U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-11-2019, 06:59 AM
 
Location: NJ
10,774 posts, read 21,396,582 times
Reputation: 9025

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
I have a male friend who is married, and they both have a son, and the son looks nothing him or the wife, race wise. They are white, where as the son looks very African, at least to me.

However, my friend seems to buy that the kid is completely his and I wonder if he is so in love with the kid, that he it never occurred to him how black the kid looks compared to him or his wife?

I wonder if this is normal among parents though, like a syndrome if you will, where as they are in love with their child, and do not realize it's probably not theirs, no matter how unlike you they look?
Of course it's very possible she cheated on him and it's possible he knows that but has accepted the child as his own... At least for now. They could have gone thru a rough patch in their marriage where they both cheated. Unless your friend confides in you, you won't know.

It's also possible there's an African American relative on one or both sides. There's a couple from the show 90 day fiance. Both of them are really white; but the wife comes from Africa I think. They had a little girl that looks very African American; turns out that even though the wife looks very white; her father is Dominican or something like that. It was very shocking seeing the baby for the 1st time but of course the tabloids found pics of her father so now everyone knows why their daughter looks the way she does

Both of my grand kids are mixed. My grandson looks like my Hungarian father but with curly hair and darker skin but his skin is not that dark. He looks exotic. He looks like Slash from Guns and Roses when my grandson has long hair. My grand daughter's father is very light; she, like my grandson doesn't even look mixed but she has the same curls as my grandson but with white people hair. His hair reminds me of Jewish hair. She's very light skinned European looking. One of these days I'm going to do both of their DNA. I have a kit for my grandson but at almost 6 he really can't spit too good. Grand daughter is only 2, so I'd have to do My Heritage or swabs with saline solution to do ancestry's saliva spit test.

I'm sure your friend knows people are talking. He probably chooses to ignore it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-11-2019, 07:00 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
10,338 posts, read 4,894,543 times
Reputation: 21755
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
Oh okay, I was just concerned for my friend, and didn't want him to be fooled I guess, that's all.
It's really none of your business whether the child is his or not. What are you going to do tell him "hey your kid looks nothing like either of you, are you sure it's yours"? Seriously? He may know, the baby may have been conceived through IVF, a donor, etc. Maybe he doesn't want to share this personal info. I would suggest keeping your mouth shut.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-11-2019, 10:30 AM
 
Location: New York Area
15,979 posts, read 6,292,437 times
Reputation: 12409
Quote:
Originally Posted by ironpony View Post
I have a male friend who is married, and they both have a son, and the son looks nothing him or the wife, race wise. They are white, where as the son looks very African, at least to me.

However, my friend seems to buy that the kid is completely his and I wonder if he is so in love with the kid, that he it never occurred to him how black the kid looks compared to him or his wife?

I wonder if this is normal among parents though, like a syndrome if you will, where as they are in love with their child, and do not realize it's probably not theirs, no matter how unlike you they look?
Adopted perhaps? On the other hand some believe that resemblances are pure coincidence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aboom View Post
Some people are oblivious to the possibility the child may not be theirs. This is because never in a million years would they think their partner cheated. As far as an official syndrome, I have never heard of such but how bout "ironpony" syndrome? It's an unspoken rule that those that "discover" get to name ...its your call.
My aunt, my father's sister, got pregnant in 1956 even though she and her husband hadn't been getting along. She asked my father for advice and my mother told me, after his death in 1973 that all that she heard, after the phone rang in the wee hours, was my father advising "deny deny deny and deny." The baby, my cousin, looked just like...the family doctor. My aunt and her husband divorced in 1969. During the trial, my aunt's husband elicited testimony to that effect.

My father, by contrast, operated an interior design business and an intact, normal marriage. While my father did not abandon his sister or cut off communications, he understandably kept those to a minimum. My reconnection to my aunt and various cousins, in the years following his death have resulted i some truly bizarre communications.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-11-2019, 10:42 AM
 
6,662 posts, read 2,404,406 times
Reputation: 15326
Quote:
Originally Posted by jbgusa View Post
Adopted perhaps? On the other hand some believe that resemblances are pure coincidence.

My aunt, my father's sister, got pregnant in 1956 even though she and her husband hadn't been getting along. She asked my father for advice and my mother told me, after his death in 1973 that all that she heard, after the phone rang in the wee hours, was my father advising "deny deny deny and deny." The baby, my cousin, looked just like...the family doctor. My aunt and her husband divorced in 1969. During the trial, my aunt's husband elicited testimony to that effect.

