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Old Yesterday, 11:56 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,378 posts, read 553,808 times
Reputation: 1260

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Taramafor View Post

The whole point is that it's subjective and dependent on context.

Regardless you implied assumptions about me. As well as implying I'm naive. That in itself is an insult. That is mean. Period. And also hypocritical to be frank. Unintended I'm sure but that just raised more concerns, not less.
I didn’t make any assumptions about you - nor do I care to. I don’t know you. I simply stated that having a friendly disposition does not automatically mean someone lacks self awareness, intelligence, or the ability to be honest (as indicated by various posts in this thread, not necessarily by you) nor does it mean someone is insincere or naive.

I agree it’s subjective, but it doesn’t change the fact added definitions or meanings to the word itself convolutes the possibility of a reasonable discussion. (Deal with what, btw?)
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Old Yesterday, 12:26 PM
 
8,322 posts, read 6,094,099 times
Reputation: 5896
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
One can be ‘nice’ to people in the world i.e. friendly and outgoing; it has absolutely nothing to do with being honest (or dishonest) within the context of relationships (as some posts would suggest). It appears many are arriving at new definitions for the word i.e. ‘superficial’, lacking awareness, naive, etc. Now it apparently means to be dishonest as well.

One can be nice while being honest - by simply being tactful (and not bulldozing people).
Of course, but we're talking about TOO nice. There is such a thing.

I didn't read the topic as being nice in general. According to quite a few people, I'm nice. Too nice is a different thing all together.
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Old Yesterday, 12:42 PM
 
8,322 posts, read 6,094,099 times
Reputation: 5896
One thing I do not like is when anyone twists words or puts words into someone's mouth. Anyone who does that to me will run the risk of bulldozing (not that I will necessarily fire off, but you are on my radar). I don't like it when it happens to me. I don't like it when it happens to anyone. The need to twist words and put words in someone's mouth is definitely not a sign of honesty.

Often times, there is projection involved. But you're definitely not going to get a nice response from me. I mean that is one of the not so nice ways to be dishonest.
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Old Yesterday, 01:22 PM
 
Location: planet earth
5,115 posts, read 1,952,825 times
Reputation: 11300
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-2
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Old Yesterday, 01:58 PM
 
1,643 posts, read 761,258 times
Reputation: 8981
OP, I remember you and have interacted with you on previous threads.

There is nothing wrong with being "nice." I think we need more nice in the world. But I'm going to suggest to you that being "too nice" can be a way to fly under the radar and not bring undesired attention to one's self.

I recall that you have a "man's man" rather harsh and controlling father, an older brother who doesn't have much to do with you, all your adult siblings still live in the family home, a mother who you regard as understanding and somewhat protective of you, having some difficulty with college, and that you have social anxiety and do not drive. And also that you are gay and not out to your family.

Being overly or "too nice" can be a way of practicing self-preservation. And I think your situation has set you up for overdeveloping it as a coping mechanism.

As I have before, I still recommend you seek some counseling through your school if you are still in attendance.

You *are* a nice guy and that is desirable. I hope you can be a happier guy living without fear to show who you really are.
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Old Yesterday, 02:22 PM
 
8,322 posts, read 6,094,099 times
Reputation: 5896
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatzPaw View Post
OP, I remember you and have interacted with you on previous threads.

There is nothing wrong with being "nice." I think we need more nice in the world. But I'm going to suggest to you that being "too nice" can be a way to fly under the radar and not bring undesired attention to one's self.

I recall that you have a "man's man" rather harsh and controlling father, an older brother who doesn't have much to do with you, all your adult siblings still live in the family home, a mother who you regard as understanding and somewhat protective of you, having some difficulty with college, and that you have social anxiety and do not drive. And also that you are gay and not out to your family.

Being overly or "too nice" can be a way of practicing self-preservation. And I think your situation has set you up for overdeveloping it as a coping mechanism.

As I have before, I still recommend you seek some counseling through your school if you are still in attendance.

You *are* a nice guy and that is desirable. I hope you can be a happier guy living without fear to show who you really are.
Interesting take on it.

In my experience, "being too nice" has definitely brought out undesired attention such as users, mean-spirited "misery loves company" types. Basically people who either think "How could you be so nice in this world?" They probably come to the conclusion that the nice person has no life experience and has had everything handed to them when in reality, the nice person has struggled just like everyone else, they just have come to a place where they can actually be kind and not be bitter about their past.

