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Old 07-11-2019, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,918 posts, read 13,665,901 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
Iím 44. My first experience with someone young dying was at 27 (she was 26) of a heart condition. In the last 7 years Iíve had about 6 people I know pass away before 70. 2 where in there 40ís. One from cancer at 42 and another a stroke at 46. And I recently found a pic of me with both of them from the 90ís. Also almost all the celebs Iíve been fans of since I was a child have passed away young or somewhat young (John Ritter, Corey Haim, Heath Ledger, David Cassidy to name a few). Itís makes me feel very upset. Especially when I find pics with or of these people.
Not really. I'm not being dismissive of your losses but everyone has experienced loss and some people much more than this. I say this more so you know you're not alone, not to say you should not be upset by it. As a kid, one of my cousins (who was in her 20s) died in a car accident. As a teen, a friend of mine (also a teen) died in another car accident. Two of my grandparents died when I was a teen, just of old age, but also my aunt died of cancer (she was in her 50s). Then when I was about 21, my best friend's dad died in a car accident. A few years later, another cousin died of a drug overdose. More recently, my uncle died in a horrific car accident and another cousin is currently battling cancer and it's not looking good. I'm 37 now and it feels like an entire generation of my family is dying. My grandfather died recently, then his sister soon after, and her husband just after that. They were all in their 90s so of course it wasn't surprising, but everyone is saying it's then end of an era with their deaths, and they're right, that's what it feels like and it sucks. They were the matriarchs and patriarchs of our family so I think everyone feels a bit lost without them. I still find it hard to look at pics of them without crying.

The deaths of celebrities is saddening, especially when you feel like you "grew up" with them - but I would not compare it to the loss of a loved one.

We all have tragedies in our lives - that does not mean you shouldn't be impacted by your losses just because other people have had it worse. It's not a competition, it's not like whoever has the most losses is allowed to be the most upset by it. We all process and cope with grief differently, and if you feel like you're struggling with it, that's okay, no one should judge you for it. I would recommend you consider talking to a therapist though, as they'll be able to help you process and cope with it.
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Old 07-11-2019, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,241 posts, read 8,532,850 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
Iím 44. My first experience with someone young dying was at 27 (she was 26) of a heart condition. In the last 7 years Iíve had about 6 people I know pass away before 70. 2 where in there 40ís. One from cancer at 42 and another a stroke at 46. And I recently found a pic of me with both of them from the 90ís. Also almost all the celebs Iíve been fans of since I was a child have passed away young or somewhat young (John Ritter, Corey Haim, Heath Ledger, David Cassidy to name a few). Itís makes me feel very upset. Especially when I find pics with or of these people.
You say "people you know" - how close? A kid in my H.S. died before either of us graduated....but I didn't know him other than from a yearbook.

All my grandparents were dead before I finished college. My father died when I was in early 20's and my mother when I was 40...that seems like a lot. I'm amazed when I hear people older than me talk about an aunt or uncle dying or even a grandparent in some cases.

I certainly don't count people I've never met - entertainers/celebrities tend to die young and it's sad but doesn't affect me personally.

Many more people, people who are close to you, will die. You'll need to develop your own perspective of dealing with it.
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Old 07-11-2019, 04:28 PM
 
941 posts, read 258,949 times
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Why? Is it a contest?





(I'd be happy to lose...)
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Old 07-11-2019, 04:55 PM
 
1,558 posts, read 1,051,462 times
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I think you're fortunate that you were in your 20s before anyone you knew who was young died.

When I was 4 my sister died. At 8 my father died at age 41. At 10 a good friend died of leukemia. At 27 my first wife died. At 48 my second wife died.

I know a lot of people who lost a parent to death when they were children.

All death is sad for the living but i think the deaths when you're a child are much harder to process and leave more of a mark.