My father, by contrast, operated an interior design business and an intact, normal marriage. While my father did not abandon his sister or cut off communications, he understandably kept those to a minimum. My reconnection to my aunt and various cousins, in the years following his death have resulted i some truly bizarre communications.

My maternal grandmother's sister (so my great aunt) was raped by her dentist, while her husband was over seas during WWII. She had the baby and gave it up for adoption. As far as I know, 2 people know about it. My mom, and me. Her husband never knew about the baby.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-11-2019, 04:56 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,237 posts, read 4,663,090 times
Reputation: 9307
OP, it's possible the couple did IVF and used donor sperm (due to male infertility) or they chose to adopt and not reveal the details.

I had four kids with my first husband and three favor him in many ways. There's no denying he's their father. Our second daughter shares some of his traits, but she looks more like me. All of my kids have 1/4 SSA ancestry. My second daughter has very coily hair, though she looked the most "white" as a baby and young toddler (fair complexion, golden blonde hair, grey-green eyes). Her hair texture started to change during the toddler years and again after going through puberty. Their father (white) has 8% SSA ancestry. Our second daughter's hair is likely the result of a "throwback" gene that expressed.

My younger two with my now-husband, our daughter looks a lot like her father. It was obvious at birth. We got comments asking if she's Asian due to her eye shape, which she gets from her father. She also inherited his big dimples, facial bone structure, and slight cleft chin. She has my mouth, smile, and eyebrows. Her hair is the least curly. It's more 2b. Our son looks more like me but has his father's big dimples, cleft chin, and jawline. He inherited my mother's beautiful almond-shaped eyes, my eyebrows, mouth/smile, and curly hair.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 05:36 PM
 
4,821 posts, read 1,461,197 times
Reputation: 6643
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
It's really none of your business whether the child is his or not. What are you going to do tell him "hey your kid looks nothing like either of you, are you sure it's yours"? Seriously? He may know, the baby may have been conceived through IVF, a donor, etc. Maybe he doesn't want to share this personal info. I would suggest keeping your mouth shut.
I agree. It would be highly inappropriate for the OP to say anything about this to his friend.

It would also be wrong to start rumors behind his back.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2019, 07:37 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,236 posts, read 54,695,623 times
Reputation: 66724
Quote:
Originally Posted by riaelise View Post
LOL. There are many "White" people who have traditionally African features and many "Africans" who don't. For all you know the parents may not be White but mixed race. My uncles on my mother's side had straight hair and swarthy skin like Greeks and Italians but they were not White. I come from a multiracial family, for many generations and on both sides. you'll see people with all types of features. It's really none of your concern.
Reminds me that I once read that Macy's made a big deal out of hiring their first black woman salesperson back in the 1960s. However, there had been a black woman working there for years already--it's just that no one ever realized she was black.
__________________
Moderator posts are in RED.
City-Data Terms of Service: http://www.city-data.com/terms.html
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2019, 10:17 PM
 
Location: Watervliet, NY
4,287 posts, read 1,584,940 times
Reputation: 7849
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikefong123 View Post
I don't have any kids but if I did, I can tell very easily. My family genes are pretty strong. I'm almost an exact replica of my dad and grandfather. Chances are I may look almost exactly like my great grandfather too if we had pictures of him. All my siblings have a certain look to them that I know that they are my siblings. My nieces and nephews have a certain look to them that I know they belong to my family. So, yeah, I could easily ID if a kid was mine or not. But I don't have kids so I don't have to worry about it.

Don't be so sure. I was having a conversation with a friend today about the fact that after all these years, now his half-brother thinks that they may not have the same father. They look very much alike, and my friend thinks one of his sons looks more like his uncle than he does my friend. Their paternal grandmother was a full-blooded Mohawk, born on a reservation in upstate NY. His brother took one of those ancestry tests, and they found absolutely no Native American in his background.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-19-2019, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,236 posts, read 54,695,623 times
Reputation: 66724
Then things like this have been found to have happened:

https://www.irishcentral.com/roots/g...ecret-revealed
__________________
Moderator posts are in RED.
City-Data Terms of Service: http://www.city-data.com/terms.html
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-19-2019, 09:58 AM
 
630 posts, read 211,817 times
Reputation: 1878
Maybe don't insert yourself in others' relationships or speculate on things you know nothing about.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top