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I don't have any chemical vices or addictions besides smoking. I have never been drunk, and do not do drugs. I do enjoy caffeine, but I don't feel that it's something I need or want to quit for my health or any other reason, and I know I could do without it if I really had to. I'd just rather not.
But I can tell you why I smoke. It got its hooks in me when I was 15. At that age, the brain's not fully developed and in particular the part that assesses the consequences and long term ramifications of your choices, and allows you to be "wise" is simply not fully functioning yet. So there's this sense of invincibility, that there is no mistake one can make that can't be sorted later on, and that tomorrow doesn't really matter that much. I used to say, "So it will take years off my life, those are what, the incontinence years? Fine. Take 'em. I'm going to enjoy my today instead." Well now, at age 40, I don't really want to lose those years. I have struggled to quit, sometimes making it months at a time, but lapsed back into it again and again. Nicotine is one of the most intense chemical addictions one can have, and it is very hard and very stressful to stop doing it. As they say though, when you hit a certain point of readiness, if you want to quit, you REALLY want to quit, you just do. Maybe I just haven't arrived there yet. I know that I've had other stressors taking up a certain amount of my coping bandwidth, and dealing with my psychology being massively out of whack due to nicotine withdrawal, has not been a thing I could manage along with the rest at various times.
I do it because I'm addicted. I'm addicted because at a young age, I didn't take the idea of addiction seriously. Also I was very melodramatic, as teenagers are wont to be, and the night I started smoking my boyfriend had broken up to me so it felt like it was the end of the world and nothing mattered. Youth...truly, it is wasted on the young.
But aside from that, if I am behaving in a self destructive way, it's generally out of depression. I have episodes of it where I struggle, and bad thoughts lead to bad behaviors. Not eating, smoking too much, sleeping too little or way too much, isolating myself, things like that. I think that there are simply times where a person's mental state can make them vulnerable to self-destructive impulses. I've always said though, feeding into a depressive spiral feels almost indulgent to me, in a perverse kind of way. Like devoting a whole lot of attention to my own self even if it's bad attention. Maybe that could be, because my "normal" is not to devote a ton of positive attention to myself, to be so "low maintenance" in general that once in a while negative self-focus feels better than none at all, like a naughty child just needing attention from neglectful parents. Who knows...
My mom started smoking at 15. She is 89 now. Going to outlive me.
I took illegal drugs as a youth with no long term effects.
Oh yeah, I did that too.
Not sure if the marijuana had any long term effects or not...I'm leaning towards yes.
Because for me, it was severely demotivating and I stopped caring about school. I took the SAT tests in 8th grade and again in 12th and my scores dropped. Between those points, I smoked a lot of pot. So either it made me dumber, or it made me not care about learning to the point I forgot things and wasn't interested in attending class and doing work and such. It made me lazy and/or it made me stupid, compared to who I believe I'd have been otherwise. While those effects don't necessarily persist into the present in my personality, or certainly not to that degree, I did waste time that I could have spent learning and achieving, laying around being stoned and really appreciating snacks and Beavis & Butthead.
I also took LSD, but that I do not regret nor believe it had any lasting effect. But unlike some people I know, I wasn't into megadosing, so I've never had "flashbacks" or whatever else people say can happen. I enjoyed those experiences and if I had it to do over again, I would.
My mom started smoking at 15. She is 89 now. Going to outlive me.
Well sure, I know old people who have smoked most of their lives too. I've also known some with COPD or lung cancer. No telling how it will go. But at this point I'm sick of the stink and the expense, and I truly would like to quit, it would be fantastic if I could do that without having a psychological meltdown though.
I find I can cope with the physical withdrawal symptoms. It's when my brain decides to be in constant panic mode that I give in and smoke again.
Well sure, I know old people who have smoked most of their lives too. I've also known some with COPD or lung cancer. No telling how it will go. But at this point I'm sick of the stink and the expense, and I truly would like to quit, it would be fantastic if I could do that without having a psychological meltdown though.
I find I can cope with the physical withdrawal symptoms. It's when my brain decides to be in constant panic mode that I give in and smoke again.
Same here Spork; I can give up everything else and have. Not ciggies though. I am currently doing the self-hypnosis videos on Utube for quitting. I tell you, it is working gradually because, almost every time I smoke now, I get sick. I did not mean to quit by getting sick with panic attacks where I could not breathe though. It is happening that way. My conscious mind repeats "I am destroying myself. Ciggies will kill you." The quit smoking subliminal videos are saying, "I have quit. I am breathing better now." I am giving myself mixed messages and getting sick when I smoke. I even called an ambulance last night, and the medics said my vitals were golden. It's hard to explain. I only know I feel good until I smoke one or two now. Be careful with those self-hypnosis videos Folks.
