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Old 07-01-2019, 11:15 AM
 
3,808 posts, read 1,755,770 times
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This thread seems off, but still, eye the absence of eye contact, or the inability to make eye contact is so often stated as a gateway social skill. And it is. But doing it poorly is probably worse than not doing it at all.

OP, there are online resources that can give you tips on how to be more comfortable making eye contact. Or as other's have suggested, you might see a counselor about this and about your general perceptions of social stuff, which are inaccurate and narrowly focused in a way that, and I mean this kindly, probably relate to your diagnosis. Some people with autism struggle not only socially, but with part/whole perceptions, focusing on parts of situations and missing the whole. Trees obscuring the forest, and all that.

And I'd second or eighth the idea that your practice of making eye contact is sending signals that alienate people in some fashion. Minimize it until you get better at it.
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Old 07-01-2019, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,894 posts, read 13,645,023 times
Reputation: 11513
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedGuy777 View Post
Multiple guys try to approach me and look me right in my eyes and put me down/so i submit to them
Firstly, since you have Autism, I think it's very possible you are misreading this entirely and this is not what is actually happening. If it is, then maybe it's because you're staring at them and making them uncomfortable. You seem to think it's okay for you to look at other people, but not for them to look at you?

Quote:
some of them get really close to me and up to my face, i had to tell a guy the other day while having a normal conversation with him that he needs to back away because i do not know him and he was right up in my personal space trying to get way to close to my body
If you're having a normal conversation then the guy was probably not trying to intimidate you. I'm guessing you have a bigger personal space than most people do, and you can not expect people to know that. Just politely tell people "I'm sorry, I have Autism and have a bigger personal space than most people, would you mind keeping a wider space around me? Thank you so much." It does not mean they are trying to make you submit to them and they probably have no idea how uncomfortable they are making you.

Quote:
I feel like everyone in society wants to push me down and out, they want me to submit and put myself down
That may be how you feel, but that doesn't mean your perception of it is accurate. It's highly unlikely everyone in the world wants to put you down and make you "submit" to them. You seem to be slightly obsessed with this dominating/submitting thing, which is not actually a very normal part of society and again, I think your perception is off.

Quote:
Sometimes i am just trying to work out but i notice they walk up right next to me or they walk right towards me while im just trying to work out, they are messing with me head
I do not know why me! but i will not take this **** from anyone
No, they are not messing with you, not intentionally. It's pretty normal for people to walk near you or towards you in a public space, especially if it's busy or crowded. Try to find a time when not many people are there, but even so, people are going to walk right up next to you or towards you if you happen to be near an area or piece of equipment they want to use, or if you're in the most direct path for them to get to where they're going. That's completely normal behavior for people and it does not mean they are messing with you. In fact, they probably hardly even notice you, unless you're staring at them of course.

Do you have a therapist? I think you would benefit greatly from having a therapist who specializes in Austim - if you don't have one, you should seriously consider looking into one.
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Old 07-01-2019, 06:41 PM
 
2,687 posts, read 1,618,570 times
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This is a strange thread.


OP, the problem is with you. What you are describing does not happen to anyone else, so my guess is you are bringing this on yourself by staring or some other act during your workout.


I used to go to a gym with my gf at the time. We sometimes did a few exercises together, but we also had our own separate routines too. On some occasions when men would try to hit on her and she'd come back over to my area, they'd try to beat me by lifting more weight, or trying to outdo me in some way to impress her. Most of the time we'd just laugh at how hard they were trying, but for some of the more obnoxious ones, my gf would run her hands over me and kiss me in front of them. That got them to walk away and sulk every time.


I think you just need to stop staring at people. It's not normal to make eye contact and hold it with completely random strangers.
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Old 07-01-2019, 06:55 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 6 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,438 posts, read 3,628,914 times
Reputation: 19454
Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfusedGuy777 View Post
E
Do you know what autism is? I may have social issues and I'm a tech genius/nerd however I have social issues and can't form relationships with other people
Yes i know, maybe society hates people like me and I'm an introvert but I'm asking for help here
Were you diagnosed with autism?

Introversion is not the same thing as autism.
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Old 07-01-2019, 06:56 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,894 posts, read 13,645,023 times
Reputation: 11513
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katana49 View Post
This is a strange thread.
Well, he's Autistic - what seems strange to him is normal for us, and what's normal for us seems strange to him. Imagine trying to live in a world like that, it must be incredibly difficult, which is why I think he needs a therapist to help guide him.
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Old 07-01-2019, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,598 posts, read 19,931,965 times
Reputation: 45669
Do they have classes for people on the spectrum? I am not being snarky, it just seems like it would be helpful. A book maybe?

Eye contact is a subtle thing, hard to break down and explain. Something most people do not think about. I totally understand that the social aspect is hard for some to pick up, and I am not minimizing it.

If it's a stranger, eye contact is usually fleeting, usually if you make contact you smile (soft smile, no or little teeth) and look away, and it means nothing. Not dominate, not flirting, not anything.

I would find it extremely odd that guys at the gym want to be dominate to you. We are in the gym 5 days a week and my husband has never experienced anything like that..... all the guys are nice, heck one just brought him a home brew today (weird right?).
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Old 07-01-2019, 11:50 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,371 posts, read 1,500,543 times
Reputation: 3870
It looks like the ayes have it.

Aye aye Captain.

Aye lad ...
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Old 07-06-2019, 06:36 AM
Status: "Excited to move to Vegas!" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Beaverton, OR
5,529 posts, read 5,897,134 times
Reputation: 6294
Looking at anyone isnít against the law so who cares if she notices?! Big deal. I wonít stare at people because itís weird but if Iím caught looking Iím not going to crane my neck like a traffic accident to look away. Thatís just even weirder. I think the only time I felt bad for staring was when I was at the gym and just did a heavy set, I was literally staring off into the distance trying to catch my breath and oblivious to the world around me... and when I started to catch my breath I noticed a girl looking at me and realized I had been staring maybe a foot or two to her side, probably looked like I was checking her out lol. But whatever, you always hope the blank look on your face is a giveaway you were just zoning out
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Old 07-06-2019, 07:18 AM
 
5,406 posts, read 2,330,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Are you at a gay gym??? lol

I have never once heard of this happening. Ever.
This.


Stop staring. Problem solved.
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Old 07-06-2019, 01:36 PM
 
Location: West Coast
20 posts, read 3,174 times
Reputation: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
Well, he's Autistic - what seems strange to him is normal for us, and what's normal for us seems strange to him. Imagine trying to live in a world like that, it must be incredibly difficult, which is why I think he needs a therapist to help guide him.
I don't think he will be able to figure out how eye contact works on his own. It's not something you can learn by reading about it if you're that confused. He needs somebody that can walk around with him and observe what he's doing and give him pointers.
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