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Old 07-17-2019, 01:14 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
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I dont think internet friends qualify, or if they do, its emotional support. What most need is, someone who has your back. Someone who will help you move, someone who will take you to the doctor, go fishing with, share a beer, etc. Those who can physically help you, like a fellow soldier, thats what we get in a traditional community.
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Old 07-17-2019, 01:35 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I dont think internet friends qualify, or if they do, its emotional support. What most need is, someone who has your back. Someone who will help you move, someone who will take you to the doctor, go fishing with, share a beer, etc. Those who can physically help you, like a fellow soldier, thats what we get in a traditional community.
That's why as lonely as I am, I've no interest in Internet only friendships. I need the kind of things you mentioned and online support cannot provide that. It s the outside world where I struggle.
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Old 07-17-2019, 06:40 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
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We always told our kids growing up, if you want friends, you have to be a friend. That is befriend someone, invite them, help them, bring them a cookie.
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Old 07-18-2019, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Colorado
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Totally disagree. Social media has made it harder. The Internet is no is no substitute for real human connection. It's sad that it's become that way.
I think it depends on how you use it.

The internet gives an endless parade of engaging distractions to people who are prone to isolate themselves, to procrastinate the whole "getting out of the chair and doing something" and those who like to make lots of excuses for their own life choices, too. (Not suggesting that being in one of these categories puts anyone in all of them.) It's very easy to devote so much time to one's online presence that they neglect to engage people face-to-face.

And some communities can only exist most of the time on the internet because the members are scattered geographically far from each other. While some groups will get together now and then in "meat space" not every person can afford to travel to a destination where that kind of thing happens.

But on the other hand, though... I have found that the best outcomes of community for me have been helped vastly by the internet. My first big community was the fan community surrounding the band, GWAR. I knew so many people...it was crazy. I had hundreds of "friends" in that group, almost all of them lived far away, but we did meet in person at concerts and the annual GWARBQ music festival. I once did an exercise, fantasizing about renting a huge beach house with these folks, and went through my contacts on Facebook to figure out how many core friends I would absolutely have to invite to such an endeavor...I could not get it under 60 people. Sixty "close-like-family" friends out of hundreds.

We had great times. Then the singer died in 2014, and he was the one guy who initially made most of us feel like family, made most of us feel so invested. Lots of badmouthing, drama, taking sides, and so on ensued. It was a mess. It's never been the same for some of us old-timers. So while I still see the guys when they play near me, I don't travel for them anymore. My investment in that group has diminished.

But how did I FIND them? The internet.

Now I'm involved in the BDSM/kink/leather/alt lifestyle community, and once again I've got hundreds of friends and dozens of "chosen family." And it is wonderful. How did I find the club where I volunteer and now am in a leadership role? The internet. And I've visited other clubs in other cities, because of the internet. And I go to conventions I wouldn't probably even know about if it weren't for...the internet.

So you can use it to find real world opportunities...or you can use it to keep yourself isolated at home... But that's all up to you, to some extent.

Brings me to my Advice for Finding Community: Center it on something that you're passionate about. Then seek others who are also into that thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nevada2012 View Post
I trend strongly towards being an isolator.

Some of my social needs are met by being a member of a non tenet based church.
Through the church I have met people through volunteering and participating in the groups and activities the church offers.

I also am a member of two 12 step groups - I know they are not for everybody - but they are me . Through these groups I have gone camping, gone out for dinner and dancing, participated in various other activities.

I read somewhere on the CD about this one guy. He was having a hard time connecting with a group he wanted to become part of.Think the group is the people who dress like animals and do whatever it is people who dress like animals do.

He was attending their conventions and still couldn't get any traction. So he decided to volunteer at the next convention. He met so many more people and now is a part of the furry community.

I took his advice and volunteered at a pretty big function - versus just showing up- and I connected with so many more people.
Yup. I'm not into the furry thing, but I think this works in a lot of contexts. Show up and help out. Ask others how you can help with this or that. Tons of communities are more or less volunteer driven. Anyone can become part of that, most of the time. Volunteerism gives you a sense of belonging and ownership in the thing, and it makes others want to connect with you. Doesn't matter if this is a kink club or a church bake sale. Whatever you're into, there are probably opportunities if you just look for them. Heck, even in the fan group around that band, when I traveled to the festival, I rented a minivan so that I could be the sober driver for several of my drunk friends. I bought meals for people who had less money than I did. I helped clean up the hotel pool area after a bunch of people were partying out there every night. When another group member was struggling, and her family was facing homelessness, I auctioned off a valuable piece of art drawn by the late singer, and used the proceeds to help her out.

Show up and step up. That's how people get big social capital in groups.
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Old 07-19-2019, 06:39 PM
 
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Well, the past several years has been forcing society toward narcissism, intersectionality, and balkanization. Those are significant barriers in the way of seeking community.
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Old Yesterday, 03:09 AM
 
Location: Ohio
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I spent many years living among the Amish and Mennonites. Talk about community! They believe good works gets you into heaven so they always help each other. That is what I miss the most since leaving them.
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Old Today, 09:28 AM
 
Location: USA
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I believe having a sense of community is important. Some don't do well in that department such as me. It sucks. I even tried joining different groups and such and it hasn't worked well in my favor. I don't do "Internet only friends" such as on FB or any social media. I prefer face-to-face contact if I'm going to use my time making friends with someone.
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