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Old 07-30-2019, 03:32 PM
 
6,290 posts, read 2,918,289 times
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Unless you personally witnessed any if these antics I tend to think you are being fed one side.
Yes truth is stranger then fiction. So let's be fair to each person.
1: your friend deserves your loyalty and concern.
2: you deserve to be given unbiased information.
3: this "other" person ,may or may not be a threat. What concludes you they are?
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Old 07-30-2019, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,904 posts, read 4,836,576 times
Reputation: 28950
It sounds to me like this guy changed tactics and found a way to make her feel sorry for him. She believes she misunderstood him and is now all bighearted and full of compassion because she's bought the story he's now telling her. It's a trap women often fall into, "helping" the guy who originally came on to them as a creep.

I agree with you: This sudden about-face is suspect.

If I were you, I would be very low-key about their friendship and ask an occasional casual question -- once she trusts you again -- as to the content of their conversations.

Does she have any children he might be trying to get close to?
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Old 07-30-2019, 06:36 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,282 posts, read 56,082,864 times
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She isn't a kid. You shouldn't interfere.
I think you're overanalyzing it and mixing reality with fiction in the movie.
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Old Yesterday, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Midwest
4,317 posts, read 7,179,667 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickypie View Post
Last year, one of my friends went on a date with some guy. She realised she wasn't interested, but he began obsessing. He was showing up at her work place, was writing to her every day (all the while giving her a big hefty load if she dared not answer him within the second), was insisting that they at least 'try it out once more', and he kept calling her a **** and a cow behind her back to everyone she knew when she turned him down for the billionth time.

It all got to the point where she reported him to the proper authorities. She was scared of him, rightfully so. And even up until a month ago, he was pulling the same stunts.

What baffles me is that, now, she is friends with the guy. She says he changed, that he is over her, that he understood, and is mad at me when I say something negative against him. She even says she overreacted when she reported him, and even met with him not too long ago for a friendly cup of coffee.

I'm terrified, I'm scared he might throw her down a hole and order her to "put on moisturizer" or something. Anyone got any advice? I'm scared it might be something pathological at this point and I really don't know what to do.
She sounds like she's hooked. There are plenty of women who stick around abusers, there is a draw, don't ask me why.

She's a moron and probably a dreamer, she's heading for trouble.
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Old Yesterday, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
8,948 posts, read 13,725,343 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr View Post
Do you trust her?
The only thing you can do is be for there for her if she needs you. You don't need to say negative stuff about the past. maybe he really changed.
People like that don't change, at least not without some serious, long term therapy. I think he's just found a different, more effective way to manipulate her and get what he wants. If he'd really changed, he wouldn't be getting mad when the OP bad mouths him - he'd be going to the OP and saying "Look, I know I behaved inappropriately back then and I totally get why you don't trust me, and I love that she has a friend who cares so much about her like you, but I really did learn and grow from that and I'm just asking you to give me a chance to prove it." The fact that he instead just gets mad at the OP suggests he still sees nothing wrong with his previous behavior and has a sense of entitlement (ie, how dare anyone say something negative about him, and how dare someone try to stop him from getting what he wants, because if he wants it then anything he has to do to get it is justified). Neither of these are good qualities and suggest he still has a toxic personality.

However, I agree that if the "victim" doesn't want to hear it, there's nothing you can do but be there for her if she needs you. Continuing to push the issue will unfortunately just push her away.
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Old Today, 03:53 PM
 
8,194 posts, read 6,058,202 times
Reputation: 5823
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickypie View Post
Last year, one of my friends went on a date with some guy. She realised she wasn't interested, but he began obsessing. He was showing up at her work place, was writing to her every day (all the while giving her a big hefty load if she dared not answer him within the second), was insisting that they at least 'try it out once more', and he kept calling her a **** and a cow behind her back to everyone she knew when she turned him down for the billionth time.

It all got to the point where she reported him to the proper authorities. She was scared of him, rightfully so. And even up until a month ago, he was pulling the same stunts.

What baffles me is that, now, she is friends with the guy. She says he changed, that he is over her, that he understood, and is mad at me when I say something negative against him. She even says she overreacted when she reported him, and even met with him not too long ago for a friendly cup of coffee.

I'm terrified, I'm scared he might throw her down a hole and order her to "put on moisturizer" or something. Anyone got any advice? I'm scared it might be something pathological at this point and I really don't know what to do.
Typically, the only thing these types have changed is their approach to the person they are obsessing over. But only typically.

This guy may have changed. But there could be "relapses" so to speak and there is no telling when that could happen. Your friend is taking a risk for certain, but she has made her choice. There's really nothing you can do other than respect her decision.
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Old Today, 03:55 PM
 
8,194 posts, read 6,058,202 times
Reputation: 5823
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickypie View Post
I would agree that change is possible only if some time had gone by.

He was still after her a month ago, and he followed her into work and began telling her coworkers that she was a tease, that she was leading him on. They had to call the security guards to get him out.

I only said something negative when she mentionned that, a few days ago, he began asking her friends if she was seeing another guy. I said that with his "i follow you to the office" stunt and his "is she dating anyone" stunt, that she should be careful.

And she told me to stop being a Negative Nancy and that he was a good guy and to stop going against their friendship.
...Sounds a lot like she is headed for something really horrific.
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Old Today, 03:58 PM
 
8,194 posts, read 6,058,202 times
Reputation: 5823
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
There is really nothing you can do or say.

My ex was abusive and THANK GOD my BFF was abusive right back to him. She saved my life.

I know that doesn't make any sense.
No, it makes perfect sense.
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