U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-15-2019, 08:08 PM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
729 posts, read 266,835 times
Reputation: 1621

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
we are gregarious creatures....
feeling part of a group is safety..... and a common purpose... whether its church ..or a motorcycle gang.... or a sports team...


I believe the internet has shrunk the world ...brought us closer together...its a portal to the world....

you can join just about any facebook group and talk to people around the world.....

I think its amazing...
Totally disagree. Social media has made it harder. The Internet is no is no substitute for real human connection. It's sad that it's become that way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-15-2019, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Honolulu
1,074 posts, read 1,474,973 times
Reputation: 2355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Totally disagree. Social media has made it harder. The Internet is no is no substitute for real human connection. It's sad that it's become that way.
Do you really think it's harder to meet people due to the internet? I think it's made it easier for those who want to meet people (Ex. online dating). Back before the internet if an introvert want to meet someone who shared their interests I think it would be harder since they'd have to do an active search for those with similar interests. Sure online interactions are no substitute for face to face interactions, more like a complement, but it's still social interaction, just a different kind. Are you saying that without the internet someone like yourself would have an easier time meeting people?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-15-2019, 10:30 PM
 
Location: Honolulu
1,074 posts, read 1,474,973 times
Reputation: 2355
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I was watching a Investigation Discovery she last night about a young man whose mother and sister murdered his father with a pick age. His mother had been very abusive to him his whole life. He entered the army at 18 in order to get away from her.

He made a comment that was quite interesting about his time in Iraq, during the war. He said those were the happiest days of his life. He said he was in a great place because he could shoot back at the enemy, but more importantly, he had a bunch of guys that always had his back.

I think that says a lot about the importance of being part of a family or a community. The world is a lonely hostile place. Going it alone leaves us feeling isolated, vulnerabe, and friendless. Maybe one of the most important things we need to do to help people under mental illness be part of a community.
I'm pretty sure I saw the same episode and I totally agree with you that community is very important. I always like to say that it's not so much the material things in your life that make you happy, but the people in your life. Imagine you're very happy. Now imagine taking away all the people in your life away. I doubt you'd be happy anymore, whereas you could take away other things (ex. car, house, job, etc) and still possibly be happy. I know everyone's different and not everyone needs a lot of connections to feel happy, but there are very few of us that can live contently without having any strong connections in life.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 10:32 AM
 
214 posts, read 84,958 times
Reputation: 609
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzcat22 View Post
Agreed---but nothing makes me feel more lonely than being with people who aren't interested in me, don't give me mindful attention when we are together (i.e. playing on their phones), using me just as a filler to alleviate boredom, kill some time, do some favors for them. I typically feel lonelier with other other people than when I'm by myself if I can't be my authentic self or don't feel valued.


So where to find this supportive community? Some neighborhoods have a sense of this, but not every/many. Churches purport to offer it, but not always. Social groups like most Meetup groups, usually not.
I trend strongly towards being an isolator.

Some of my social needs are met by being a member of a non tenet based church.
Through the church I have met people through volunteering and participating in the groups and activities the church offers.

I also am a member of two 12 step groups - I know they are not for everybody - but they are me . Through these groups I have gone camping, gone out for dinner and dancing, participated in various other activities.

I read somewhere on the CD about this one guy. He was having a hard time connecting with a group he wanted to become part of.Think the group is the people who dress like animals and do whatever it is people who dress like animals do.

He was attending their conventions and still couldn't get any traction. So he decided to volunteer at the next convention. He met so many more people and now is a part of the furry community.

I took his advice and volunteered at a pretty big function - versus just showing up- and I connected with so many more people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Ohio
5,030 posts, read 1,814,327 times
Reputation: 4125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Totally disagree. Social media has made it harder. The Internet is no is no substitute for real human connection. It's sad that it's become that way.
Tend to agree with this. Technology in many ways has built artificial walls between us and given us the tools to become ever more superficial. It began way before the Internet with the advent of television. Bit by bit we began discarding opportunities for real human interaction in favor of being with our devices. Exchanging data via electronics is a poor substitute for personal real-time contact.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 02:01 PM
 
1,857 posts, read 747,916 times
Reputation: 3042
OP is right, though my brother is a loner and has no friends with whom he speaks regularly. The only family member he speaks with is our mom.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 02:55 PM
 
8,083 posts, read 6,024,174 times
Reputation: 5727
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaGWS View Post
I agree. A strong sense of belonging to a community is important for most people. It helps people to feel wanted and needed.
I could see that. Even as an introvert and loner, I want to know that there is someone (decent) nearby. I don't want to be completely alone...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
4,460 posts, read 4,307,383 times
Reputation: 5244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Totally disagree. Social media has made it harder. The Internet is no is no substitute for real human connection. It's sad that it's become that way.
I agree with you. Those who say its easier have had way different experiences than some of us have. The reality is, it only APPEARS easier, but it definitely isn't.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 03:37 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,133 posts, read 12,881,666 times
Reputation: 31548
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I was watching a Investigation Discovery she last night about a young man whose mother and sister murdered his father with a pick age. His mother had been very abusive to him his whole life. He entered the army at 18 in order to get away from her.

He made a comment that was quite interesting about his time in Iraq, during the war. He said those were the happiest days of his life. He said he was in a great place because he could shoot back at the enemy, but more importantly, he had a bunch of guys that always had his back.

I think that says a lot about the importance of being part of a family or a community. The world is a lonely hostile place. Going it alone leaves us feeling isolated, vulnerabe, and friendless. Maybe one of the most important things we need to do to help people under mental illness be part of a community.
yep, just look at gangbangers - it is mostly kids with parents who don't take care of them so they look elsewhere to belong to. Or the way street kids are recruited for prostitution - first they get taken care of like never before ... and then the pimp pulls the rug from under their feet.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2019, 03:53 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,211 posts, read 2,969,702 times
Reputation: 24393
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I agree with you. Those who say its easier have had way different experiences than some of us have. The reality is, it only APPEARS easier, but it definitely isn't.
I'm sort of on the fence about technology isolating more than connecting. A lot probably depends on why a person is seeking community. If they are seeking interaction with others who share a common interest it can be incredibly good. If they are seeking personal one-on-one relationships its not going to foster that nearly as well. Someone who can't seem to manage face-to-face connections with others could end up even more isolated by electronic venues because they never have to learn those interpersonal skills.

Example: I have kept several exotic animals over the years and have a deep interest in their welfare. Before the internet it was quite difficult to find other keepers or stay in touch (phone, face-to-face meetups, writing letters). With web based groups I can discuss and share with other hobbyists across the globe. The amount of interaction is fantastic, and the information exchange has improved the conditions for these creatures we all care so much about, and also resulted in "friends" I'd never meet otherwise. A few of them became very close personal friends who share a lot about the other aspects of our lives. I'll probably never meet them in person; one lives in Africa, one in Germany, another in Quebec. This community has been active and stable for almost 20 years now. Granted, most of us weren't searching for those intimate relationships, but the community that formed was just not possible before.

As with so many other things there is no right or wrong answer...just that "it depends".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Psychology
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top