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Old 08-01-2019, 08:24 AM
 
6,873 posts, read 2,485,004 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
I've lost my temper before more times than I care to admit, but I feel that there is a major "nuclear" meltdown that is going to happen. I feel like Mel Gibson is not going to hold a candle to my meltdown. I'm scared for whoever or whatever is going to trigger it.

I've mentioned to people before, that I felt like I had a 500 yr. flood waiting to happen inside me. But...I haven't felt like that for a long time. Honestly, I think my extreme moods were hormone related.


My stepson used to ALWAYS be constantly irritable. Always going off on people. (Never me or his dad though.) But his wife and kids were subjected to it. His mother was the same way.


Finally, his wife had had it and told him he'd better get help, or she was leaving. So, he got help. I'm not sure what the medication is that he takes, but he's a different person now. And thankfully, HE can tell the difference, and knows he needs the medication. He has so many stellar traits, but that constant irritableness over rode everything else. I feel like the medication allows his true self to come through.


His mom is the same way, and (IMO) likely has a chemical unbalance. She's driven so many people away including her son and grandkids.
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Old 08-01-2019, 09:07 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
45,558 posts, read 36,634,167 times
Reputation: 64580
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarshaBrady1968 View Post
No, I have not. And it is really hard for me to understand this concept. I look forward to reading all the responses in order to get some clarity about my child.

My adult child suffers from some sort of out-of-whack explosive anger thing. She has since infancy. I recall a few conversations we have had along the lines of "you know mom- like when your anger just takes over and you have no control over it"....uuummm, no I don't. This makes no sense to me.

Please everyone, give as much detail as possible on how you feel if you are someone that can answer yes to this question.
You are a member of my tribe.

One challenge I have is that when I get mad, I do NOT throw things or yell or whatever. I get quieter, colder, and more matter of fact. So I will say something like "If you keep doing such and such, I am going to (fill in the blank)." But since I am saying it in what appears to be a calm manner, some people don't understand that deep hurt or anger isn't always accompanied by tears or screaming or throwing things or whatever, so apparently they don't think I MEAN it. But listen - I DO mean it. Every bit of it. And I will do it. And you won't like it.

I caught all sorts of flak from some family members (not all) when my dad lapsed into a coma and I was his medical POA and after discussing it in depth with his doctors, and knowing well what he wanted, I chose to remove his life support. Now - I adored my father. I also knew his wishes. And someone had to pick up this heavy load. That's why he chose me - because he knew I would do what he wanted. And I did. It was very distressing, but I never "lost control." Even when, in the midst of great sorrow and anxiety, other family members who I was very close to actually caused me significantly more sorrow and anxiety as they criticized what they thought was my cold behavior.

The thing is, I was also vocal about my stress - it's not that I don't get stressed or upset. But I just do not react in an unhinged manner. My gosh, I can't help that. I mean, if I say, "Oh my gosh, I am so upset," I AM upset. I may be shaking, or even crying (softly). I don't understand why I would have to freak out in order for people to really BELIEVE that I am upset!
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Old 08-01-2019, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
45,558 posts, read 36,634,167 times
Reputation: 64580
OK I just thought of something, involving my ex husband and my oldest son, who was about 15 at the time.

They got in some sort of altercation and this big, grown, babyfied man started pushing this 15 year old around and hollering at him. Of course my son isn't going to beat this guy up, but he also was old enough to stand up to him. So I was saying, "Hey, hey, you guys, cut it out, oh my gosh, this is so ridiculous, STOP IT, you are going to break something!" And sure enough, my now ex husband pushed my son and he bumped into an armoire and this beautiful porcelain figurine of a hawk , which was a memento of one of my very favorite memories of shopping in the Czech Republic with my dad, slowly fell off and shattered into a million pieces.

I WAS SO FREAKING MAD. So avoidable, so stupid! They were both standing there with their mouths wide open, suddenly not wanting to fight or argue at all. I went first into my son's room, and then into the master bedroom, and I got my son's favorite CDs (yes, it was back then) and my husband's brand new raquetball raquet that he loved, and I stood in the middle of the living room and stomped all over them and tore them all up. They both just stood there still with their mouths wide open. I said, "See what it feels like to lose something you love FOR NO REASON? How does it feel, how does it feel?"

Afterwards, I just picked up the pieces of everything and threw them all in the trash.

That actually felt good to me. It also made a statement.

Another time, we were going on a road trip (of about three hours) to my grandmother's funeral. I was very close to her, and so were my kids, so there was a somber mood in the car. Then my youngest daughter put her headphones on and turned up the music so loud that we all could hear it. I said, "Please turn that down." She huffed and puffed but she turned it down, after I gave her that directive several times - and promptly started singing along and kicking the back of my seat. GAME ON.

I pulled into a parking lot - well, actually to be honest, I squealed into a parking lot, jumped out, jerked open the back door, pulled her out, pushed her against the car, and said to her in a very deadly tone right up in her face, "I swear to God, if I hear one more snippet of that music or feel you hitting the back of my seat one more time, I swear to you I will take you to the nearest Greyhound bus station and put you on a bus back home. Just try me. Just try me. Now - ****." Except I said the words, which I NEVER said, so believe me, it got her attention.

