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Old Yesterday, 08:58 PM
 
386 posts, read 97,474 times
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I hate to say it but the epidemic of all these too nice guys was caused by them being raised by women most of their childhood. Dad was mostly at work and they were raised by mom at home and women teachers at school.

Under the guidance of the women in their childhood boys received praise and love for nice behavior. The women were essentially subconsciously 'training' boys to attach to the woman emotionally and behave much like girls, but also to suppress aggression and do not act like little men around women, instead always please women. Then you are rewarded with praise.

As they become young men they go out into the world being too nice, trying to gain acceptance by pleasing everyone. That's what they were taught.

Women do not really know how to raise a boy to a masculine man. It's just not in their DNA. A masculine man is not a people pleaser. He can be kind but is not seeking approval. Acting in a way that seeks approval is what will be deemed acting too nice to others.

When a man has grown up to be too nice he really does need to reverse his approval seeking behavior around others (except as an employee and even then only as required for the job) and learn and develop masculine traits.
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Old Yesterday, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Southern California
24,325 posts, read 8,500,243 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
I hate to say it but the epidemic of all these too nice guys was caused by them being raised by women most of their childhood. Dad was mostly at work and they were raised by mom at home and women teachers at school.

Under the guidance of the women in their childhood boys received praise and love for nice behavior. The women were essentially subconsciously 'training' boys to attach to the woman emotionally and behave much like girls, but also to suppress aggression and do not act like little men around women, instead always please women. Then you are rewarded with praise.

As they become young men they go out into the world being too nice, trying to gain acceptance by pleasing everyone. That's what they were taught.

Women do not really know how to raise a boy to a masculine man. It's just not in their DNA. A masculine man is not a people pleaser. He can be kind but is not seeking approval. Acting in a way that seeks approval is what will be deemed acting too nice to others.

When a man has grown up to be too nice he really does need to reverse his approval seeking behavior around others (except as an employee and even then only as required for the job) and learn and develop masculine traits.
Oh my goodness, you have all that answers....those terrible mothers and teachers were the ones who made us too nice. Not enough guns and knives being raised.
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Old Today, 12:06 AM
 
137 posts, read 114,274 times
Reputation: 90
It is not bad or good is just not in the best interest of your inner development. Most americans are nice because the expect something in return, either recognition, that their girlfriend/wifi does not abandon them, etc, so analyze what is going on inside you and start practicing being a Jerk, who knows that might even make you more successful with women





Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
I'm a 21 year old male.

I've been told by multiple people my whole life that I am too nice. They say it like it's a bad thing. People have told me, "I like you, but you are too nice." "You are way too nice." I'm told by multiple people that I am extremely polite and that I am one of the sweetest most kindest guys they've ever met. However, people have also told me that I should not be too nice.

I am honestly just being myself.

Why is being too nice a bad thing?
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Old Today, 01:33 AM
 
4,951 posts, read 1,517,271 times
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OP, please provide more information.

I'd like to hear about the types of situations where you're being told "I like you, but you are too nice" and "You are way too nice."
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Old Today, 01:42 AM
 
Location: Germany
208 posts, read 37,642 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post
I hate to say it but the epidemic of all these too nice guys was caused by them being raised by women most of their childhood. Dad was mostly at work and they were raised by mom at home and women teachers at school.

Under the guidance of the women in their childhood boys received praise and love for nice behavior. The women were essentially subconsciously 'training' boys to attach to the woman emotionally and behave much like girls, but also to suppress aggression and do not act like little men around women, instead always please women. Then you are rewarded with praise.

As they become young men they go out into the world being too nice, trying to gain acceptance by pleasing everyone. That's what they were taught.

Women do not really know how to raise a boy to a masculine man. It's just not in their DNA. A masculine man is not a people pleaser. He can be kind but is not seeking approval. Acting in a way that seeks approval is what will be deemed acting too nice to others.

When a man has grown up to be too nice he really does need to reverse his approval seeking behavior around others (except as an employee and even then only as required for the job) and learn and develop masculine traits.
A-ha. And what exactly are the masculine traits outside of outward appearance?

People are essentially the same. When it comes to character, there's no masculine and feminine.
These are just social constructs.
The only difference is that we express ourselves differently, depending on how we have experienced life until now.