The best way to fly under the radar is to act like everyone else from what I've seen.
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Old Yesterday, 06:03 PM
Status: "NEVER try to ride the angriest bull in the pen." (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Dallas, TX
4,132 posts, read 2,155,282 times
Reputation: 3873
The thing about looking down on pushovers - that tells me more about the person pushing them over than the pushover. The pusher's likely not to have much scruples, ethic, and empathy to start with. Their pushing the pushover says that they believe fair and decent treatment belongs only to those strong enough to push back (dovetails more closely to a prison cell block than how civilized people operate). You can usually recognize them by either "He/She's all right, you just have to watch it around him/her" or watch how they treat the lowest social pecking order person within the group. Actually, if you have to watch it around them, then they are not all right - by definition.

It gets worse when people blame the pusher for their shabby acts but instead blame pushover for their lack of ability (or too clueless) to know where to set their boundaries. Blaming people for matters out of control is simply unjust - even if they can with great difficulty learn to assert control. This unfairly shames the pushover and discourages the pushover from getting help (out of fear of a kneejerk disdain people have toward them) - especially when they internalize social messages that say, in effect, "The weak and clueless deserve more disrespect than anybody else for that reason alone"

This kind of social attitude isn't going to lead to any sustainable improvement in the situation, because the pushover is part of a larger social ecosystem - a society refusing to blame the actual perpetrator for their acts and expressions and puts blame on the pushover. Of course this only creates an environment where shabby behavior can flourish - which if left unchallenged can only spread through the office/workplace, social club/organization, church, etc. We've all seen the consequences of toxic behavior in the workplace and how it damages worker moral and productivity. If people blamed the pusher instead of the pushover, it will make the pusher think twice before engating in this kind of behavior and enable a pushover to divert his or her attentions to more productive or societally redeeming causes.
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Old Yesterday, 08:17 PM
 
164 posts, read 28,706 times
Reputation: 212
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602 View Post
Of course, but we're talking about TOO nice. There is such a thing.

I didn't read the topic as being nice in general. According to quite a few people, I'm nice. Too nice is a different thing all together.
I agree about being "too" nice, but I haven't run across many people that are. None of us can be nice all of the time, and we are nice to the people we want to be nice to. Overall I'm nice, but there are days that no one in their right mind would call me anything but grumpy. Nice depends on moods. There are days you want to be friendly and days you want to ignore people to do your own thing.

There is also cordially indifferent or professional, like we must be at our jobs or in public when we are ordering food or interacting with people other than a friend. This is where I see a big difference in niceness. I've been on dates where the man isn't nice talking to a waiter or waitress, and that's a no go for me. I'd take nice over "not nice" in social situations always.
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Old Today, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
32,146 posts, read 20,258,258 times
Reputation: 46408
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatzPaw View Post
OP, I remember you and have interacted with you on previous threads.

There is nothing wrong with being "nice." I think we need more nice in the world. But I'm going to suggest to you that being "too nice" can be a way to fly under the radar and not bring undesired attention to one's self.

I recall that you have a "man's man" rather harsh and controlling father, an older brother who doesn't have much to do with you, all your adult siblings still live in the family home, a mother who you regard as understanding and somewhat protective of you, having some difficulty with college, and that you have social anxiety and do not drive. And also that you are gay and not out to your family.

Being overly or "too nice" can be a way of practicing self-preservation. And I think your situation has set you up for overdeveloping it as a coping mechanism.

As I have before, I still recommend you seek some counseling through your school if you are still in attendance.

You *are* a nice guy and that is desirable. I hope you can be a happier guy living without fear to show who you really are.


Oh wow. That's some good context, and it does sound like he has developed "too nice" as a self preservation mechanism.
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Old Today, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Germany
221 posts, read 39,317 times
Reputation: 430
To me it sounds like he doesn't believe he is too nice. Others believe he is too nice.
He sounds like he understands that he is nice himself and has only come to wonder if he is too nice because others are saying it like it's a bad thing. No mechanisms, no nothing.

If anything and if there is a preservation mechanism, people who think he is too nice have developed a self preservation mechanism against others.
An open heart is not a defense mechanism.
A wall that "protects" you from being "too nice" or prone to being used is.
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