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Old 07-30-2019, 07:26 AM
 
4 posts, read 503 times
Reputation: 10

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Last year, one of my friends went on a date with some guy. She realised she wasn't interested, but he began obsessing. He was showing up at her work place, was writing to her every day (all the while giving her a big hefty load if she dared not answer him within the second), was insisting that they at least 'try it out once more', and he kept calling her a **** and a cow behind her back to everyone she knew when she turned him down for the billionth time.

It all got to the point where she reported him to the proper authorities. She was scared of him, rightfully so. And even up until a month ago, he was pulling the same stunts.

What baffles me is that, now, she is friends with the guy. She says he changed, that he is over her, that he understood, and is mad at me when I say something negative against him. She even says she overreacted when she reported him, and even met with him not too long ago for a friendly cup of coffee.

I'm terrified, I'm scared he might throw her down a hole and order her to "put on moisturizer" or something. Anyone got any advice? I'm scared it might be something pathological at this point and I really don't know what to do.
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Old 07-30-2019, 07:39 AM
 
537 posts, read 99,718 times
Reputation: 1039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickypie View Post
"put on moisturizer"
What is this referring to?
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Old 07-30-2019, 07:56 AM
 
4 posts, read 503 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCal_Native View Post
What is this referring to?
To Buffalo Bill, in Silence of the Lambs. He keeps girls in a hole in his basement and orders them to put on moisturizer so that he can keep their skin after they died.

It's basically my way of saying that I am scared something bad will happen to her and that I am afraid there is some psychological issue there keeping her from seeing the danger she willingly puts herself in front of.
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Old 07-30-2019, 08:32 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
38,282 posts, read 56,082,864 times
Reputation: 90312
Is she a minor? Maybe her family should know...
Do you have contact with her daily?
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Old 07-30-2019, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Germany
198 posts, read 35,021 times
Reputation: 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickypie View Post
Last year, one of my friends went on a date with some guy. She realised she wasn't interested, but he began obsessing. He was showing up at her work place, was writing to her every day (all the while giving her a big hefty load if she dared not answer him within the second), was insisting that they at least 'try it out once more', and he kept calling her a **** and a cow behind her back to everyone she knew when she turned him down for the billionth time.

It all got to the point where she reported him to the proper authorities. She was scared of him, rightfully so. And even up until a month ago, he was pulling the same stunts.

What baffles me is that, now, she is friends with the guy. She says he changed, that he is over her, that he understood, and is mad at me when I say something negative against him. She even says she overreacted when she reported him, and even met with him not too long ago for a friendly cup of coffee.

I'm terrified, I'm scared he might throw her down a hole and order her to "put on moisturizer" or something. Anyone got any advice? I'm scared it might be something pathological at this point and I really don't know what to do.
Do you trust her?
The only thing you can do is be for there for her if she needs you. You don't need to say negative stuff about the past. maybe he really changed.
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Old 07-30-2019, 08:39 AM
 
4 posts, read 503 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
Is she a minor? Maybe her family should know...
Do you have contact with her daily?
We're both on the last legs of our twenties, I'm afraid. I doubt contacting her family would do anything good, and I'm fairly certain she wouldn't talk to me ever again. Which is something I would want to avoid considering how worried I am.

I do talk to her daily, though.
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Old 07-30-2019, 08:59 AM
 
4 posts, read 503 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr View Post
Do you trust her?
The only thing you can do is be for there for her if she needs you. You don't need to say negative stuff about the past. maybe he really changed.
I would agree that change is possible only if some time had gone by.

He was still after her a month ago, and he followed her into work and began telling her coworkers that she was a tease, that she was leading him on. They had to call the security guards to get him out.

I only said something negative when she mentionned that, a few days ago, he began asking her friends if she was seeing another guy. I said that with his "i follow you to the office" stunt and his "is she dating anyone" stunt, that she should be careful.

And she told me to stop being a Negative Nancy and that he was a good guy and to stop going against their friendship.
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Old 07-30-2019, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Germany
198 posts, read 35,021 times
Reputation: 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickypie View Post
I would agree that change is possible only if some time had gone by.

He was still after her a month ago, and he followed her into work and began telling her coworkers that she was a tease, that she was leading him on. They had to call the security guards to get him out.

I only said something negative when she mentionned that, a few days ago, he began asking her friends if she was seeing another guy. I said that with his "i follow you to the office" stunt and his "is she dating anyone" stunt, that she should be careful.

And she told me to stop being a Negative Nancy and that he was a good guy and to stop going against their friendship.
I understand that you are worried about your friend, but you just have to trust her. Not him. :P
If you show her mistrust there may come a point when she wants to talk to you and won't be able because she may think you will judge her.
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Old 07-30-2019, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,324 posts, read 8,376,549 times
Reputation: 20369
There is really nothing you can do or say.

My ex was abusive and THANK GOD my BFF was abusive right back to him. She saved my life.

I know that doesn't make any sense.
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Old 07-30-2019, 10:01 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, Tx
7,723 posts, read 8,184,040 times
Reputation: 9301
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickypie View Post
To Buffalo Bill, in Silence of the Lambs. He keeps girls in a hole in his basement and orders them to put on moisturizer so that he can keep their skin after they died.

It's basically my way of saying that I am scared something bad will happen to her and that I am afraid there is some psychological issue there keeping her from seeing the danger she willingly puts herself in front of.
Actually it is "lotion" (for the sale of reference). "It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does so or it gets the hose"
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