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Old 08-01-2019, 07:36 PM
 
6,982 posts, read 3,940,193 times
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Maybe briefly due to grief. But absolutely not anger. I grew up with a mother who slammed doors, slapped us, and even grabbed our hair and knocked our heads together once. It always seemed so stupid.
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Old 08-05-2019, 12:16 PM
 
1,924 posts, read 768,808 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarshaBrady1968 View Post
YAAASS!
This is my oldest daughter to a T. Geez, I hope y'all never become friends...or DATE!!!

Anyway, she has described it to me the same way. If you, or anyone, has some research on this, please send a link. I have studied, fretted, lost sleep, cried, and mostly been very very afraid (not OF her, but FOR her) for 21 years now.

She has broken several doors (2 in our current home that are still broken), a bathroom vanity, my karaoke machine, at least 3 phones, and I may think of more. I think I kind of bury the memories.

Thank you for sharing.
Who or what causes her to get into a rage in the first place?

I definitely wouldn't date her. She's much younger than me and I'm a woman and heterosexual.

If she gets married, she'll have to find someone who's opposite of her, i.e. very mellow and non-emotional, the kind who can't say a bad word about anyone, whose words are inoffensive.
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Old 08-08-2019, 11:11 AM
 
Location: equator
3,634 posts, read 1,598,769 times
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A few times, mostly in the early years of this current marriage. DH's rescue dogs used to really set me off. When I couldn't take it anymore, I'd drive away in a fury and go to the Motel 6 for the night. One time I intentionally ran over the still-smoldering Weber kettle and flung hot coals all over my car and yard.

It downgraded from that to ripping the reading glasses off my head and throwing them across the room.

If I'm honest it's because my primitive brain knows I can "get away with it" with my sweet, calm DH who never gets mad, ever. I wouldn't have dared do that stuff with the ex's.

Added to that, none of these antics bother DH, anyway, LOL.
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:53 PM
 
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Well, I guess I can just forget about the massive explosion I thought I was going to have. Found a way of managing my emotions.
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Old Today, 08:43 AM
 
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Emotions are NEVER controlled. ACTIONS are controlled. Let's get that one simple fact out of the way before anything else. Emotions are a FEELING that is at all times uncontrolled. ACTIONS dictate how we feel. As does the lack of action.

What is controlled is the DIRECTION you want to take to ATTEMPT to feel emotions you want too feel. But it would be a mistake to assume that the attempt itself leads to the emotion itself. Sometimes "losing control" is actually better then trying to control the situation. It's how some answers get found. How some people can see your pain. Guilt tripping? Eh, if you made me feel like **** I'm going to show it. I'll say it too. It works. Communication and show and tell. A combination of direction and "letting loose" is important. Be flexible.

I actually like it when people are a bit angry at me. Doesn't have to lead to being uncivil. Just means people are human. I'm going to have my bad moments too. We're understanding about it. things are good because of the acceptance of this situation. Heck, sometimes it's even a game. "That was a nice witty insult". Eases the mood somewhat. I can control that. Teach others too even. However I can not afford to assume how someone will feel. Fortunately it tends to go down well and we have that as a (loose) template. But only a loose one.

Now as for losing control... Well, I'll put it this way. I broke them without meaning too. They broke me without meaning too. And when I say broken I mean broken. Somehow it lead to loving each other. So... Just goes to show, eh? Best from the worst or something. Got to push really hard and ask the hard question at times. Fortunately I know what people can handle (meaning not ending up suicidal) and what will send them just a little bit too far over the edge. Does mean I understand how I affect you. Doesn't mean I won't push for answers if you're giving me excuses even if you're in a bad state (since said answers can put a stop to both of our depression).

After that the breaking on my side became a little more intended (If you can pull the wool over my eyes then tell me you was pulling my leg you get high praise from me if I trust you and take you at your word. I'm pretty observant).

All this is standard flare though. It's "normal stuff". Don't fear it. Accept it can happen and improve a situation you don't find appealing. That way you got a plan. It's in such plans I carefully handled tense situations.

Now let's try one upping the above. Feeling nothing at all. When getting the worst possible news. Looking back I realised it was a defence mechanism to prevent my body from shutting down. Where emotions fail, use logic. "This is logically alarming". Just don't lose yourself in logic alone and end up not caring about someone you care about. Start taking that route and it can lead down a very dark path. My advice? Get meaner in the pursuit of honesty if that happens. Understand why instead of playing the blame game.

Thing is people try to control emotions. But they never do. No one wants to be that person wanting to snap their own neck because they never make an effort for you when you're that there for them because they feel like a hypocrite. At that point... Take action. Action changes emotions. Lack of it just means you're stuck in a rut. WE control how othersfeel. It's the reverse of what you want. Others are controlling us, not the other way around. It's all about incentive. We do it every second of our lives and most people don't even want to consider that because the thought of others controlling how we feel is scary. But that's what is happening. There's no hiding from that one simple fact. Others take actions that affects how we feel. We're all responsible for it and it's time to stop pretending "It's on them" when you have a hand in things. Pretend otherwise and you'll in denial which will likely turn into depression at some point. Probably because you was angry then realised you affect someone badly without meaning too (ignorance is still influence of others).


The question is what do you do when someone does something that makes you feel happy and what do you do when someone makes you feel bad? Depends on the reasons I guess. Is someone "trying to spare your feelings" or "Giving you an honest answer"? With this very simple question I have proven how I influence how you feel. Concerned? Confused? Angry? Uncaring? I don't know how I'm affecting you but I am affecting you.
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