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Old 08-06-2019, 04:49 AM
 
3,149 posts, read 1,598,544 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
I'm a 21 year old male.

I've been told by multiple people my whole life that I am too nice. They say it like it's a bad thing. People have told me, "I like you, but you are too nice." "You are way too nice." I'm told by multiple people that I am extremely polite and that I am one of the sweetest most kindest guys they've ever met. However, people have also told me that I should not be too nice.

I am honestly just being myself.

Why is being too nice a bad thing?
What people sometimes mean is that you are being nave.
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Old 08-06-2019, 12:01 PM
 
862 posts, read 209,233 times
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actual nice people don't put down nice people.
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Old 08-06-2019, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
32,127 posts, read 20,232,573 times
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In general terms being "too" anything is not good. So why would "too" nice be bad? They suspect it's fake, they suspect you are trying to "buy" friends with being too nice, it CAN be boring, if you are so nice you don't stick up for yourself, you lose people's respect.
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Old 08-06-2019, 12:33 PM
 
6,902 posts, read 3,842,359 times
Reputation: 14071
Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
I'm a 21 year old male.

I've been told by multiple people my whole life that I am too nice. They say it like it's a bad thing. People have told me, "I like you, but you are too nice." "You are way too nice." I'm told by multiple people that I am extremely polite and that I am one of the sweetest most kindest guys they've ever met. However, people have also told me that I should not be too nice.

I am honestly just being myself.

Why is being too nice a bad thing?
Some people perceive that as being weak or needy. As in, "I want to please everyone" or "I desperately need to be liked."

It's just human nature, in a way. Ever notice how snooty people sometimes have gobs of friends, or people who want to be their friends? It's because of the theory, "Why would I want to be a member of a club that would have me as a member?" Someone is perceived as very picky; therefore, if you get "in" with that person, you must be special.

Then there's the thing about dealing with people on a business level. Some think that if you're too nice, you'll be taken advantage of. I don't know if that's true. I tend to think that people who take advantage of people are equal opportunity jerks.

You can be nice, but no fool. And you can be snarky, and a fool.
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Old 08-06-2019, 01:06 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
79,164 posts, read 71,240,609 times
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More info needed, OP. We have no idea what your definition of "being nice" is. Does it mean:

1. You're not able to draw boundaries, when people are repeatedly rude, pushy or manipulative toward you? Are you a doormat?

or 2. That you're thoughtful of others, and are easygoing, but avoid jerks? How do you deal with difficult personalities?

I've never heard anyone say that someone's "too nice". Maybe all it means, is that the people who feel that way aren't compatible with you. What about the people who appreciate your nature? Do you have friends, work colleagues, etc., who value your positive qualities?
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Old 08-06-2019, 02:14 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,352 posts, read 548,308 times
Reputation: 1237
Quote:
Originally Posted by elyn02 View Post
What people sometimes mean is that you are being nave.
Exactly! People are using ‘nice’ as a way to define everything from navet to boredom, insecurity and/or caring what strangers think.

Last edited by CorporateCowboy; 08-06-2019 at 03:43 PM..
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Old 08-06-2019, 02:21 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,352 posts, read 548,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post

Then there's the thing about dealing with people on a business level. Some think that if you're too nice, you'll be taken advantage of. I don't know if that's true. I tend to think that people who take advantage of people are equal opportunity jerks.

You can be nice, but no fool. And you can be snarky, and a fool.
I agree with your last statement. In re: business, however - one must have effective communication skills to be successful. Its stupidity that will allow jerks to take advantage, not being nice or polite.
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Old 08-06-2019, 02:36 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
2,253 posts, read 955,792 times
Reputation: 6337
Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
I'm a 21 year old male.

I've been told by multiple people my whole life that I am too nice. They say it like it's a bad thing. People have told me, "I like you, but you are too nice." "You are way too nice." I'm told by multiple people that I am extremely polite and that I am one of the sweetest most kindest guys they've ever met. However, people have also told me that I should not be too nice.

I am honestly just being myself.

Why is being too nice a bad thing?
In and of itself it is not a bad thing. Unfortunately, we live in a world filled with people looking for their next easy target. Super nice people generally fit the bill because they tend to see the good in everyone. Thus, they are extremely vulnerable.
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Old 08-06-2019, 02:47 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,352 posts, read 548,308 times
Reputation: 1237
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron61 View Post
In and of itself it is not a bad thing. Unfortunately, we live in a world filled with people looking for their next easy target. Super nice people generally fit the bill because they tend to see the good in everyone. Thus, they are extremely vulnerable.
Being nice to people (or having empathy) is different than caring to see the good in everyone. Vulnerability, insecurity and unawareness is not the same as being nice.
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Old 08-06-2019, 03:02 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,863 posts, read 74,880,238 times
Reputation: 48408
They mean exaggerated gestures of courtesy -don’t eradicate -just tone down a bit
Remember those surrounding you are void of manners and you are young -standing out too much
Having said that and on a lighter note -I’m an old guy living in California in 2019
whatever social functions i Attend -there are 2 men in the room with a coat and tie
One is retired military or cop
The other is me
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