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Old Yesterday, 03:33 AM
 
448 posts, read 87,226 times
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"A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent."

- William Blake, Auguries of Innocence
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Old Today, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
45,163 posts, read 36,370,190 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LiaLia View Post
Ok. What I'm trying to get at is what's the definition of "actually true"?
Well, facts are true. But so what?

The bigger issue though is that we are not obligated to state everything we believe to be true. Just because something may be true doesn't mean we need to point it out.

Here's my rule of thumb - make sure my own stuff is straight. Work on my own faults, my own interactions with people. That generally keeps me busy enough so that I don't even have the time, let alone the inclination, to overshare with other people, trying to correct THEM.

Now I want to point something out though about people being habitually very late (not talking about ten minutes late - I'm talking about 20 minutes, 45 minute, etc or someone who consistently changes plans at the last minute). For every action, there is a consequence. I have a very good friend who was ALWAYS late. I mean always. And the thing is, she lives "in town" and I live "out of town" by about 20 minutes, which means that I always had to leave my house before she did, and I would text her and say "Leaving my house - see you in 30 minutes!" and she would say she was leaving too - but I know for a fact that she had to be lying because she would be thirty minutes late or whatever nearly every time! This became so incredibly irritating. So finally I just started leaving wherever I was before she got there, and then when she called all upset I'd say, "Sorry but I have other things planned today as well and I just couldn't sit around waiting any longer." But the problem with that was that I sat somewhere waiting for her and getting madder and madder. Then there was a showdown and she would get upset and I would already be upset. So not ideal.

So THEN she tried actually calling me - but at the last minute, trying to "reschedule" for an hour later or something. Now - I get it, sometimes things happen, but here's the deal - neither of us works, and both of us have flexible schedules. This just can't happen EVERY TIME. But for whatever reason, she was trying to make sure that I sat somewhere and WAITED ON HER. No. Sorry. Not going to do it. So I would tell her "Sorry, that won't work for me." But I was still already out and about, already had driven "into town," etc.

She would improve for a few times, but then slip back into it. You know what worked best? Just making her sit and wait somewhere. I finally figured out to turn the tables - to treat her like she was treating me. Wow, that worked! I mean, pretty much. She's still a little hard to work with but things are much improved. But sadly, in spite of our long friendship and our love for each other, it's like a compulsion for her - I don't take it personally because I have known her long enough now to know that she is like this with everyone.

She has done all sorts of other crazy things involving time issues, but this is a topic for another thread.

My point in all this is that all actions have consequences, and all healthy relationships have boundaries. Learn those boundaries and respect them if you want that other person to be in your life. OP, other people are consistently signalling to you that you have crossed some sort of boundary, so stop doing it or accept the consequences when you do.

Last edited by KathrynAragon; Today at 07:12 AM..
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