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Old 07-31-2019, 10:22 AM
 
6,398 posts, read 3,638,354 times
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Just dropping in to make a distinction between feelings and behavior.

All emotions we experience are valid for us personally even if we have misinterpreted our reality and there is no rational cause to feel them. At the moment that is what we are feeling.

Even if the feeling is an unpleasant one that is not losing control of our feelings. That is just one of the wide spectrum of feelings of which humans are capable.

Feelings are just personal facts and we have them to signal if all is well or not. The unpleasant ones tell us something is amiss and it might be the way we are interpreting our experience or it might be accurate. But an unpleasant feeling tells us something needs to be done to set our world right again.

So controlling a feeling isn't the problem. Controlling the behavior that we manifest around the feeling is the problem.

The answer is "Yes, many times." Controlling behavior from acted-out feelings is a learned skill.

I threw a clipboard across a room at work. Workmates said it was good for them to see I could manifest anger "normally." LOL I didn't feel very good about it, though, as it wasn't a choice but rather a reaction.

That and then a few other symptoms were the first clues I had a thyroid tumor. So I guess out of character behavior is worth paying attention to.
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Old 07-31-2019, 11:31 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,663 posts, read 40,217,194 times
Reputation: 42088
My mom was in hospice care with terminal cancer.

I had been so busy with taking care of things, running around getting her setup with care. It all happened so fast. I wasn't really paying attention to how I was feeling. Just a generalized shock and numbness. She died within a month of diagnosis. One day while visiting her we were outside in a courtyard area getting some air and I just started to lose it. I was shaking and sort of hysterical. I couldn't control my body or my emotions for about a minute or so. It was actually pretty terrifying in of itself. I've never experienced that before and I hope to never do so again.
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Old 07-31-2019, 11:41 AM
 
1,924 posts, read 768,808 times
Reputation: 3164
Yes, I have. When I am very angry, explosive rage. My bedroom has double doors and I once slammed one of the doors repeatedly so hard that it caused the other door to have a long crack from the top to the bottom. Cracks like that are only caused by force. In that case, my force. When I was in that state, I wanted the door to break.

I have broken things before. I've thrown 2 smartphones and then the screen broke or it wouldn't turn on. The goal during the rage was to break something. When it actually breaks, my mood suddenly returns to normal and I see the broken thing and feel extreme guilt because now I have to deal with the problem of that broken object.

Mostly, I feel extreme guilt afterwards because we are taught that adults SHOULD NOT have emotional outbursts and be out of control like that.

And disgust with myself because my personality is genetic. My mother is the same way and I have her personality (which I hate), which is why we don't get along. The viciousness of her words when she is having an emotional outburst is unbearable. I really don't like her as a person, which means I also don't like myself. Which is why I don't want to talk to her.

My mom has seen me be out of control and she thinks I'm crazy. I'm NOT crazy, just angry. See why I can't stand her?
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Old 07-31-2019, 02:03 PM
 
Location: DFW
694 posts, read 191,511 times
Reputation: 1098
Quote:
Originally Posted by sas318 View Post
Yes, I have. When I am very angry, explosive rage. My bedroom has double doors and I once slammed one of the doors repeatedly so hard that it caused the other door to have a long crack from the top to the bottom. Cracks like that are only caused by force. In that case, my force. When I was in that state, I wanted the door to break.

I have broken things before. I've thrown 2 smartphones and then the screen broke or it wouldn't turn on. The goal during the rage was to break something. When it actually breaks, my mood suddenly returns to normal and I see the broken thing and feel extreme guilt because now I have to deal with the problem of that broken object.

Mostly, I feel extreme guilt afterwards because we are taught that adults SHOULD NOT have emotional outbursts and be out of control like that.

And disgust with myself because my personality is genetic. My mother is the same way and I have her personality (which I hate), which is why we don't get along. The viciousness of her words when she is having an emotional outburst is unbearable. I really don't like her as a person, which means I also don't like myself. Which is why I don't want to talk to her.

