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Old 08-09-2019, 12:48 PM
 
8,283 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
Wow why? Everyone in my universe is nice. Who wants to be around rectums?
I know you asked her, but since I agreed, I can give you my take. The genuine nice guys are excluded. I'm thinking about the fake nice guys who take it way too far and often have this vibe as if they are going to explode.

As to 'rectums', they tend to attract people from what I've seen.
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Old 08-09-2019, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Southern California
24,365 posts, read 8,518,568 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bryan85 View Post
Don't know about you personally, but I don't trust people- period. I set consistent and healthy boundries, so I don't get taken advantage of. "Nice" people worry too much about others feeling- that is called Co-Dependency.
It takes many a longer time to NOT worry about other's feelings. We need to find that balance. I was raised with that mentality...the OP is 21.
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Old 08-09-2019, 01:31 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,482 posts, read 1,704,548 times
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Like all discussions, the connotation of a word will be different to each person. I see the quality of being nice as caring and kindness to others and to yourself. There is an openness of spirit in a nice person that people gravitate towards. It’s a feeling, an innate knowing of no judgement, just acceptance of others and themselves.

Think about people that make you feel good when they are around. They accept you as you are, faults and all, with no agenda to change you. They listen when you talk and are fully engaged. They respect your opinions and feelings. Nice people live fully in the present with others. They are spontaneous.

My husband and best friend are genuinely nice people. I smile when I see them. To underestimate or discount either of them because they are nice would be foolish.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:22 PM
 
867 posts, read 210,321 times
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mean people can also feel threatened by people who care enough to be nice. it's like "be mean like me so i can feel okay about being mean, too". it's happened. cynicism and skepticism about being nice are two different things. both require some effort to discern

what's really going on.
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:34 PM
 
7,541 posts, read 11,654,985 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy View Post
Being nice in general isn't a bad thing.

Being courteous in public, being pleasant, that is never a bad thing.

However being way too nice in all aspects of life, including work and especially relationships, can only cause headaches in the long run.

What happens is people take advantage of you. Because while you think you are being super nice in an effort to make everyone like you, and you think everyone likes you, all it does is make people take advantage of that kindness. And it's a kiss of death in relationships, I wouldn't be surprised if those in life exceedingly nice tend to be single or have problems in relationships. I'm not saying you have to be a flaming jerk, but again being a pushover or being a super nice yes man makes you a very boring person.
That's not necessarily the goal or mentality.

Personally, I don't believe there's such a thing as being too nice.

We all have a limited life and we all decide what we want to give or get out of this life. Because sooner than later, we're going to be worm food.

Some people just like to make the world a better place.

I gave my ex-GF $700 to buy a car and she never paid me back. But she's pretty poor. Or was. The way I think about it, that was a good thing I did. She needed to take her kids to school. Etc. If I die tmrw, did I do a good thing, or was I a pushover?
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Old 08-09-2019, 02:44 PM
 
700 posts, read 121,042 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
Itís bizarre stereotyping on your part to assume nice people are incapable of making friendships. Are you suggesting being hateful or nasty at the world is more successful in that endeavor?

No one is nice all the time - it depends on how well you know the person, your level of interest, your mood, whether you are interested in engaging or not, etc. You are making all kinds of sweeping generalizations.

Guess I don't know what exactly is meant by "nice." The Op stated that people are calling them "too nice." It means different things to different groups of peope I suppose. In my world, too nice has always meant someone who seems to watch what they say and do too carefully, unable to be genuine with others, or does not put much effort into communicating with others beyond small talk. In other words, they never "let loose."
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:16 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,376 posts, read 552,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezku View Post
mean people can also feel threatened by people who care enough to be nice. it's like "be mean like me so i can feel okay about being mean, too". it's happened.
Exactly - very insightful!
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:22 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
2,376 posts, read 552,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aileesic View Post
Guess I don't know what exactly is meant by "nice." The Op stated that people are calling them "too nice." It means different things to different groups of peope I suppose. In my world, too nice has always meant someone who seems to watch what they say and do too carefully, unable to be genuine with others, or does not put much effort into communicating with others beyond small talk. In other words, they never "let loose."
I donít think being nice in the world translates to being uptight or an inability to Ďlet looseí. In fact, I think a nicer person would be able to let loose with greater ease than someone who isnít nice - as nicer people tend to be more outgoing and relaxed as well. That said, we all have people we want to let loose around - and those we donít.
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:23 PM
 
8,283 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba View Post
That's not necessarily the goal or mentality.

Personally, I don't believe there's such a thing as being too nice.

We all have a limited life and we all decide what we want to give or get out of this life. Because sooner than later, we're going to be worm food.

Some people just like to make the world a better place.

I gave my ex-GF $700 to buy a car and she never paid me back. But she's pretty poor. Or was. The way I think about it, that was a good thing I did. She needed to take her kids to school. Etc. If I die tmrw, did I do a good thing, or was I a pushover?
To me, letting someone walking all over you, pick on you, handle you, step on you, etc. and just grinning and bearing it is too nice. Refusing to stand up for yourself is too nice. In other words, letting someone have their way with you without so much a protest would fall under "too nice".


As far as what you gave your ex-GF, you did that on your own accord. You probably took the initiative to help with that. I would say that is different from being a pushover.

I would define "too nice" to have an element of being passive.

But that's just me.

Even though there are misanthropists out there, I don't think people who use the term "too nice" necessarily want cruelty. A lot of people see the world as it is and know that there are predatory types out there. That is one issue. Another thing is that the person who is "too nice" probably just comes off as weak and needy. Then there is the person who overdoes "niceness" to the point that he seems either fake, on edge, like he's hiding something, etc.


Being kind and polite in and of itself is not what is being talked about. It's just the suspicious extreme of it that can cause people to suspect something.
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Old 08-09-2019, 03:28 PM
 
8,283 posts, read 6,090,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aileesic View Post
Guess I don't know what exactly is meant by "nice." The Op stated that people are calling them "too nice." It means different things to different groups of peope I suppose. In my world, too nice has always meant someone who seems to watch what they say and do too carefully, unable to be genuine with others, or does not put much effort into communicating with others beyond small talk. In other words, they never "let loose."
I don't understand. That doesn't feel particularly nice to me. A lot of people in my area would actually consider that rude as opposed to nice. Is that person supposed to force a deeper conversation with someone else? Because I myself would not appreciate it, in fact, I'd be a little bit suspicious.
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