Realize this and accept yourself as a whole.
In the end, if you really only want to look at DNA, a man is half a woman. :P
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Old Today, 07:53 AM
 
386 posts, read 97,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gohangr View Post
A-ha. And what exactly are the masculine traits outside of outward appearance?

People are essentially the same. When it comes to character, there's no masculine and feminine.
These are just social constructs.
The only difference is that we express ourselves differently, depending on how we have experienced life until now.

Realize this and accept yourself as a whole.
In the end, if you really only want to look at DNA, a man is half a woman. :P

Glad you asked. Some masculine traits:

competitive (faster, stronger, etc)
assertive
facts over feelings
independent
courage
leadership
decision maker
construction
explorer
breaking barriers
risk taker
inventor

in social settings:
instigator of relationships
romantic/sexual assertiveness
provider
progenitor

Woman can have some or all of these traits too. But in a relationship it's best when the masculine and the feminine are both present, and not too much of one side causing imbalance. A woman with masculine traits should learn to become more feminine in the personal relationship. Be masculine at work if necessary. And a man behaving too feminine will also cause an imbalance in a personal relationship.


Also, the too men out there where raised by women that devalued most of the masculine traits listed above for whatever reason, usually just because those women where the most feminine themselves. It's the boys raised by these particular woman that grow up too nice.

Last edited by james112; Today at 08:21 AM..
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Old Today, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Germany
208 posts, read 37,642 times
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First take into account the history of our world and the social structure of societies until now and then try and figure out why these traits are only supposedly masculine.
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Old Today, 10:53 AM
 
158 posts, read 27,160 times
Reputation: 207
Quote:
Originally Posted by james112 View Post


Also, the too men out there where raised by women that devalued most of the masculine traits listed above for whatever reason, usually just because those women where the most feminine themselves. It's the boys raised by these particular woman that grow up too nice.

Is this thread about nice people or feminine men? There are feminine men who aren't nice and plenty of masculine men who are nice.
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Old Today, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Southern California
24,325 posts, read 8,500,243 times
Reputation: 15823
Quote:
Originally Posted by tequila4less View Post
It is not bad or good is just not in the best interest of your inner development. Most americans are nice because the expect something in return, either recognition, that their girlfriend/wifi does not abandon them, etc, so analyze what is going on inside you and start practicing being a Jerk, who knows that might even make you more successful with women
Oh another reason for being nice, expecting something in return. Where do these people come from. Why can't we just treat people good and be nice and not hate and not do the killing that goes on???? Why why why...
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Old Today, 11:08 AM
 
8,275 posts, read 6,084,566 times
Reputation: 5883
Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
I'm a 21 year old male.

I've been told by multiple people my whole life that I am too nice. They say it like it's a bad thing. People have told me, "I like you, but you are too nice." "You are way too nice." I'm told by multiple people that I am extremely polite and that I am one of the sweetest most kindest guys they've ever met. However, people have also told me that I should not be too nice.

I am honestly just being myself.

Why is being too nice a bad thing?
At this point, it is self explanatory. TOO nice. Keyword; Too!!!

Too much of anything is not good.

Now, as to being too nice, there are so many problems that come with it. A person that is too nice is (often) someone who is not standing up for himself. A person who is too nice, may have issues with self worth. A person who is too nice is often seen as insincere. The phrase "too good to be true" comes to mind.

There are cruel elements in this world (jerks, users, etc) and "being nice" is not very effective at warding off those elements. They see you as someone who is going to be taken advantage of and used in a bad way which often happens to people who are (seen as) too nice.

There is also the idea that it's an act or the nice is going to leave and a much meaner version of you can go out.

I've come across people who were extremely nice and cheery, but there is just that feeling that something is behind that and if I get close, it'll be a SHTF situation.

Being kind is okay, there is nothing wrong with kindness, but there are people who will take that as a weakness and then take advantage of you in a really bad way. That is why you do not want to be too nice.

To sum this all up, I'd say that being too nice is not good because it is often an invitation for undesirable circumstances.

Now, you don't want to go around being a blow hard and frothing at the mouth at everything either, they'll just laugh you out of the room. I once did that, and I wound up considering a career in stand up.


What you want is a happy medium where you are considerate, while at the same time, willing to put that foot down.
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