I feared that one day rage would overcome me and I'd beat him and beat him until he never got up again. It's a disturbing thing to realize that you are capable of killing someone.
I understand completely.
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Old 07-08-2019, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Nashville, TN
5,746 posts, read 3,210,620 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
So true. And the PMS and hormonal thing is often blamed, when the reason a woman is angry because she has been wronged some way. If it is OK for a guy to become angry if he has been wronged, I do not see why it is not OK for a woman to do same.
Well, heck, we even see the double standard here on CD. Men will post angry threads over something pretty trivial. But women who post to express disagreement -- in a much more neutral tone than how male posters comment -- will be accused of being "angry" or "triggered" and in need of "meds." How often do we see male posters saying similar things to other male posters?

Last edited by newdixiegirl; 07-08-2019 at 03:38 PM..
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Old 07-08-2019, 08:58 PM
 
3,199 posts, read 1,676,751 times
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I believe that both women and men are expressing too much anger these days. I think back 30 years ago when I first entered the adult world in terms of really being on my own and it seemed people were generally more carefree. Now just about anything can and does cause rage.


Since this thread is about women, and I am one, I have this to say: I am surprised that with all the emphasis on expressing emotion, women actually DON'T seem to get angry about things they SHOULD be angry about. That frustrates me.
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Old 07-08-2019, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Micronesia
3,065 posts, read 953,064 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bikegal View Post
It's society and the male species that makes us crazy, pissed off, (and stressed out, anxious, etc.). I think we have a lot more to be mad about than they do, but we're just supposed to be "nice" and docile all the time and not get mad or go off on any of them, even though they deserve it. And that just makes us...you guessed it, more angry!. No wonder we tend to have more heart problems and anxiety.
This type of blind, one sided nonsense is what diminishes the efficiency of reasonable anger.

Last edited by Jimbo302; 07-08-2019 at 10:15 PM..
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Old 07-09-2019, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Colorado
11,899 posts, read 7,329,822 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimbo302 View Post
This type of blind, one sided nonsense is what diminishes the efficiency of reasonable anger.
This type of defensive dismissiveness and deliberate blind, one-sided, denial of other people's lived experiences, is what makes women feel not heard and therefore angry at men.

Thanks for illustrating the concept so effectively.

What do you consider to be "reasonable anger?" Like are you here to tell women what we are allowed to be angry about? Please, enlighten the room on what "reasonable" anger (from women) looks like, to you. I would like to know.

Ya'll remember when I said that I don't really do anger, per se? This right here. Every time a woman expresses an emotion, especially if it is possibly inconvenient to a man's utter entitlement to never be challenged in anything he says or does, there will be a guy just waiting in the woodwork somewhere to invalidate it and call it "nonsense." And, there it is. Bravo, sir.
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Old 07-09-2019, 09:24 AM
 
6,325 posts, read 3,583,841 times
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Here's where the concept of locus of control helped me. In external locus of control the idea is are you acted upon and reacting. It can be overwhelming and provide a sense of powerlessness. In an internal locus of control you are perceiving your world and your needs and acting upon them. This can provide a sense of agency.

Around the Eighties there was a lot of emphasis on needing validation for our feelings. That is true to an extent in the sense that in order to be healthy we need a support system of people who listen and understand.

But if that concept tips over into a sense of entitlement we have that problem again of depending on the outside world to give us what we need and we don't learn that our own validation is what's ultimately important. I do see that sometimes in people and they seem forever doomed to feel misunderstood and disappointed in relationships.

It's difficult to learn that someone you care about doesn't validate your feelings and there may be a number of reasons for that. Some of them may be controlling.

There's always that possibility of enough people not validating that you may have to re-examine the situation and check if your perception was askew. I don't like that much but it's a good sanity check nonetheless.

In my opinion it's best to keep my feelings about men to individuals and how I feel about them. Because I have yet to meet all the men there are. LOL
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