There was dead silence in the car for the remaining hour of the trip. Mission accomplished.

I felt fine afterwards.
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Old 08-01-2019, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Virginia
4,032 posts, read 2,087,688 times
Reputation: 11143
This has happened to me twice. I was 23 the first time. A guy had just attempted to rape and strangle me, after sticking a knife in my ribs. I had convinced him to give me the knife, very calmly, and had been calm up until the moment that he attempted to drag me down the hill by my neck and rape me. I saw a car coming down the road and elbowed him in the side and sprinted to the road. I completely lost it when the car's driver stopped and asked me if I needed help. I couldn't even speak intelligibly - I just held out the knife and pointed down the hill while shaking all over. I think the poor driver thought I was having a nervous breakdown until I could finally manage to tell him what had happened and he took me to the police station.

The second time I had just found out something which was a huge source of anger, pain, and betrayal. I went into the farthest bathroom in the house with a pillow and screamed into it for a full 15 minutes until I had no voice left. I couldn't speak above a whisper for three days afterwards. It was very cathartic.
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Old 08-01-2019, 02:18 PM
 
3,673 posts, read 934,129 times
Reputation: 4212
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohhwanderlust View Post
Which emotion(s) was it, and how did you feel after? Aside from the situation itself that brought you to that level of extreme emotional storm and/or the practical repercussions if you expressed that in front of others, did you feel psychologically more free and opened up (if that makes sense)?
No.

I've raised my voice before, but not so much that I was screaming and my voice was cracking.

I've not responded physically to a verbal remark, either.

---

Not saying there aren't reasons somewhere, somehow, that would somewhat justify it, but I haven't encountered one yet. Hope to never.
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Old 08-01-2019, 03:19 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,161 posts, read 12,978,905 times
Reputation: 31638
Yes, I would say not for 15 years until my last bf, he really got the worst out of me.

I was frustrated/angry/completely out of control about 3x when we fought about him and other women. I don't think he was cheating, he just was way too close and had no boundaries with two of his exes. I'd say I blacked out because I was so angry, I screamed and yelled and barely saw anything and had to leave after and was shaking all over. The next day I did not remember all of it anymore.

I can get road rage but not to the point that I am out of control.
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Old 08-01-2019, 03:46 PM
 
8,294 posts, read 6,090,529 times
Reputation: 5886
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
I've mentioned to people before, that I felt like I had a 500 yr. flood waiting to happen inside me. But...I haven't felt like that for a long time. Honestly, I think my extreme moods were hormone related.


My stepson used to ALWAYS be constantly irritable. Always going off on people. (Never me or his dad though.) But his wife and kids were subjected to it. His mother was the same way.


Finally, his wife had had it and told him he'd better get help, or she was leaving. So, he got help. I'm not sure what the medication is that he takes, but he's a different person now. And thankfully, HE can tell the difference, and knows he needs the medication. He has so many stellar traits, but that constant irritableness over rode everything else. I feel like the medication allows his true self to come through.


His mom is the same way, and (IMO) likely has a chemical unbalance. She's driven so many people away including her son and grandkids.
I think one thing that could mitigate it for me is if I can somehow get into doing productions where I can get my anger out. Maybe make movies or something like that.
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Old 08-01-2019, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,800 posts, read 4,226,816 times
Reputation: 15614
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
I experienced severe road rage yesterday. When I lose it, its anger, and 9 times out of 10 while driving.
I HOPE you don't carry a gun. Pull over and count to 100 before you do something you can't undo and might be killed, kill someone else, or go to jail for.
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Old 08-01-2019, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,800 posts, read 4,226,816 times
Reputation: 15614
I have truly "lost" it in anger 4 times that I can recall in my life (I am in my 60's)

Two times at one of my brothers, once with one of my sons, and once with my husband. I am a very patient person and I hate confrontations. I can get angry and just cool down shortly.

BUT if I lose it, watch out. The verbal tongue lashing is unleased in all my fury and I might even hit the person who has brought this on, slam cupboard or house doors, or maybe flip a plate of spaghetti down a person's shirt (yes I did) LOL.
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Old 08-01-2019, 06:47 PM
 
Location: Washington state
5,500 posts, read 2,808,151 times
Reputation: 16601
My dad had a violent temper and so do I. He never controlled his rage, so I never thought twice about controlling mine. My anger would be blinding and give me what I thought of as superhuman strength. I wold also feel no pain while in such a rage.

At the time I would let go, I realized it actually was a wonderful feeling, almost orgasmic. Later I got to wondering if that's why so many people are addicted to rage, because it feels so good to them.

I used to get mad at my dog (I was really taking out my frustrations in life on him) and then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks: I was doing to my dog what my dad did to me. That stopped me cold and I began to start controlling my anger. I still get furious about some things, but not anything close to what I was like before. The last time I got mad, I got a major shingles attack, so I'm working even harder on getting through my anger without all the emotion.

It's been a long strange trip, as the Dead would say, but 90% of it is knowing what hits my buttons and avoiding that.
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