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Old Yesterday, 09:50 PM
 
Location: USA
2 posts, read 16 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello all,

First.. This is my first post on here. Glad to be here

-----

So.... Obviously this is in the psychology section so you may have an idea as to where this is going.

My life, all the way from early childhood has been extremely challenging.

From what my parents considered good (Doctors, Medications) all the way back when I was 8 up until now has been borderline chaos/torture. My mother has many mental health issues even though she is either unaware or in denial. My father is the big on avoidance, he doesn't like to talk. Generally, they have done many things in an attempt to "help" me as even though most of the time it just involved putting me on medication. Basically, I feel the lack of having any stable mother or father figure growing up; or their guidance in life. My brother and sister are essentially strangers to me.

I have made many mistakes. Did well in school sometimes, managed to graduate high school.

At this point I am trying my best (at the age of 24) to go to college so I can make something of myself.
With basically no financial assistance from anyone, emotional support from family or friends and the general sense of feeling alone in this world.... I'm loosing any glimpse of hope I may have had left.

I had been diagnosed bipolar at the age of 21, of course the doctors continue to dump more pills down my throat. Side note, the medication "helps"... but I frequently still get either very depressed (to the point of being suicidal) or slightly manic (when I spend why to much money and dig an endless hole of financial debt)

Generally, I try to be an optimist. Assume that things will work out as long as I put in the effort. I'm just so physically and emotionally tired at this point, I don't know how much longer I can take it. I have goals, just like everyone else. I dream of a future not necessarily of complete luxury but simply being able to support myself and have a half way decent life.

There's other side notes but I'll leave them out for the sake of keeping this rather short.

More or less, being 24 now, I feel as if I have failed because I have to live with my family for the moment due to my own personal circumstances. I recognize i'm trying, but progress is slow.

I guess what my question is overall... How do you keep going without either having a complete breakdown or eating a bullet?

I want to thank everyone who took the time to read this as I really don't have anyone close to me of whom would listen. It really means the world, you have no idea.
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Old Today, 01:19 AM
 
Location: Germany
200 posts, read 35,433 times
Reputation: 378
Hey Ian and welcome. ^^

I am just gonna express my opinion on this so don't take everything I say too seriously.

Right now you have the feeling of being alone in this world and that you have failed in something. I don't think it's weird. Who doesn't feel alone sometimes? Who doesn't fail? Everyone does.

But take a look around you. The truth is you are not alone. Your parents are doing the best they can to support you. You are living at their place and I imagine you also get financial support, as well as emotional support, cause obviously if they care enough to take you to a doctor, they care.

About the college stuff. You want to make something of yourself. You are already something. You are already enough as you are. I think what you feel is pressure from all the expectations. Not the expectations that others have forced on you. The expectations that you have taken upon yourself because you have a certain image of what a happy and successful person is supposed to be doing.

Throw that kind of thinking away.

Start looking at life for what it is. It may be a mess, but it is a beautiful mess. Every bad feeling that you get is derived from a misunderstood good one.

You probably feel that noone understands you, but in reality everyone can. You just need to be perfectly clear with yourself first and with them second.
Noone is gonna live your life for you. Parents may wish that you have a certain kind of life, PURELY out of concern and love.
But YOU are the one who is gonna choose your way of being happy.
Don't be afraid of disappointing people and don't be anxious of losing time.

You are gonna do what you want and you're gonna be fine.
You may need some patience because we don't always get what we want immediately. But while you are waiting, enjoy this small but meaningful existence. Eat well. Sleep well. Relax. Have fun with friends and family and whoever. Get mad if that's what you want, or cry if that's what you want. Because every feeling you ever experience matters.

Live your life fully and without regret. You probably get only one chance. And if that's true make it yours and do what makes you happy And when the bad thoughts come, do me a favor and don't forget to breathe.

I wish you a long and happy life mate.

Here listen to this:
https://youtu.be/MQlJ3vOp6nI

Last edited by Gohangr; Today at 01:31 AM..
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Old Today, 07:58 AM
 
570 posts, read 114,181 times
Reputation: 1156
Quote:
Originally Posted by ianGallagher View Post
How do you keep going without either having a complete breakdown or eating a bullet?
It all depends on what you are made of and the severity of the illness. There's not much we can do that you don't already know. You know about medicine, therapy, environment, and brain chemistry.

I just finished reading several books (biographies) on bi-polar. I'm not sick but I found the books interesting. Perhaps if you read a few of these you could discover coping strategies.

Here's one:

He Wanted the Moon: The Madness and Medical Genius of Dr. Perry Baird, and His Daughter’s Quest to Know Him.
By Mimi Baird, with Eve Claxton


10 Must-Read Memoirs From People With Bipolar Disorder
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Old Today, 11:05 AM
 
Location: USA
2 posts, read 16 times
Reputation: 10
I appreciate the response.

Sometimes I feel like a burden for my family I guess.

Thank you for your wisdom.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr View Post
Hey Ian and welcome. ^^

I am just gonna express my opinion on this so don't take everything I say too seriously.

Right now you have the feeling of being alone in this world and that you have failed in something. I don't think it's weird. Who doesn't feel alone sometimes? Who doesn't fail? Everyone does.

But take a look around you. The truth is you are not alone. Your parents are doing the best they can to support you. You are living at their place and I imagine you also get financial support, as well as emotional support, cause obviously if they care enough to take you to a doctor, they care.

About the college stuff. You want to make something of yourself. You are already something. You are already enough as you are. I think what you feel is pressure from all the expectations. Not the expectations that others have forced on you. The expectations that you have taken upon yourself because you have a certain image of what a happy and successful person is supposed to be doing.

Throw that kind of thinking away.

Start looking at life for what it is. It may be a mess, but it is a beautiful mess. Every bad feeling that you get is derived from a misunderstood good one.

You probably feel that noone understands you, but in reality everyone can. You just need to be perfectly clear with yourself first and with them second.
Noone is gonna live your life for you. Parents may wish that you have a certain kind of life, PURELY out of concern and love.
But YOU are the one who is gonna choose your way of being happy.
Don't be afraid of disappointing people and don't be anxious of losing time.

You are gonna do what you want and you're gonna be fine.
You may need some patience because we don't always get what we want immediately. But while you are waiting, enjoy this small but meaningful existence. Eat well. Sleep well. Relax. Have fun with friends and family and whoever. Get mad if that's what you want, or cry if that's what you want. Because every feeling you ever experience matters.

Live your life fully and without regret. You probably get only one chance. And if that's true make it yours and do what makes you happy And when the bad thoughts come, do me a favor and don't forget to breathe.

I wish you a long and happy life mate.

Here listen to this:
[url]https://youtu.be/MQlJ3vOp6nI[/url]
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
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