Last edited by glenninindy; 07-03-2019 at 12:40 PM..
Sugar is the destructive element in my life. The inflammation it causes has broad and lasting ramifications. And I'm not talking just "sweets", I'm talking everyday food. It's discouraging how much sugar is in many foods. Even Rice Crispy's have sugar as the 2nd ingredient.
Same here Spork; I can give up everything else and have. Not ciggies though. I am currently doing the self-hypnosis videos on Utube for quitting. I tell you, it is working gradually because, almost every time I smoke now, I get sick. I did not mean to quit by getting sick with panic attacks where I could not breathe though. It is happening that way. My conscious mind repeats "I am destroying myself. Ciggies will kill you." The quit smoking subliminal videos are saying, "I have quit. I am breathing better now." I am giving myself mixed messages and getting sick when I smoke. I even called an ambulance last night, and the medics said my vitals were golden. It's hard to explain. I only know I feel good until I smoke one or two now. Be careful with those self-hypnosis videos Folks.
Jeez! Thanks for the warning. I've actually considered trying head-meds that some docs prescribe while people are trying to quit, like Chantix. But I dunno. I'm not really a fan, it's just it's the brain part that wrecks me. Like I feel if I am a smoker, indulging my habit, no matter how stressful life is or what external variables are in play, I can cope. But if I quit for a while, nothing even has to be really bad, but I feel like the sky is falling. Massive anxiety and I feel like I can't think and I'm just not up to the task of managing normal life. I freak out over nothing, and I yell at my family members. I do not like being that person!
Like so many smokers I've known in my life, I sure wish I'd never started. If I could pop into reality in any moment my teenage self picked up a cigarette and smack it out of my own hand, I would.
Sugar is the destructive element in my life. The inflammation it causes has broad and lasting ramifications. And I'm not talking just "sweets", I'm talking everyday food. It's discouraging how much sugar is in many foods. Even Rice Crispy's have sugar as the 2nd ingredient.
Don't buy packaged foods. Then you can control your sugar intake.
I am also in the camp of "life is not a gift". It just happens to you with no choice on your part. If you didn't have it, how would you know?!
Many people think life without their chosen "addiction" or just preference, isn't worth living, anyway.
A life of constant deprivation? Hmmm. Lose a few years off the back end, don't really care. Those last years are the worst for most, anyway.
Sonic. My dad was much like you, it really had its hooks in him. One time he was in the hospital for 2 months without smoking. First place he went when he was discharged was a park and rob to buy cigarettes. My sympathies to you. Maybe some way you'll find a way to quit.
Jeez! Thanks for the warning. I've actually considered trying head-meds that some docs prescribe while people are trying to quit, like Chantix. But I dunno. I'm not really a fan, it's just it's the brain part that wrecks me. Like I feel if I am a smoker, indulging my habit, no matter how stressful life is or what external variables are in play, I can cope. But if I quit for a while, nothing even has to be really bad, but I feel like the sky is falling. Massive anxiety and I feel like I can't think and I'm just not up to the task of managing normal life. I freak out over nothing, and I yell at my family members. I do not like being that person!
Like so many smokers I've known in my life, I sure wish I'd never started. If I could pop into reality in any moment my teenage self picked up a cigarette and smack it out of my own hand, I would.
I started smoking when I was 14. My 11 year old cousin taught me! We were both staying with our grandmother for a couple of weeks - this was right after my dad died very suddenly of a heart attack. He never smoked and at most drank maybe once a month and only one or two drinks. We all thought that he was as strong as an ox and very healthy. Unfortunately, he had severe coronary artery disease that no one knew about.
In my devastated (total daddy's girl) teenage mind, I thought that it didn't really matter what you did, you were going to die anyway. I still miss him and he died back in 1968. My uncle, dad's brother, is about to celebrate his 92nd birthday and is very healthy - both physically and mentally - when my uncle was younger he was a very heavy smoker and drinker. You just never know.
Anyway, I tried Chantix twice. The first time, I absolutely loved it! I wanted to sleep all the time because I had the most amazingly wonderful dreams you can imagine - they were like walking into a painting and wandering around in a magical world. I joked that the way it helped you quit smoking was because you slept so much and you can't smoke while you're asleep.
Years later, I tried it again and it messed with my head and made me feel very strange. I didn't like it at all. And I had been looking forward to more magical dreams - lol.
It didn't work to help me quit smoking either time. Of course, everyone is different and supposedly it does work well for a lot of people. I'm afraid to try it again because of my second not so good experience with it. But I'd sure love to experience those wonderful dreams again!
Last edited by vrexy; 07-03-2019 at 04:34 PM..
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Be careful with those self-hypnosis videos Folks.
