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Old 08-05-2019, 02:41 PM
 
83 posts, read 40,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Are these people potential romantic interests?
No, they were mostly associates/friends.
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Old 08-05-2019, 03:17 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,664 posts, read 42,288,240 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
No, they were mostly associates/friends.
Are they concerned that you may be being disingenuous, or faking your niceness? Like they feel like they can't be real with you?

Are you polite to the point that it makes normal everyday interactions awkward?
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Old 08-05-2019, 04:10 PM
 
20 posts, read 2,134 times
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When I was in college, I met a guy was I thought was too nice. Folks used to more or less torture him to get him to react adversely. It was water off his back. What broke him? His FIANCE left him for a bad boy. After that, I would say he was more normal.
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Old 08-05-2019, 04:25 PM
 
83 posts, read 40,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Are they concerned that you may be being disingenuous, or faking your niceness? Like they feel like they can't be real with you?

Are you polite to the point that it makes normal everyday interactions awkward?
Perhaps a little bit of both.
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Old 08-05-2019, 04:25 PM
 
3,816 posts, read 1,484,406 times
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back to the beginning:
"Why is being too nice a bad thing?"

it is only bad to those who complain.
you will meet lots of people throughout your life
who would never complain about your niceness.
old song:
"But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself."
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Old 08-05-2019, 04:31 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,350 posts, read 546,941 times
Reputation: 1230
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy View Post

What happens is people take advantage of you. Because while you think you are being super nice in an effort to make everyone like you, and you think everyone likes you, all it does is make people take advantage of that kindness. And it's a kiss of death in relationships, I wouldn't be surprised if those in life exceedingly nice tend to be single or have problems in relationships. I'm not saying you have to be a flaming jerk, but again being a pushover or being a super nice yes man makes you a very boring person.
One can have a friendly disposition and still be ‘people smart’ or intelligent. Kindness (or being pleasant/courteous in public) doesn’t automatically negate awareness or make one naive/stupid. There is a huge difference between being a ‘pushover’ and being ‘nice’. The former has to do with how easily someone is influenced and nothing to do with being nice or courteous. Pushovers lack awareness.
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Old 08-05-2019, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Washington state
5,500 posts, read 2,802,977 times
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If you know your limits and can set boundaries, there is no such thing as too nice.

Everyone makes their choice. Are you willing to possibly be taken advantage of once or twice in your lifetime by being nice or do you harden your heart and never let your guard down? Or do you take the middle road that most people do because that's the easiest way? It means you don't deliberately go out of your way to not help people, but you don't deliberately go out of your way to be nice to them, either.

It's your decision. All I can do is tell you about mine. I made a decision to take an extra step in being nice to whomever I meet. Yes, it means I may be exploited or used. But I've decided that the people I can help being nice will outweigh the number of people who will use me. I do know my boundaries and what I can and can't do.

I remember one time when I was running to catch the ferry from work, I passed a young girl sitting on the sidewalk crying her heart out. I wish with all my might that I had stopped and asked what was wrong and find out if I could help. Instead, I walked past her like everyone else. I will never do that again. I promised myself that I will get involved when I see someone in need.

Night before last I was shopping in a grocery store and really getting slammed by my aching back. I guess it showed because when I got to the register to check out, the young man in front of me helped me take my groceries out of the cart and put them on the belt, something that really rips my back up because of the lifting and twisting. That was something that man didn't have to do and when I needed it, it was one of the nicer things people have done for me. I will never forget it.

Know your limits, don't go beyond what you originally volunteer unless you really know what you're getting into, and don't ever quit being nice, even if it's just to smile at a cashier or holding a door open for someone. There aren't enough nice people around anymore and we need more like you.
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Old 08-05-2019, 04:44 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,350 posts, read 546,941 times
Reputation: 1230
Quote:
Originally Posted by FortWingate View Post
When I was in college, I met a guy was I thought was too nice. Folks used to more or less torture him to get him to react adversely. It was water off his back. What broke him? His FIANCE left him for a bad boy. After that, I would say he was more normal.
Did you ever consider he simply didn’t care about what folks were saying/doing (rather than it being an issue ‘niceness’), because that’s what it sounds like. ‘Water off one’s back’ generally represents indifference (the true opposite of love) and has nothing to do with one being nice or not.

That said, I personally think there is a time for all of it - being nice, being a ‘bad boy’, and being indifferent.
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Old 08-06-2019, 02:54 AM
 
Location: La-La Land
233 posts, read 324,234 times
Reputation: 368
'nice' is not the same as 'kind'
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Old 08-06-2019, 04:19 AM
Status: "I don't FEEL tardy." (set 22 hours ago)
 
2,038 posts, read 986,852 times
Reputation: 5566
Makes me think of an acquaintance every time this topic comes up. Complete pushover, but thinks he's being the kindest, sweetest guy in the world and everyone just 'loves' him. What I mean is he says 'yes' to anything, pretty much has to have a weapon pulled on him before he realizes he's not among friends. This has affected his relationship as well, as his woman blatantly flirts with every male friend he has (basically doesn't respect him after witnessing him being 'pushed over' and grinning throughout the ordeal one too many times). As a result, regrettably, he's somewhat of a laughingstock.

It's fine to be a kind-hearted person. Don't be the guy who picks up the bill eagerly and happily every time. Don't buy the expensive bracelet that's going to put your rent in jeopardy simply because the girl you like (and haven't even kissed yet) has dropped blatant hints that she wants it. Don't be the guy who gets hit up for free money all the time (in the guise of it being 'a loan'). Don't be the guy folks can borrow items from with no worry of ever having to return them--you're too nice to ask for it back, and they know that. Don't be the go-to free dinner every other Friday to the girl or two who can't be bothered to speak to you otherwise.

Be genuinely kind-hearted. Don't be a fool just because you want to be 'liked'.
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