My mom has seen me be out of control and she thinks I'm crazy. I'm NOT crazy, just angry. See why I can't stand her?
YAAASS!
This is my oldest daughter to a T. Geez, I hope y'all never become friends...or DATE!!!

Anyway, she has described it to me the same way. If you, or anyone, has some research on this, please send a link. I have studied, fretted, lost sleep, cried, and mostly been very very afraid (not OF her, but FOR her) for 21 years now.

She has broken several doors (2 in our current home that are still broken), a bathroom vanity, my karaoke machine, at least 3 phones, and I may think of more. I think I kind of bury the memories.

Thank you for sharing.
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Old 07-31-2019, 03:22 PM
 
6,974 posts, read 1,482,431 times
Reputation: 17276
No, not really -- although I have lost my temper a few times.

I think the worst was about 40 years ago when my now ex-husband went out with some friends of ours for pizza and drinks, and did not even think to ask me. (I am not sure now why I didn't just invite myself and go.) Anyway, when he came home, I was drinking a glass of wine by myself -- something I "never" did -- and after he came in the room, I threw my glass with some wine still in it against the fireplace hearth and stormed off to bed.

But I don't think that comes even close to what you are talking about. (Usually, when I am upset, I just get very quiet and retreat into myself, and not let it out.)

Btw, after I threw the glass, I didn't feel anything that I can remember -- it had 'just happened' and so I did not "think" anything about it, as it was not that serious.
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Old 07-31-2019, 03:46 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,625 posts, read 17,270,373 times
Reputation: 13478
Mine came about ten years ago and it was during the first six months after my ex came out and then left and he just left all the paperwork for me...he had no interest in even getting a divorce but he was moving on with his life and I wanted to move on with mine.

I had been working hard on filling out the legal stuff, working on financial aid papers for my daughters university, and then other paperwork, and I was getting so frustrated because I have issues with ADHD and me and paperwork just don’t get along. I was trying to get signed on to a website and it would not let me into my account and it had to be done and I just snapped.

I went into full on rage mode and went screaming and stomping and cussing all thru the house. Fortunately I was alone except for the dogs and they hid under the bed. It felt so good at the time but I didn’t completely lose control. At one point I was getting ready to smash my iPad but didn’t, and the dogs truly were safe. I’ll bet I raged for 30 min or more.

The next day I felt like crap...my whole body was depressed, much the same way I felt just after 9/11. It really wasn’t worth it and I realized I needed better ways to handle my stress.
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Old 07-31-2019, 04:16 PM
 
10,404 posts, read 12,394,357 times
Reputation: 14511
Well about 25 years ago I know a guy that had a really bad day. He went to his ex-wife's house and started slapping her around, then her "boy toy" showed up and he had to tune him up, stabbed him 30 times and then went back to nearly decapitate his ex-wife. He then got into a 2 hour police chase and finally got arrested. After his lengthy double murder trial he was found innocent and continues to this day looking for his wife's killer out on the golf course.....

https://twitter.com/therealoj32?lang=en
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Old 07-31-2019, 06:34 PM
Status: "The dwarfs are for the dwarfs!" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
5,110 posts, read 2,354,313 times
Reputation: 17031
Are you kidding me; no I can't do that, I am terrified of myself. If it were to happen I would not stop in time.

I'm sure I would feel like such a huge weight had been lifted as I sat on Lifer's row but that's not even part of my retirement plan.
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Old 07-31-2019, 06:35 PM
 
8,293 posts, read 6,090,529 times
Reputation: 5886
I've lost my temper before more times than I care to admit, but I feel that there is a major "nuclear" meltdown that is going to happen. I feel like Mel Gibson is not going to hold a candle to my meltdown. I'm scared for whoever or whatever is going to trigger it.
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Old 08-01-2019, 07:36 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,955 posts, read 17,831,668 times
Reputation: 28046
I can take a lot of poking before the bear comes out. My girlfriend knows what buttons to press to get me really upset. Once I get pushed over the edge, I tend to get everyone near me a good chewing out.
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