Ultimately we are here to live so get therapy if you need help.
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Old 07-11-2019, 04:59 PM
 
5,450 posts, read 2,347,326 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
Iím 44. My first experience with someone young dying was at 27 (she was 26) of a heart condition. In the last 7 years Iíve had about 6 people I know pass away before 70. 2 where in there 40ís. One from cancer at 42 and another a stroke at 46. And I recently found a pic of me with both of them from the 90ís. Also almost all the celebs Iíve been fans of since I was a child have passed away young or somewhat young (John Ritter, Corey Haim, Heath Ledger, David Cassidy to name a few). Itís makes me feel very upset. Especially when I find pics with or of these people.


Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
Um, you equate celebritiesí deaths with the deaths of people you know?

Look, some of us have experienced grievous loss, and some have experienced fewer losses. I do not believe you are unique. You should understand that you are not unique in this way. The important thing, I believe, is to learn something about life from your experiences. Otherwise, your experiences mean nothing in your life.
This.
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Old 07-11-2019, 07:32 PM
 
1,430 posts, read 801,508 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
I’m 44. My first experience with someone young dying was at 27 (she was 26) of a heart condition. In the last 7 years I’ve had about 6 people I know pass away before 70. 2 where in there 40’s. One from cancer at 42 and another a stroke at 46. And I recently found a pic of me with both of them from the 90’s. Also almost all the celebs I’ve been fans of since I was a child have passed away young or somewhat young (John Ritter, Corey Haim, Heath Ledger, David Cassidy to name a few). It’s makes me feel very upset. Especially when I find pics with or of these people.

That might be more than some, and less then others. I think my count is awfully high.

My grandparents all died when I was 4 to 5, although I'll admit I don't recall much. My younger cousin who I loved a lot died when i was 12. I was very upset by that. A good friend died in a car accident when I was 14 and that had a lasting impact. Then my best friend killed himself when we were 18. i personally knew more friends and acquaintances dead by suicide and misadventure by the time i was 30 than you know dead people now (that doesn't make your trauma any less significant), and they kept dropping through my 30s. i lost count. I had another best friend kill herself when i was 43. i was in my early fifties before my first friend died of natural causes! Then another 2 years later. I'm still in my fifties and I have a picture of me and 3 friends in high school, and I'm the only one still alive. Two of them are the 2 who died of natural causes.
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Old 07-11-2019, 11:48 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,140 posts, read 2,931,643 times
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OP, the "loss" of celebrities isn't really a personal loss. No more than for all the millions of other people who happened to know about them. Yes, they are no longer there to entertain us so that is sad and we don't like missing their skills, talents, personalities. Losing someone you had a personal relationship with is different because of all the emotions that existed between the two of you both good and bad; joy, love, desire, jealousy, anger, all of them.

IMHO the difference between "more" and "less" loss is partly due to the way YOU face or come to peace with them. Or don't ever face or reach peace with them. If you don't work your way through them once they happen, it won't matter whether you've had 5 losses or 50. The actual number of them makes no difference. They are all there forever.
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Old 07-12-2019, 02:25 AM
 
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
5,667 posts, read 2,871,106 times
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I have lost way too much for anyone of any age. Yet I am not alone and my losses pale into insignificance when looking at what many others have lost.
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Old 07-12-2019, 02:37 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,486 posts, read 3,319,586 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adriank7 View Post
Iím 44. My first experience with someone young dying was at 27 (she was 26) of a heart condition. In the last 7 years Iíve had about 6 people I know pass away before 70. 2 where in there 40ís. One from cancer at 42 and another a stroke at 46. And I recently found a pic of me with both of them from the 90ís.
I think it actually sounds like you may have had less experience of death than the average person. I think it's not usual to make it that far into adulthood without losing any friends or family.
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Old 07-12-2019, 03:32 PM
 
7,987 posts, read 5,995,169 times
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You know...

I met my set of friends (10+) at 25. I'm 35 now and I'm the sole survivor. My immediate family (mom and dad) is dead. My mother from asthma. My father from a heart attack. There's more but I'll stop here.

The only friend that is alive right now has pushed me away, which is okay (bars). At least she's still alive.
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